Is Stephen Hawking becoming a media whore? The other day he was bucking conventional wisdom saying we should never make contact with space aliens because they’ll probably just mindlessly attack us like aliens from 50s b-movies, and now he has controversial views about time travel.

His controversial view: If we move really fast, time slows.

Isn’t that basic relativity we figured out like a hundred years ago? Why is he telling us that like it’s news?

Hawking, you need to make some better statement that would really shake things up. Something like, “What humans society needs to preserve its existence far into the future: GIANT ROBOTS THAT FIGHT EACH OTHER!!!”

And if people question the necessity of that, you can be like, “Fools! I know physics! Don’t question me! Science! demands giant robots that fight each other! Would you dare defy Science!? Also, don’t forget to make them jive-talk and break dance.”

Then finally we could have Science! do something worthwhile.

In making the Top 10 Democrat Slogans T-Shirt, there were a lot of slogans that didn’t make the shirt. Here’s some more I cam up with:

MORE DEMOCRAT PARTY SLOGANS

* We don’t need to read a bill, we just need to know whether it makes the government bigger.

* Iran can have nukes, but you can’t have salt.

* Shape up voters, or we’ll get a cheap replacement for you from Mexico.

* The Commerce Clause says we don’t have to follow the Constitution.

* SHUT UP AND BE GRATEFUL!!!

* You work so hard for your money; you really should try and enjoy watching us spend it.

* We only consider it wasteful spending when you’re doing the spending.

* You still have your freedoms; we just get to tell you how to use them.

* We won’t care about terrorists until they threaten to vote against us.

* The magical combination of incompetence plus arrogance.

* We won’t rest until the government wastes every dollar you earn.

* The optimal tax rate is however much we can get away with.

* We’ll take the power and the money, you do the work.

* Fighting debt by increasing spending; fighting fascism by increasing government.

* Hating you for your freedom.

* What you’d expect from people whose best and brightest are Pelosi and Harry Reid.

* Running for office here because we’re too lazy to move to Europe.

* In a just world, we’d be living in a cardboard box instead of making laws.

* If it can’t be solved by a giant new government program, too bad – that’s all we’re proposing.

* Why be for freedom when you can be for Freesmart™?

* We like the Constitution: Vintage toilet paper!

* We don’t like America and we won’t rest until you don’t like it either.

* Don’t worry; you’ll like the new freedoms we made up even better.

* If the government does a single competent thing, we’ve failed.

* For freedom unless it means we can’t control you and have your money.

* Aggressively useless.

* Don’t really like freedom or apple pie (trans-fats).

* The Founding Fathers shot British people for less than what we’re doing.

* If the Constitution is against what we’re doing, it must be racist.

* So the Constitution is like an actual thing? You sure?

* Just because you pay taxes, you think you have a right to give us your opinion?

* Don’t like us arrogantly dismissing you? How about we just call you racist.

* We’re really smart; the New York Times told us so.

* Having a slogan would be admitting we need to explain ourselves to you.

* Government like the Founders envisioned: Dimwitted, entitled lawyers spending all your money.

Well the left keep wishing and hoping for that angry white guy terrorist with an unmistakable right-wing agenda, but keep getting disappointed. They had a few they tried to sell as that, but those involved had ranted against Dick Cheney or quoted Karl Marx so it was trying to shove a square peg into a round hole to blame it on Tea Parties. Then some were hoping to score big with the Time Square attempted bombing, but now the name of a suspect in custody has been released: Faisal Shahzad.

Don’t lose hope, liberals; one of these days you’ll get that terror attack that fits your agenda. I mean, there are like a hundred million conservatives in this country; eventually one of them has to do something violent. Then you can be like, “See! We have to stop listening to any of the conservative agenda because it causes violence! That’s what we’ve been telling you for so long, and finally — finally — that violence came. Man, we were starting to worry it would never come.”

I think the reason liberals are so eager for right-wing violence to screech about is they’ve just never been comfortable with free speech. Because of the liberal media, conservatives are pretty used to conflicting opinion, but liberals not so much. They know enough they can’t just pass laws to silence people they disagree with (well, most of the time), so they really are hoping for some violence so they can announce, “See people disagreeing with us causing violence! You have to shut up!” Problem is, even if conservatives never did speak up, most people in America would still find liberals’ views asinine.