So I’m learning all about birthing stuff for when little Buttercup is ready to come into this world, and one thing I learned so far has really bothered me. See, there are these things called “Braxton Hicks contractions”, which are some mild, non-painful contractions that happen weeks before real labor.

So here is my obvious problem with them: I assume women have had these since time immemorial, so why are they named after some guy? I can only assume thousands of years ago, women were like, “Hey, I’m having these early contraction thingees” but no one came up with a name for them then? But then one day, some scientist, John Braxton Hicks, says, “We had assumed the early contractions women complained about were just a product of their feeble, female minds, but I have proved they exist, so we shall name them after me!”

Scientists are a bunch of jerks.

John Hawkins has a list of worst people in American history as picked by righty bloggers, and it’s been somewhat controversial. For one, they have Jimmy Carter ranked as worse than Timothy McVeigh. Plus, it’s hard to believe Michael Moore is one of the worst people in American history when I’m guessing most people don’t even know who he is now.

For my list, I didn’t pick anyone who was still living so there would be some historical perspective, but it was an odd thing to pick anyone for. I believe it was Ed Morrisey who noted if you didn’t pick political people, you’d basically just have a list of serial killers, which wouldn’t be very informative. So anyway, it’s really subjective, but I figured I should at least offer some tips on how not to be a worst American.

TIPS ON HOW NOT TO BE A WORST AMERICAN

* Brush your teeth
* Don’t be rude
* Be nice to your parents
* Don’t murder people
* Don’t put your merchandise in clamshell packaging
* Respect the opinions of others
* Don’t set orphanages on fire just for fun
* Don’t vote for Democrats
* Don’t blow into a vuvuzela
* Eat your vegetables
* Don’t be racist
* Don’t be Irish
* Don’t bite
* Be gentle to puppies and kittens
* Avoid Marxism
* Don’t be an internet troll
* Don’t build a mosque at Ground Zero
* Don’t text while driving
* Don’t tie people up in your basement

Do you have any tips for not being a worst American? If you have any good suggestion, I’ll make you one of my picks for best American.

Obama weighed in on the Ground Zero mosque… or he sorta did. At first he made it look like he was all like, “Yay! Ground Zero mosque! That’s Muslim-tastic!” But later he clarified his remarks to say he wasn’t talking about the wisdom of building the mosque, just whether they had a right to build a mosque — which no one was disputing. So once again, Obama voted present and was completely useless.

Anyway, my main problem with this issue — which, of course, Obama didn’t weigh in on at all — is that once again we see the opinion of the majority of Americans being completely dismissed by those in power. A lot of people these days find it a lot easier to cover their ears and scream, “Bigot!” rather than actually listening to any arguments on an issue. We have the usual “moderate” Muslim imam involved with this who thinks that terrorism is a complicated issue, but people won’t acknowledge that it might be worth looking into whether Cordoba’s desire to build a mosque close to Ground Zero is on the up and up. There’s a lot of arrogance and bigotry here, and it’s densest and most abhorrent on the left and aimed at the American people at large.

Again, it’s not who is right or wrong on this issue, it’s that people have a right to at least have their opinions considered and not shouted down by petty, useless people. If this dismissive attitude towards America continues much longer, that’s big trouble right there.