Right Wing News has a list of the top 50 action movie lines, which got me thinking of why don’t we see action movie lines in real life more often? I guess it’s because people are usually panicky after killing someone and so not as likely to say something clever. Really, you have to be at least somewhat sociopahtic about death to be cracking wise while killing. Plus, killing doesn’t often happen with an audience, and nothing says crazy like killing people and then talking to yourself.

Still, I thought I could come up with some cool action movie lines myself. Try these on:

When shooting someone in the face. “Now you’re dead… IN THE FACE!”

When killing someone after he said something that could be taking as innuendo. “That’s what she bled.”

“Time to bring on the pain… and I don’t mean the window kind! That’s pronounced the same but spelled differently that the pain I am talking about. So, to reiterate, the pain I am bringing is the P-A-I-N kind and has nothing to do with windows… unless I throw you through one. Then I guess pane would be causing you pain… or would you be touching the pane? I forget what part of the window is the pane; is that the glass or the frame? Whoa, what was I talking about again?”

“I have something in my pocket for your face… MY FIST!”

When attacking people with a dinosaur with rocket launchers on it. “You better kiss Jur-ASS-ic goodbye!”

When nuking the moon. “That that… moon!” (Okay I admit that one could use some more work).

“I know what you’re thinking, punk: Did I fire six bullets or only five. Being this is a Glock with seventeen rounds, it’s a moot point, but I’m doing a cognitive psychology study on people’s ability to count in stressful situation. You’ll get twenty dollars to participate. So, do you feel like helping science? Well, do ya, punk?”

Yeah, I’m awesome.

Woody Allen suggested that maybe Obama should be dictator for a while. Creepy pervs do seem to agree that Obama doesn’t have enough power. And it has to frustrate liberals that while they can get elected pretending to be moderate, as soon as they try to do any liberal legislation everyone intensely hates them. But would they want a dictatorship? It would sound even dumber to blame the Republicans for blocking everything in that situation.

Still, I guess I could see Obama getting a cool robe and then calling himself Emperor Obamatine, but I just don’t see how his experience as a community organizer will help him rule through fear. The only real supporters he has left are weenie liberals, and how is Obama going to make them his secret police to keep the populace in line? Effective stormtroopers can’t be scared off anytime someone threatens to turn the garden hose on them.

But if Obama wants to be dictator, I support it. It works for us, because then it would no longer be unpatriotic to depose him.

So what happened last night? I don’t know; it all caught me by surprise since I didn’t know there was supposed to be elections last night. But stuff happened and it seems to be important. So let’s go over them.

ELECTION RESULTS:

* PA Democrat Primary for Senate: Arlen Specter tried switching parties knowing Republicans hate him, but ends up the Democrats didn’t like him either and nominated a Sleestak over him. Specter’s political career is now over, so he’ll go back to teaching Scottish law. Crist can consider this a preview of what’s going to happen to him, except not as orange.

* PA-12 Special Election: This was a special election to fill the seat Murtha left when he went all dead and what not. Republicans were hoping to pick up this seat and prove doom to the Democrats in November, but they didn’t and now Republicans are huge failures and no one thinks they’ll win anything in November. Then again, Murtha said that his district was full of dumb racist — apparently so racist and so dumb that they’ll vote for someone who calls them dumb racist as long as he keeps bringing other people’s money to the district. So I spit on them. Peh.

* Kentucky Republican Primary for Senate: RAND PAUL! RAND PAUL! RAND PAUL! Yes, Ron Paul’s son — whose name just screams more crazy — is going to be the Republican candidate for Senate in Kentucky. He’ll probably win too, unless the Jews can somehow stop him. Rand Paul is supposed to be less crazy than his father, but I still recommend that if someone identifies himself as an enthusiastic Rand Paul supporter that you back away slowly while avoid eye contact.

* Other Elections: I don’t remember what the other elections were and am too lazy to google them.

So what’s it all mean? Well, Republicans didn’t do very well — especially in Democrat primaries, so tone down your enthusiasm and expect resistance to the Democrats to fizzle and die in November. That may be upsetting, but the Obama administration will soon require us to install chips in our brains that will fix that, so no big problem. And one day I’ll fix things when I run on my “dinosaurs with rocket launchers” platform.