Muslims in the UK are now allowed to throw shoes as part of protesting. As a supplication to Muslim sensibilities, it’s now not considered violent and instead a “ritual form of protest.” I thought Europe liked to consider itself civilized, but it’s kind of hard to have that when you tolerate certain segments of your population behaving like irate toddlers. If an American moved to UK, would he be allowed to shoot a shoe-thrower in the face, because culturally that’s what we do?

If a society can’t every once in a while tell some dimwits, “Your culture is stupid; stop it now,” then it might as well just roll over and die. Why should we care what culture people have in backwards, violent countries? Civilized people don’t throw shoes. Hell, grown up people don’t throw shoes. I’m not even sure monkeys would throw shoes. I would hope in America we would fire people out of a cannon into the sea before saying shoe-throwing is perfectly cromulent.

The Southern Republican Leadership Conference (yeah, I don’t really know what that is, but apparently it’s a big deal) had its Straw Poll, and the big winner:

Mitt Romney!

Yeah, the author of the disaster Massachusetts health care that Obamacare is an imitation of. Plus, I wonder if Barack Obama will have turned people off of having presidents with weird names like “Mitt.”

One vote behind Romney:

Ron Paul!

He was basically putting money to get people to attend the SRLC (tickets cost $150, but he was selling them for $30) in another lame attempt to finally trick us into thinking he has popular support and isn’t just supported by a bunch of cranks.

So things aren’t really looking great for Republicans in 2012 just yet. We really need someone to emerge who doesn’t… well… suck. So if you know anyone you think would be a good president, make sure to tell the Republicans about him/her.

Poll after poll keep showing the Democrats at record low approval. And the Democrats are confused. “We keep kneeing people in the groin, but everyone still doesn’t like us. Maybe we should try urinating on them.” Alan Grayson has even started to go around yelling at people personally (hey, Democrats, come get your Congressman; he’s gotten loose again), but that still hasn’t helped. So here are my ideas to make the Democrats more popular:

FRANK IDEAS TO MAKE DEMOCRATS POPULAR

1. Seppuku
2. Vow of silence
3. Self-immolation
4. Voluntary exile
5. Holding badgers near their face and shaking them
6. Bleach drinking contest
7. Imprisonment
9. Playing in traffic
9. Locking themselves in a building like in Big Brother but don’t film it
10. Choreographed dance number

So, just a few ideas, but the Democrats better getting working on them if they don’t want to get slaughtered in November.

Obama is going to have to appoint a new member of the Supreme Court, and now we need to decide how big a deal we’ll want to make out of it. In all likelihood, Obama is going to pick someone we wouldn’t even want as an American citizen if we had a choice, but since he or she is replacing Stevens it won’t change the make up of the court. It’s pretty much standard now we have four Justices who are like, “The Constitution is an actual thing? I thought it was an intangible concept like happiness.”

I say we make a big deal for these reasons:

1. Politically news has been slow lately, so we have nothing better to do.
2. It should be a big deal when the Constitution is ignored, even if it happens a lot.

So how should we make a big deal?

I know: Civil war. Let’s get so angry about Obama’s pick that we like split up the Union and attack the other side. But we won’t make the same mistakes as the Confederacy as we’ll force the other side to leave the Union so they’ll be in the wrong and we’ll be justified attacking them. Also, we’ll not have slaves.

Again, probably not amount to anything in the end and Obama will get his nominee who will mistake the Constitution for vintage toilet paper, but it could be fun.