No internet at home so I wasn’t able to write posts today. Still, I wanted you to tell you that today is my birthday which I also have declared in the past to be National Gun Safety Day, so just know that if you accidentally shoot yourself today, it’s a personal insult to me.

Entertain yourself by wishing me happy birthday in the comments.

Now!

The final hours tick away. Judgement Day approaches.

And it’s not some namby-pamby Judgement Day consisting of nuclear holocaust followed by an murderous cyborgs with Austrian accents.

We’re talking Fred himself judging your entries.

Last call. Make it count, people.

Here’s the background & rule-related mumbo-jumbo again for folks who came late to the party or who just have short memories:

So the powers-that-be over at the Fred Thompson Show said “Hey Harvey, go promote Fred’s book, ‘Teaching the Pig to Dance’. Here’s 3 signed copies courtesy of Premiere Collectibles you can use for prizes”.

I said “Cool!”

Here’s how it works:

Contest runs 3 days, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. You put in the comments what you think is Fred’s best line. 3 winners are selected from all submissions posted before Midnight on Friday. Winners announced Monday. Prizes are awarded to said winners (assuming they had the foresight to include a working email with their comment and I can get ahold of them to get a mailing address).

“Fred’s best line” means any quote, from any of Fred’s TV shows, movies, his radio show, his YouTube videos, old Lightning Round videos, Facebook, Twitter, etc. that you think totally rocks.

Now, IMAO is not some sort of fact-stickler news organization like CNN or MSNBC, so it’s not like anybody’s going to actually check your quote to see if it’s real. So if you just completely make something up that kinda sounds like something Fred would say, like “If these Democrats don’t stop passing these ridiculous spending bills, I’m gonna grab a copy of the Constitution and beat ’em sensible with it,” who am I to question its truthiness?

For those who do not win, and for those voyeurs who just want to sit and watch while everyone else has fun, signed copies of “Teaching the Pig to Dance” are available for purchase at Premiere Collectibles for $25 plus shipping.

I should note that Father’s Day is coming up fast, and – having read this book – I can tell you that any human male who has survived his “stubborn, stupid, invincible teenager stage” and progressed to the “responsible parenthood stage” of his life will find a kindred soul in the pages of this tome and enjoy it immensely.

Book-plugging time over. Make with the quotes in the commments.