Archive of entries posted on 22nd April 2010

Compare & Contrast

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So, Sam Aanestad got interviewed on the Fred Thompson Show, and I gotta tell ya, I hope he’s got bigger aspirations after Lt. Gov. of California.

Here’s an interview video I found on this guy:


[YouTube direct link]

Basically, he answers two questions:

Should California tax internet businesses?

and

Should California tax sugary drinks to fight obesity?

The short version of his answers:

“Are you nuts? That’ll cost California thousands of jobs!”

and

“Are you nuts? That’s what parents are for!”

Now, just imagine Obama’s answers:

“No… because it should be a Federal tax. Those fat cat business owners need to have their wealth spread around!”

and

“No… because it should be a Federal tax. Those super-fatty-fat-fat soda drinkers need to have their wealth spread around!”

Sam in 2012.

Anyway, if you like this guy, show him some love over here.

Der Fuehrer’s Face

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Conservatives think liberals are stupid. Because they are.

Liberals think conservatives are stupid. Because stupid liberals think stupid things.

There’s nothing — nothing! — that liberals and conservatives agree about.

Except Hitler.

We want our Hitler. And Constantin Film is taking our Hitler away.

I want Hitler parodies. Democratic Underground wants Hitler parodies.

Think about that.

There’s a socialist in the White House, the U.S. might shoot down Israeli jets if they attack Iran … but we agree that we want our Hitler?

Freakin’ Bizarro World.

Barbershop Quartet Sing the Ewok Celebration Song

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I’ll have to repost this if things go well in November:

Fear of the Right Being Unhinged Is Making the Left Unhinged

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So the guy who does the voice work for Geico ads heard on the internets that the Tea Parties are extremists so he decided he better call them up and yell at them, following the simple troll logic of:

STEP 1: Scream insults at people
STEP 2: ???
STEP 3: Profit!

He must have messed up step 2, because now he’s lost his job.

Now if rumors of Tea Parties being extreme are enough to get people to make unhinged rants and lose their jobs, how long until rumors of Tea Parties being violent makes the left violent? I think we’re already past that point.

So what do we do? I’m going to go with the standard conservative response: Nothing. Even if the left get all angry and stuff and try to slap us and what not, I can’t really pretend I’m scared. Still, this is getting annoying. The left were unhinged under Bush. Now, with their own president, they’re even more unhinged worried about losing power. Maybe with Obamacare, they should give them all free shots of something to calm them down.

Celebrate Earth Day!

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Earth, or a similar sized planet.

It’s Earth Day! Time to celebrate Earth!

And I just can’t tell you how much I absolutely hate all other planets. They just suck compared to Earth. Mercury is an angry little dwarf. Venus is a hot mess. Mars is a ginger. Jupiter is just a big smelly mass of gas. Saturn had to get rings to even try and be interesting. Uranus is a sex offender. Neptune is a weird loner. And Pluto… well that’s not even a planet anymore. And don’t even get me started on 47 Ursae Majoris b.

So what’s your favorite things about Earth? I love it’s molten core — Earth has a liquid center; how awesome is that? I also like its rotation speed. And it’s cool how it’s composed 32.1% of iron, so you know it’s structurally sound.

What I don’t like about Earth, though, is its moon. That thing creeps me out. It doesn’t even have a name. I want it gone.

Still, forget the moon. Today is the day we celebrate Earth. Go Earth! You are a good planet. I will lay down on the ground and give you a hug. My dog will probably pee on you, but ignore her; she is ungrateful.

So thank you Earth for being a good planet. You certainly will do until we eventually find something better. One with less earthquakes and volcanoes. What’s up with those?

Bear with Its Head Stuck in a Milk Jug

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Poor bear. And this was just after he was elected president of bears.

He's a very smart bear.

Apparently, he’s a very smart bear and was just quite curious whether his head would fit in a milk jug.

You’re probably wondering if we could be facing an epidemic of bears with their heads stuck in things. Yes, we could. There isn’t much in nature bears can get their heads stuck in, but humans make lots of things a bear could get stuck on its head. So this Earth Day, before you toss something in the forest, think to yourself, “Could a bear gets its head stuck in this?” Also consider whether or not you like bears. Then toss or don’t toss the object in the forest based on that data.

Chris Matthews Threatened the President!

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In this Hardball clip, Chris Matthews suggests that President Obama should be more like Teddy Roosevelt:


[RealClearPolitics direct link]

Crissy, your code words are showing, because we all know what happened to Teddy Roosevelt:

During a stop in Milwaukee on his 1912 “Bull Moose” campaign for the presidency, Roosevelt was shot at close range by John Schrank, a psychotic New York saloonkeeper. Schrank had his .38 caliber pistol aimed at Roosevelt’s head, but a bystander saw the gun and deflected Schrank’s arm just as the trigger was pulled. Roosevelt did not realize he was hit until someone noticed a hole in his overcoat. When Roosevelt reached inside his coat, he found blood on his fingers.

Everyone knows that dangerous, irresponsible, hate speech like this incites unhinged people to violence.

If anything happens, Chris Matthews must be held accountable.

Random Thoughts

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New $100 unveiled. How can you spot a counterfeit? Considering the economic climate, anyone claiming to have one is probably lying.

The redesigning of our money will be done when the center image is replaced with a guy with a big white mustache and a top hat.

Just remember to collect two of the new hundred dollar bills when you pass Go.

The left has to stop their rhetoric about the right becoming unhinged before it leads to violence. Well, more violence.

Honestly, an MSNBC anchor probably shouldn’t be pointing out how the channel’s biggest draw is unhinged. Business, yo.

Now that I’ve said my statement preceded by “Honestly”, I’m going back to being dishonest.

I have a new goal in life: Grow the world’s largest cherry tomato.