Some people think maybe we should put Al Gore on the Supreme Court. We should do it while he’s sleeping. Then he’ll wake up and find himself on top of the Supreme Court building and start screaming. It will be hilarious. He’ll probably start crying, though, and then we’ll feel bad and get him down. I bet he’ll blame the whole thing on Global Warming; what a wanker.
Archive of entries posted on 14th April 2010
Is It Time to Move Beyond the Tea Parties?
Have the tea parties been played out? Erick Erickson at Red State argues so, but more importantly, what do I think?
Personally, I’ve never been super big on tea parties. Tea parties are things little girls have with their dolls. Also, the only time I drink tea is when I drink green tea from little cups without handles to pretend I’m a samurai. I always would have rather had like a fight club than a tea party, but those are hard to get started.
And another thing: Don’t you think the tea parties have not been focused enough on the threat of meteors? Certainly not as much as the group Concerned Citizens Against Meteors. The tea party has been all focused on things like out-of-control spending and taxes, but meteors can destroy like a whole city. Keep some perspective, people.
Also, when was the last time you saw a sign at a tea party protest that was about the need for giant robots that kill people? I’ll soon be a father, and one day my child will look up at me and say, “Dad, are we being protected by giant robots?” And I want to be able to answer, “Yes. And call me Mr. Fleming. Informality killed the dinosaurs.” And then he’ll probably say, “Okay, but what’s with the sword and weird robe?” And I’ll say, “It’s tea time, stupid.”
So maybe the tea parties aren’t covering all the concerns of Americans. Perhaps it would be better if we made just some more general group working towards the original goal of our Founding Fathers: the eradication of all Democrats.
I’m a samurai!
Saving Guam from Capsizing All in a Day’s Work for U.S. Congressmen
I have a new column up at Pajamas Media. Go read it and be smarted.
Random Thoughts
So is a hipster the new evolution of the hippy? Are current antibiotics ineffective against it?
Every time someone is mean to Palin, she goes cries herself to sleep in her big pile of money.
I think society has been in a downward spiral ever since we outlawed bear baiting.
Revenge is a dish best served cold, and living well is the best revenge. So Palin has ultimate revenge being rich in Alaska.
Though living well is the best revenge, poisoning is pretty high on the list too.
Best way to trick someone into being poisoned:
STEP 1: Get bottle of poison.
STEP 2: Conceal skull and crossbones on bottle using a Sharpie.
STEP 3: Write “Drink Me” on bottle.
STEP 4: Leave bottle where it will be seen by victim.
Works every time, especially if you’re trying to poison a dog.
I heard this rumor Obama wasn’t even born in America: He was born in Hawaii.
Chris Christie isn’t very efficient. Yes, he’s twice the conservative of your average governor, but he’s also three times the size.
I find the census fascinating; how novel it is for the government to be doing something actually mentioned in the Constitution.
So the last time the U.S. formally declared war was WWII? I guess we’re just used to being more informal these days. I blame rampant hatlessness.
Gov. Christie should help New Jersey’s economy, but he’s personally put three restaurants out of business by using their all you can eat buffets.