Archive of entries posted on 20th April 2010

lolbama! Part 38

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This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.


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From Peregrine John:

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My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Hart of That Hero:

From Hatless in Hattiesburg:

From Hart of That Hero:

From Jared:

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From Hart of That Hero:

From Jason:

From MarcoMancuso:

From Travelwise42:

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with comes in two flavors (hat tip: Laurie):

Caption as is:

Make your own sign:

Submit on either or both.

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Horrible Pun of the Day

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I like coming up with horrible puns, but I don’t usually post them because they’re so horrible. I’m going to post one now, but here is your warning it is horrible. I don’t want you reading it and them complaining it’s awful and not funny because I already know that. It’s so bad, it may cause you to never find me funny again. We’re talking like a pun so horrible, it’s physically painful. So once again, if you choose to read the pun, don’t come crying to me because I’m giving you plenty of warning here. You did this to yourself.

Continue reading ‘Horrible Pun of the Day’ »

Lawbreaking Founding Fathers

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Just when you like to have heroes like the Founding Fathers, you find out that George Washington has a library fine of $300,000. That’s right; he checked out a book and never returned it. He was all like, “I’m George Washington! I made this country! I do what I want! If you get in my face, I’ll shoot you like you’s British!” All the Founding Fathers were malcontents. Benjamin Franklin would jaywalk constantly. James Madison liked to litter. And Thomas Jefferson was into insane conspiracy theories.

Wait, I got Thomas Jefferson confused with Ron Paul; it’s easy to do.

Know Thy Enemy: Volcanoes 2.0

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With volcanoes in the news lately, I thought I’d do a Know Thy Enemy on them. Then I found out I already did one. Well, Science! has advanced a lot since then and numerous more facts are known about volcanoes, so I had my crack research team come up with an even more comprehensive list of what we know about volcanoes:

FUN FACTS ABOUT VOLCANOES

* Volcanoes erupt when, deep within the earth, deposits of baking soda mix with deposits of vinegar.

* Volcanoes are like mountains… but with a gooey center!

* What a volcano kills most people with is its lava… or is it its smoke. Well, whatever it is, just stay the hell away from whatever comes out of a volcano.

* Iceland names their volcanoes by repeatedly smashing their palm into a keyboard.

* Where lava comes from is deep within the earth. If you dig a lot, after getting through the dirt, you’ll hit hot magma. And then China.

* If you dig a hole that flows magma into China, the Chinese will get angry. Stupid Commies.

* Scientists say that global warming can cause volcanoes. If you think that’s idiotic, Science! has also proved that global warming causes idiotic scientific arguments, so bad Science! is even more proof of global warming, stupids!

* Many islands have volcanoes. This is much more dramatic because then you can’t just drive away from the slowly moving magma.

* Volcanoes can easily shut down air travel any time they want, which is why most volcanoes are on the “No Fly” list.

* I’d hope on a normal day, though, they still wouldn’t let someone named Eyjafjallajökull on a plane.

* To stop a volcano, throw a virgin in it. Sluts only make it angrier.

* Volcanoes can contribute to mass extinction events, so if you see lots of animals around you dying and can’t figure out why, the killer is probably either a volcano or a butler.

* A volcanic explosion puts a huge amount of pollution into the air, making it comparable to Al Gore.

* If the volcano you see is hollowed out, look out for evil geniuses.

* If you see a lava flow coming towards you, jump! Maybe it will cool to regular harmless rock before you hit the ground.

* Childhood obesity is another cause of volcanic eruptions. I’m not sure how, but I just really hate fat kids and I’m pretty sure volcanoes do to.

* Extremely large volcanoes capable of causing mass extinction events are called “supervolcaoes”. Volcanoes capable of climbing walls and sensing danger are called “spider-volcanoes”.

* The reason things get so hot within the earth is because the earth is spinning. To demonstrate this effect, spin around really fast and then take your temperature.

* In a fight between a volcano and Aquaman, the exact results of the fight wouldn’t be known until ten thousand years later when Aquaman’s remains are unearthed from the rock.

* If you think you see an erupting volcano, call the police. Someone should know about it.

* A volcano can explode with far more power than a nuclear bomb, and yet the earth refuses to take part in disarmament talks.

* Whatever you do, don’t let your kids play on a volcano’s edge unless it has railing.

* The Roman god most closely associated with volcanoes is Vulcan, god of logic and bowl haircuts.

* The site of Yellowstone National Park was once a giant volcano. If that ever goes off again, expect park services to ask for more money. They’re always looking for an excuse to ask for more money.

Idea So Obama Can Not Raise Taxes

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With the rising deficits, it’s pretty inevitable that Obama will eventually pass some huge tax hikes. Still, he promised not to raise them, and at least five or six people believed that promise. So I have an idea so Obama can get more money without raising taxes.

Here’s what Obama needs to do: Hire a bunch of professional thieves to break into people’s houses and bank accounts and steal their money. I looked it up, and theft is technically not a tax. Obama can help out the thieves by passing a “Let’s All Keep Our Doors Unlocked” policy, plus with all those fundraising letters he sends out, he probably already has a ton of people’s credit card numbers. So Obama should be able to steal plenty of money.

Yes, people will be angry from all the theft, but Obama can just use that to help pass whatever his pet legislation is. Like how he used the jobs crisis to pass health care reform for some reason, he can be like, “I know what can stop all this theft: Cap & Trade!”

Wow, I could be like a really good Democrat if I wanted to.

Random Thoughts

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Liberal Prayer: “Lord, please – PLEASE – let my opponents be racially motivated.”

Dude, Iceland needs to get its land under control. It can’t be exploding all the time like that.

In that bar where they found the iPhone they should also check around for Fermat’s elegant proof to his last theorem.

I heard that Iceland found a magic monkey’s paw and wished on it that the world would pay them more attention.

Iceland has government run health care, and it’s exploding. Just thought I’d mention that.

I’m sick and tired of the racism in the conservative movement, so I’m going to be a liberal. Know what we need? More taxes!

No, wait, I really hate taxes. I’m going to be a racist again.

Is gun control pretty much dead in this country? I guess it will finally be buried when California flips to right to carry.

By the time Obama ends don’t ask don’t tell, it will be a moot point since the military will be all robots. Well, it might help C3PO openly serve.