So says… SCIENCE!

I guess this is why everyone hate moderates — they’re weak. We should crush them. I don’t know whether that would be good or evil, but we will be stronger for it according to Science!.

Now Science! needs to look into whether being good or evil makes fish more likely to listen to your commands.

Faisal Shahzad. He’s a Muslim who trained with the Taliban in Pakistan and then tried to blow up a bomb in Times Square. Why? Apparently, his motives are shrouded in mystery.

We at IMAO love dangerous speculation, though, so we’re going to try and take a guess at what his motives could be:

POSSIBLE MOTIVES OF FAISAL SHAHZAD

* Was blowing up a SUV to protest Obama’s slow movement on cap & trade.

* He got tired of people making fun of his beard.

* Just thought it was a quick way to dispose of fertilizer.

* He got tried of people pronouncing his first name like he’s the mouse from An American Tale.

* He was racist against Barack Obama.

* He got tired of people doing imitations of Gomer Pyle when saying his last name.

* It was performance art.

* An older boy told him to do it.

* He was upset at how DC comics killed off Aquaman.

* It was the only way to get people to recall their lives in a parallel universe.

* Jihad.

I guess we’ll never know.

BTW, was anyone else surprised by how quickly people took credit for the bombing attempt? The Taliban tried to take credit right away and Shahzad admitted to it immediately when caught. When the attempt sucked that bad, you’d think there would be a little more distancing from it.

I swear, I hear one more person conflate illegal aliens with legal immigration, I will pop them. It seems like people for not enforcing the border know they have an untenable position (which they hold only because they think illegal aliens could be a voting advantage), so they invent strawmen who are against immigration in general. It’s like assuming because someone is against rape, they’re against sex.

In a way, it’s our fault. We should never have let the term “illegal immigrant” catch on. You don’t call shoplifting an “illegal purchase” because it’s not a purchase at all. Same way sneaking into the country and hiding from the law isn’t immigrating.

Me, I’m all for more immigration. Immigrants make the best Americans because they don’t take what we have for granted, having started out often in countries that suck and having to work to get here rather than just being born here. They’re certainly better than the weasels trying to confuse any debate about enforcing the border. How about we deport all the those weasels and replace them with legal immigrants? It would be a much better country.