Scientists say the moon is shrinking. I don’t know what to think about that. It could be making itself smaller to throw off any tactical nuclear strike, but it could be even more sinister than that. Maybe it testing out new Ant-Man type powers, and then one day we’ll look up and be like, “Where’d the moon go?” Ends up, it shrunk down to the size of a golf ball. Then it will wait until the time is right to sneak up behind us and suddenly go back to normal size. Then we’ll turn around and be like, “Aieee! The moon!” And we’ll all shoot it, but it will be no use. And then we’ll throw our empty guns at it in frustration, but that probably won’t help either.

We’re going to need smarter moon defenses, people. And by smarter, I mean giant robots.

The economy is pretty bad right now, and then we also have Obama stealing all our money to use on who knows what — giving cocaine to monkeys and things like that. If you think of the economy as a car — and who doesn’t — it’s like Obama got the car out of the ditch, put the gear in ‘D’, loaded it up with explosives, and crashed it into the mall while laughing insanely like the Joker.

Anyway, the point is I’m wondering if we now could actually be in a depression thanks to Obama suicide mission against our well-being and not just in a recession. Well, I looked it up and here are the signs the economy could be in a depression:

SIGNS OF ECONOMIC DEPRESSION

* Economy can’t sleep or sleeps too much

* Economy can’t concentrate or finds that previously easy tasks are now difficult

* Economy feels hopeless and helpless

* Economy can’t control its negative thoughts, no matter how much it tries

* Economy has lost its appetite or can’t stop eating

* Economy is much more irritable and short-tempered than usual

* Economy has thoughts that life is not worth living (seek help immediately if this is the case)

Hurm. Seeming a lot like we’re in a depression when you look at it that way. We may need to get the economy therapy and appropriate medication. We should also get it away from negative influences — like certain U.S. president who will go unnamed.

It’s looking like a major upset in the Alaska GOP primary for Senate, as the Sarah Palin and Tea Party backed candidate Joe Miller is currently ahead of the establishment backed incumbent Lisa Murkowski. I think the lesson don’t have blue-state Republicans in a red state — especially not this year.

We really need to go over the proper application of “moderate” Republicans with the RNC. There are certain states where pretty much everyone sucks and it’s a great accomplishment to get a RINO elected there who will actually vote the GOP some of time. They may suck, but the state sucks so they go together and at least we have a token ‘R’. That’s pretty much always worth it, though really I don’t even want our party name associated with that little nanny dictator running New York City. If it’s not a blue state, then don’t get some whiny little squish because I don’t see the advantage of having the base constantly infuriated at the GOP.

Oh, and if you do have to get a blue state Republican, at least get one who has something they’re really conservative at. New Jersey is a lead-paint guzzling blue state, but Chris Christie doesn’t seem like a RINO because he loves cutting the budget so much. And Giuliani never seemed that bad because he loved beating criminals and terrorist to death with a tire iron.

Oh, and one last thing, I want someone to apologize to me for Hagel. I don’t know who, but someone. And it should be in writing.