Barely in time for the Big Speech
I notice the word “terrorists” isn’t on there.
UPDATE: He said “terrorists”! Everybody chug!
UPDATE: Ok, you have to drink every time Pelosi licks her lips.
I swear, there was less tongue-flicking in “Snakes on a Plane”.
Ryan presents: “Lunch with wife – corrected”
CAUTION: Rated “Family Guy/South Park” due to adult themes.
Take a hippie-punch at fame by creating your own IMAO-worthy video at Xtranormal (“If you can type, you can make movies“). Send a link to harvolson-at-gmail.com and I’ll give it a look. If it’s PG-13 and doesn’t suck too terribly bad, I’ll post it and let the readers throw roses and/or tomatoes at you.
Flash photography is soon going to be banned from the National Archive. Basically, Congress and the President were getting tired of every timed they claimed one of their programs in Constitutional, someone would snap a picture of the Constitution and show them they were wrong. So without photos is it will be like:
CONGRESS: What I’m doing is like totally Constitutional.
CITIZEN: No it isn’t! I just saw the Constitution and what you’re doing is wrong.
CONGRESS: You’re probably just remembering the Constitution wrong.
CITIZEN: No. I’d show you a picture of it, but the people at the National Archives threatened to yell at me. Maybe you can just go over there with me and I can show you.
CONGRESS: Nah, I’m too busy. Guards, have this man executed for dissension.
CITIZEN: You can’t have guards execute me! That’s not Constitutional!
CONGRESS: You can’t prove that.
The State of the Union address is tonight, and President Obama has a bit of a problem since the state of our union isn’t exactly… well… good. What exactly is Obama supposed to say? “It sucks, and a lot of it is because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.” Plus, Obama is on prime time TV talking like all the time, so what could he possibly have left to say?
Still, I like being helpful, so here’s what I think Obama should say:
“Hey, America, what’s up? So, what do you all think the state of the union is? I think it’s awesome, except for one thing: It’s full of whiners.
“I think things are doing pretty well here. Ever look at like poor countries in Africa? We’re doing like way better than any of them — light years better. Or look at Haiti; doing way better than Haiti. Pretty nice here, actually; we got like food and TV and stuff. Still, everyone is complaining and like, ‘I don’t have enough money, and I’m unemployed! Waaah!’ I have a clear message for you: Shut up. No one cares. Raise your hand if you’re dead. No hands? See, could be a lot worse.
“Still, everyone is all yelling at me and like, ‘You’re a socialist! You’re recklessly spending all our money!’ Hey, do I go to your job and criticize you? I don’t even know what you; I don’t even care really. A lot of you don’t even have jobs to criticize, so shut up.
“And then there are those who think I’m a failure because a guy almost exploded his underwear. What was I supposed to do there? I ain’t checking everybody’s underwear; I ain’t some perv. You be a perv and do it.
“So, I think I’m doing pretty well — a B+ job — and you all are just a bunch of stupid whiners. Well, I don’t bow to you — I bow to foreign monarchs, but not you — so shut up. I hate you all.”
Obama has announced a Democrats freeze in Congress and won’t be adding any new Democrats in the foreseeable future.
I wish I could be more like my dog and enjoy the simple things in life like biting children.
Sign of the time? An e-mailers who always goes on about Obama’s birth certificate has finally gone back to the subject of illegal immigration.
I’m guessing O’Keefe’s latest effort will get mainstream attention quicker.
Wow, conservatives really turn on their own quickly when they do something inexcusable.
Liberals don’t care when they’re heroes leave women to die at the bottom of a river; why are we so worked up over wiretapping? I think it’s standards that held us back all these years.
So what exactly is so interesting about Mary Landrieau that’s worth committing a felony over?
Mass Effect 2! I’ll support whichever political party will get more time to play videogames.
I accused Obama of being a Keynesian and got called a birther.
It’s not the Stone Age anymore; there’s no reason I should have to have the disk in my computer to play the game.
