North Korea is demanding $65 trillion in compensation from the U.S. You want to laugh at North Korea’s wacky antics that only ever convince countries to take them less seriously, but then you remember these nutjobs control the lives of millions of people. It’s like the most moronic, obnoxious troll you’ve met on the internet as unquestioned dictator. It’s just wrong that government exists and those leaders live, but it’s also well established now that we don’t like going to other countries and setting up new governments.

So how about this idea: First chance we get, we murder all of North Korea’s leadership.

Yes, they’ll probably just put other evil nutjobs in charge. So here’s what we do: We kill them, too. And we just keep doing that over and over until they run out of evil nutjobs and have to put someone somewhat sensible in charge. I think it’s a sensible idea — probably for other countries too — and won’t take any troop commitments as soon as we have lasers that can kill people from space. How many times do I have to say this, people: Smart diplomacy = space lasers.

I’m just trying to build us a better world; people really need to start listening to me.

There’s talk that General Petraeus may change the rules of engagement in Afghanistan. We here at IMAO have obtained an advanced copy of what those new rules may be:

LETHAL FORCE CAN BE APPLIED WHEN…

* Someone is shooting at you.

* Someone is shooting near you.

* Someone is shooting another Transformers sequel.

* Someone blows into a vuvuzela.

* You already tried fisticuffs, and that didn’t work.

* You have written permission from your parents.

* Someone makes a “Yo’ Mama” joke that really stings.

* You ask, “Can I use lethal force against you?” and you’re pretty sure you see the guy nod.

* You’ve run into the inventor of clamshell packaging.

* Someone just looks extra, super terroristy.

* Hippies.

* Someone throws a puppy at you.

* You’re absolutely sure there’s no media around.

The evidence points towards “No.”

First, there are all the people convinced the law says, “Arrest brown people,” and no amount of evidence will convince them otherwise. And then there was a hearing in Milwaukee on boycotting Arizona, and Supervisor Peggy West said that the law wasn’t understandable because Arizona isn’t a border state. So we’ve gone from people not reading the Arizona law before opposing it to people not even bothering to look where Arizona is on a map.

There are just certain issues where nothing can get done because one side has determined there is a partisan advantage to screeching incoherently if anything is tried. At least people are so ignorant about this one, maybe Arizona can relieve some pressure by tricking people into boycotting cities that are actually in Ohio.