Archive of entries posted on 23rd September 2010

The Politician of the Future

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Thanks to Ace, I’ve found out what an awesome opponent Barney Frank has. His name is Sean Bielat and he’s a Marine who builds robots. That’s right – he kills terrorists and he builds robots! That’s exactly the sort of people who as a child I would have thought we’d have running for office in 2010. Barney Frank, on the other hand, would be who I’d imagine would be in charge if I was thinking we were going to have a dystopian future run by incomprehensible idiots who ruin economies.

Anyway, hopefully this is our future: Marines taking back Congress backed up by their robot buddies. Just as Heinlein envisioned.

How Many People Think Obama Is an Evil Wizard?

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Here’s an Onion article: Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus. But that got me thinking. Right now the left likes to freak out if some poll shows a few people think Obama is a Muslim or not born in this country — of course, though they’re in full freak out mode right now. But has anyone ever done a control case on these type polls? Like poll how many people think Obama is the reincarnation of Hitler or that Obama is mentally retarded or that Obama is an evil wizard? Also, could poll stuff like whether Obama is the second coming of Christ or whether Obama is an advanced human sent from the future to save us.

My guess is that a lot of people just answer these completely partisan and if they don’t like Obama they select what they consider to be the bad answer and if they like Obama they select what they consider to be the good answer — and thus the answers should change with the president’s popularity (which is why even more people think Obama is a Muslim now since everyone thinks he sucks). Nothing more to it than that. I remember some polls during the Bush years where it was like half of Democrats said they thought Bush either knew about or caused 9/11, yet Democrats didn’t really act like they thought the president murdered U.S. citizens (or, at least, I hope if Americans thought the president was a mass murderer, they’d do more than whine a whole bunch). So could people please stop freaking out about these things. All this paranoia about paranoia could lead to violence — mainly me punching you.

More Pledges for America

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The GOP has unveiled “A Pledge to America”, listing their agenda when they take back the House. It’s pretty good, but I can think of a few things to spice it up and really help the Republicans win in November:

MORE PLEDGES FOR AMERICA

* Our nation’s borders will be protected by giant robots.

* Foods will no longer get FDA approval unless they contain bacon.

* To help stimulate the economy, people who whine about the rich will be fired out of cannons.

* We will have a new manned mission to the moon and build a libertarian utopia there.

* We will keep reducing the federal government until it can be run out of some guy’s garage.

* Anytime there is a tax increase, one of the people who voted for it will be randomly chosen to be a human sacrifice to Moloch, god of taxes.

* Obamacare will be destroyed, and all perpetrators of it will be hunted down and forced to battle to the death in the Thunderdome.

* Any new spending increases must receive written permission from all voters.

What do you want added to the GOP agenda?

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Random Thoughts

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I, like the president, have no idea how much apples cost.

50 years ago, even if you were a billionaire you still couldn’t get wireless internet access.

Obama is claiming Obamacare will save a trillion dollars? Might as well claim it saves $80 zillion. Who still buys that?

Harry Reid has to be the most useless, incompetent Senate Majority Leader since Hitler.

You can harp on Microsoft all you want, but their built in calculator is still my all time favorite for doing hexadecimal math.

The scientific name of the Western Lowland Gorilla is Gorilla gorilla gorilla. I’m guessing it’s more gorilla-y than the other gorillas.

Gorillas have near human levels of intelligence, equivalent to that of an Irishman.

If angered, a gorilla will e-mail an editorial denouncing you to multiple newspapers.

Only gorillas kept in captivity are able to bake pies.

The quickest way to enrage a gorilla is to text him as his fingers are too big to respond.

The gorilla is the only surviving ancestor of the pterodactyl.

Whoops; these aren’t gorilla facts. These are facts about your mom.

Buttercup better not come during the Oregon State game or as soon as she gets out she’s grounded.

If only the right-wing could be as calm and reserved as those constantly shrieking about “teabaggers”.

If Obama ever wants to change the subject of the national discussion, he should grow a moustache.