Stephen Hawking has said that physics, not God, was the reason for the Big Bang, a pronouncement that should shatter religious views among those who’ve never spent more than three minutes in theological thought. I mean, he might be smart at science, but this is dumb teenager level on theology.

“Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing,” said Hawking. So I should I point out the obvious? If you have gravity, then it wasn’t nothing, dummy! I mean you can say physics causing something to come from nothing, but where did the laws of physics come from? Did they spontaneously arise? If so, what caused that? Were they around forever? Are you saying physics just is, like God?

The fact is, if the universe were pure nothing — no energy or matter or laws governing them — then science would be very much able to explain everything. You don’t need God or forces outside science for nothing. But as soon as you have something — anything — you get a whole bunch of uncomfortable questions about where did that come from. Existence isn’t rational. And that’s when you move from science to Science! to try to get the square peg into the logical round hole.

So the reason we get crazy people like the Discovery Channel hostage taker is people have extreme views and stuff, and they probably shouldn’t have those. I don’t know where people get extreme views from; maybe it’s from kids on the playground. Anyway, parents should be very careful your kids don’t have extreme views, and if their views get extreme, you should give them a spanking.

Perhaps some people don’t know their views are extreme. That’s silly. It’s very easy to tell if you’re views are extreme. If every time you tell people your views, everyone is like, “That’s crazy!” That means your views are extreme.

But what if people just aren’t enlightened enough on the subject?

That’s not the case. Your views are extreme. Get better views.

I’m pretty sure I’m right and everyone else is just an unthinking sheeple!

No. You are wrong. You have extreme, crazy views and you should stop that.

RON PAUL!

I said stop that! Stop that now!

Wait, who am I talking to?

Anyway, test out your views and if people say they’re crazy, they probably are. But test them out with lots of different people. Like if you’ve only told your views to professors and students on a college campus and they all think you’re super correct, that’s actually a sign your views are both extreme and hugely moronic.

So go out there, and don’t be extreme!

The left keep saying that all of the right’s talk about not liking taxes and big government is going to lead to violence or something, but then it seems like it’s just the left that’s been going crazy lately. Which makes sense. Why do people become violent? Often because they feel voiceless and powerless. Why would the right feel like that, though? They have people like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck constantly annoying liberals so they don’t feel voiceless, and they’re on their way to trounce the left in November, so there is no reason to feel powerless.

What about the left, though? They’re starting to feel voiceless as the MSM is losing influence and all their big lefty heroes like Olbermann have pathetic audiences compared to FOX News reruns. Also, all the issues the left has been doubling down on like the Arizona immigration law and the Ground Zero mosque has only increased the support for the other side, showing Americans are very actively not listening to the left. And how powerless the left must feel as they head for November. The election of Obama with a filibuster proof Senate and a huge majority in the House is the most power liberals will see in their lifetime, and they only got a couple things done which Americans are now itching to tear down. When you look at it that way, there is a huge risk of the left becoming even more unhinged and possibly violent.

The solution: Shove liberals into boxes marked “Do Not Open Until Christmas.” By then, most of the craziness will have passed. Also, now we’ll have a new gift for bad children other than lumps of precious precious coal.

Just make sure to put the liberals into the boxes gently so they don’t accuse us of being violent.