It’s a nice bit of Robot Theater, but it’s all lies. Here’s the extra-truthy reality:

Yes, I have a high hairline, but the bald spot is kept firmly in check by my fanatical use of Rogaine for the last decade, and the beard is full-face, but neatly-trimmed.

Seriously – Michael Gross, circa 1985

Oh, and the accent is pure Wisconsin.

Look, I’ll prove it:

“Yah, there, hey. I drink from a bubbler when I stop at The Dells as I’m drivin’ up ta Lambeau. Go Pack! The Bears still suck!”

I think that should put to rest these foul rumors of my being naught more than a nebulous byproduct of Frank’s thinkological deliriums.

John Hawkins has compiled the most asinine liberal quotes of the last ten years.

If you wonder why Science! often doesn’t get the respect it deserves, it’s because of crap like this. Yes, the “Doomsday Clock” set by “scientists” and promoted by the “science” press. Because what do you call translating the complex vagaries of world politics into time on a clock? That’s right: Science!

Anyway, the clock has been on the verge of midnight for forever now (if you’re wondering what happens if it reaches midnight, it’ll make this big alarm and then we’ll probably just hit snooze), but they’ve for the first time moved it back a minute because of Obama. That’s right, we’re all now safer because of dummy big-ears who all terrorists and rogue states feel free to give wedgies to. Iran’s building nuclear weapons unabated but we’re all safer because the president now won’t yell at them, so says “scientists.” Also, the clock doesn’t just keep track of nuclear weapons now but also global climate change warming… or whatever the hell they’re calling it now. That’s just as big a threat because while unicorns’ magic can protect them from radiation, they are defenseless to carbon dioxide. Again — Science!

With the Coakley debacle in Massachusetts, I wonder if the Democrats needs a Doomsday Clock. The Democrat doomsday is when everyone finally gets frustrated with the Democrats, says, “We like freedom and making our own choices, you guys are against that, so you’re out of here,” and then toss the Democrats into the sea. According to scientific polling (Science!), they really seemed to rollback the clock at the end of 2008, but now it’s accelerating towards midnight faster than ever before. Soon, everyone will want to control their own lives, and among the Democrats there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Of course, I don’t see why it has to be a clock. It’s kind of an idiotic thing to pick since its supposed to move in a constant manner but the whole idea of the Doomsday Clock is it moves at different speeds. Instead, it should be a gun with the trigger being pulled with various tensions, and if the tension on the trigger is high enough… BOOM! You get shot in the face! That brings a real sense of foreboding. Actually, I just really want something called a “Doomsday Gun.”

In this dramatization of the inner-workings of IMAO, Harvey and I discuss rumors about him: