Apparently, people are calling up health insurance companies wondering when they get their free health care, because, you know, the supporters of Obamacare are smart people.

Anyway, here is the free health care plan info that I got directly from the White House website:

The health care plan does not come fully in effect until 2014.  In 2014, you will get your free health care plan delivered by a unicorn — which is yours to keep FREE just as Obama promised.  When you stroke the unicorn’s horn, it should crap rainbows.  If it doesn’t crap rainbows, we will have a hotline setup for unicorn troubleshooting.  Also, if you are not satisfied with your free health care, we have another number you can call and we’ll send someone to your house to explain to you why you should be satisfied and maybe shake you and yell at you a bit.

So make sure to spread that info around to avoid any further confusion.

Ahmadinejad referred to Obama as a “cowboy”? Come on. I know Obama is all about lowering our expectations and Ahmadinejad has to rail against the West, but you can’t just go calling Mr. “I want to have unconditional talks with Iran” a cowboy. He couldn’t even be an extra on Brokeback Mountain.

Here is how a real cowboy president would handle Ahmadinejad:

AHMADINEJAD: Imperialist American president, I’m glad you’ve finally agreed to sit down and talk with me. Now I can tell you–

**BANG!!**

AHMADINEJAD: AHHH! YOU SHOT ME IN THE FACE!!!

PRESIDENT: That’s right, you varmint! I don’t like you, so I done shot you! I’m a cowboy!

AHMADINEJAD: I’M BLEEDING EVERYWHERE! AHH!!

PRESIDENT: That will teach you to mess with the U.S. of A. And with Texas! Yee ha! I’m a cowboy!

AHMADINEJAD: YOU CRAZY SON OF A…

PRESIDENT: Now don’t you go building nuclear weapons and don’t you go rustling my cattle. ‘Cause I will shoot you in the face again. I’m a cowboy.

See, that’s a cowboy president. You can tell because he keeps saying so. And shoots people in the face. It’s petty simple.

Is Obama going to propose a new national sales tax? You’re probably thinking, “People would not like that.” But people didn’t like Obama’s health care plan, but he shoved it down our throats saying, “Stop struggling! You’ll learn to like it.”

The fact is, the government is running out of money and eventually they’ll need to get more. Since liberals are running the government, they’re not going to say the obvious answer of, “The government is big and stupid; let’s let it starve to death.” Instead, Obama will probably say, “I know who has money we can take: People. Let’s take more money from people.”

This is why we need to make sure the Republicans get majorities in November because then anytime Obama has some new idea, the Republicans will be like, “We don’t care about your ideas; actually, we’re trying to undo all your previous ideas.” And Obama will be like, “Can’t we wastefully spend money on something?” And Republicans will be like, “The only thing we’ll approve spending money on is using dinosaurs’ DNA to resurrect them and then put rocket launchers on them.” And Obama will be like, “Dinosaurs and rocket launchers are scary!” And the Republicans will be like, “Your ears are too big!” And then Obama will run off crying.

That’s how government should work.