They’re talking about banning the burqa in France. Banning anything makes me uncomfortable as an American, but this is France. They also have more trouble with Muslims as they sometimes have — what do they call them — “youths” running around and setting cars on fire. We wouldn’t put up with the crap here in America.

So what is the point at which you stop being polite and say, “Your culture is stupid and irritating; stop it.”? This had sort of come up once in Florida when a woman tried to use a covered face for her driver’s license photo which just plain didn’t work. And there is something that feel quite anti-American about the burqa. A lot of America’s history is about fighting oppression (both inside and out), and making women walk around in hefty bags seems pretty antithetical to that. Sure, it could be the woman’s choice to wear a burqa, but Islam doesn’t really seem to be a lot about respecting women’s decisions.

Would banning the burqa in America be cromulent? What do you think?

In a recent poll, 87% said they think English should be America’s official language. That’s a lot of people. 9% disagreed, and 4% answered “Qué?”

Right now, we like unofficially have an official language of English. So when people are trying to pander on amnesty, they’re always like, “We’ll make sure they have to learn English first.” Why? It’s not the official language. It’s just the language the Declaration of Independence and Constitution were written in and the language anyone with aspirations beyond dishwasher learns. Other countries learn English just because it’s the language we speak and thus the language of success, so it’s pretty silly we ever even act like people can come to this country and not learn it.

Of course, there are some people afraid that if we make English the official language, then people are going to then beat people up who don’t speak English. That’s ridiculous. We’re just going to beat up hippies, regardless of what language they speak. In fact, when we can understand them, it only makes us angrier.

It could be worse, though: We could have two official languages like Quebec. There everything written in English also has to be repeated in unintelligible monkey jibber. That’s just unworkable. Think if when we have dinosaurs with rocket launchers and the law required that they have to respond to multiple languages so as not to be discriminatory. Can dinosaurs even learn that many languages? I don’t know because there hasn’t been good studies on dinosaur intelligence since most of our knowledge comes from the dumb ones who fell in tar.

One more thing: If we make English our official language, we should change its name to “American.” It’s our language now; we own it!

So we’ve found out the IMAO Baby, due in October, is going to be a girl. So if you have any good girl name suggestions, now is the time to tell them. I really like “Buttercup” for a middle name, but SarahK doesn’t like it because she hates joy and happiness. But I’m pretty settled on it; she’s going to be my little Princess Buttercup and I’m going to love her forever.

And I still think “Vengeance” is a good girl’s name.

So come up with some cool name suggestions, and if you want to celebrate that we’re having a girl, here’s a good idea: Buy my new t-shirt. Money will go towards buying Princess Buttercup pink things.