Wacky disgraced Congressman Eric Massa has accused General Petraeus and Dick Cheney of meeting together in some sort of “treasonous plot.” Do you think this could be about the Dick Cheney Assassination Squad? I find it encouraging, at least. No matter how bad things get, I know out there are Dick Cheney and his handpicked squad — probably led by General Petraeus — riding dinosaurs and armed with laser rifles ready to put things right.

Did you see that Joe Biden said that Brussels, Belgium, has a “legitimate claim” to the title of “capital of the free world”? How insane is that?

“Oh no! A new world war is breaking out! How will we save democracy?”

“Quick, let’s call Belgium and find out what to do!”

What are they going to do? Serve tasty waffles? When was the last time Belgium did anything, if ever? They’re like a nothing. If they were a character in a movie, they wouldn’t even be named in the credits and would instead be listed as “European Country Number 3”. Saying Belgium could have a legitimate claim to “capital of the free world” is like saying Aquaman could have a claim to the title “greatest super hero”… which if true means that next big crisis, we’re all dead.

Didn’t know what I thought about the last episode of Lost right after I watched it, but my opinion gelled pretty quickly and here are the things I wrote on Twitter the morning after:

Lost Finale Summary: The why of the island is unimportant; what’s important is that everyone learned a valuable lesson.

It seemed more like a finale for the characters than a finale for the island.

You can’t make a show all about the weird secrets of an island and then make the island only vaguely important in the finale. Well, I guess you can (they did), but I won’t like it.

I hope the 24 finale isn’t as ambiguous. If Jack Bauer found out he was in purgatory, he’d probably torture his way out.

They could do a Lost style finale for American Idol. Instead of telling us who won, they’ll just focus on the banter of the judges.

The message of the Lost finale is we’ll be stuck in purgatory until we let go of how disappointed we are in the Lost finale.

I wish Jack Bauer was on the Lost island. He’d get answer one way or another; he always does.

I didn’t expect the Lost finale to actually wrap things up nicely, but I did expect at least a half-assed try to do so.

The Lost creators made that finale knowing full well Obama doesn’t have the courage to send them to Gitmo.

The Seinfeld finale tried and failed to sum things up. I feel like Lost didn’t even try.

I know I vowed this after the X-Files and Alias, but I will never trust a show with mysterious plot lines again!

Now, some people seemed to like the finale and thought it was some sort of genius, and I feel like they got some Kool-Aid I didn’t get a sip of. We spend all these years seeing the mysteries of the island, and the finale doesn’t care anything about the island. It’s all about the characters finding peace in purgatory, but it could have been a cop show and you could have the finale be about the characters in purgatory — it’s like the setting no longer mattered. People are trying to justify that by saying the show was really all about the characters, but I never felt that way. Half the time I was only putting up with Jack’s whininess because the mysteries of the island were so interesting. Really, how many people after the first season were not wondering, “What’s in the hatch?” but instead wondering, “I wonder what all the characters will feel about what’s in the hatch?”

The first season finale was the first big sign of trouble. It ended with the hatch being blown open but not even the slightest tease of what was inside — because the writers didn’t know the answer yet. I was well aware they were just throwing weird stuff on screen with no idea of the backstory, and it really started to wear the series down in the third season. Then they decided they would only have three more seasons and had a killer third-season finale and it seemed like they were actually moving towards something. Nope.

“The island has a light and it has to be protected because… well, let’s not worry about that. The important thing is Jack made friends and learned something about himself.”

I didn’t expect a great resolution that answered things in the finale, but I at lease expected an attempt to give the island some overall meaning. They didn’t even try. Inexcusable.

UPDATE:

Doctor Zero feels similarly and expresses some other points of contention I agree with. Also, now that I think of it, I’m not very convinced the Lost creators even had this ending in mind when they started the season and might have just hacked it together as a last minute copout.