Some people are getting all bent out of shape about the TSA naked scanners and the grope-downs.
But not everybody.
Gloria Allred says she enjoyed it.
Maybe we’re going about this whole thing wrong.
Maybe what we need to do is have some choices. More choices, anyway.
Right now, we have two choices: get your naked scan done, or get felt-up by someone who couldn’t get a real job. Men are getting groped by men, women are getting groped by women.
And that’s the problem. Not enough choices.
The TSA needs to offer a choice. Let each person who opts for a grope-down get to choose the groper:
- Straight man
- Straight woman
- Gay man
- Gay woman
- Bisexual man
- Bisexual woman
- Hermaphrodite
- Supermodel
- Chippendales dancer
- Bond girl
- Bondage girl
- Blind girl
- Eddie Long
- Eddie Haskell
- Mr. Ed
- Mr. Green Jeans
- Mr. Mister
- Miss America
Who would it take to grope you so that you wouldn’t mind it?
My husband? See, he can feel me up and then show everybody I’ve got nothing in my pockets. That’d be okay.
Girls from 80’s movies with big hair and miniskirts.
Since the lefties love them so much, I think all naked scans should be emailed to Dick Cheney
I dont feel for you all on the right at all. Us libertarians said this would happen when Bush was creating the DHS and expanding the TSA’s powers. So did the left, but you can spot the unprincipled shills because they have Amnesia like Ms Allred.
Consider the molesting your medicine and remember that lesson next time you want to expand unassailable government agencies in the name of “safety.” How safe do you feel now? Feel like idiots for acting like us libertarians were against “safety.”
Taylor Swift….
she can touch my junk….
as a matter of fact, I’d make sure to be carrying some extra metal wires, maybe a few more coins than usual just to make sure.
WD40, 8 ton hydraulic jack, jaws of life and a cyanide pill : Things needed for pat down of Rosie O’Donnell.
But John Edwards could be good at this, not enough upper body strength to jostle the junk.
Sorry I’d like to enter into the “fun” but I’m too old and tired to enjoy being felt up. It’s just another irritation. Of course I’ve never considered what happens between people who love each other that way so, to me the comparison is like apples to the Sun. Being “felt up” is for teenagers who’s attraction span is roughly two days (no offense meant) and that’s so long ago for me, fire wasn’t even created.
Still, not going to fly anytime soon. No one puts their hands on me without my permission and I could be dead 3 years before I’d give those people permission – just on principle.
For the record, I also would rather have Nancy Pelosi and Ellen Degeneres pat me down every day of the week than have to listen to a libertarian talk. As I’ve said before libertarians are like the toddler sitting in their high chair angrily banging their sippy cup against the table trying to get the 2 big boys’ attention
One of those new hottie Republicans like Nikki Haley would be good.
While the two boys see if eggs can fly, they come from birds after all or stick whole potatoes down the disposal and or put the cat into the dishwasher.
Yeah banging that sippy cup’s real annoying. Not terribly destructive but real annoying. (The analogy is cute but for those of us who have survived the Mommy Track (30 years and counting, there’s alway a better one)
This actually works out pretty well for me. It gives me a plausible excuse, based on the constitution, for not visiting my in-laws in Florida.
I agree with the governor of Texas, put the TSA in charge of securing our borders. We don’t inconvenience people crossing our boarders anywhere close to the degree we inconvenience our own people in our own airports. If the illegal’s and the dope smugglers had to go through what Americans go through just to board a plane…they’d stop coming here.
@Political Dan
I am sure people with the same political principles regardless of party involved are very confusing to you.
Feel free to compare any of the discussions and headlines at Reason with the ones at Fox News.
http://reason.com/
If you really want an idea of how to handle building a fence or to do airport security look at Israel.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/opinion/opedcolumnists/forget_the_porn_machines_NQAJ5DOzf187gdRQnLURlO
Or these useless libertarians here who are so unreasonable and have no plans of their own.
http://reason.com/blog/2010/07/07/reasontv-katrinas-silver-linin
If they give me a cold beer (good beer, that is – Sierra Nevada would be nice), I’m fine with it. I’ll do almost anything for a good cold beer.
Sgt Relic, I know exactly what you mean. I had considerable hardware in my ankle for the eighteen months preceding last April, and it made a very good excuse for not visiting my mother or brothers.
LOL @ seanmahair’s 2 boys trying to see if eggs can fly. Sounds like something my boys would do.
As a married woman I’d rather be felt up by my husband, but not in public. If that’s not an option, then as a straight woman, I’m going to have to go with Fred Thompson. Yeah he’s old… old and experienced. There’s a reason women were chasing him while he was single.
A tarantula. Or a snake. Something else with no soul, just like many government workers.
Sarah Palin. I’d go commando, and then when Sarah was finished she would be In Love big time! Her marriage would be in ruins as she stalked me daily…and…well you know it’s tough out here for those of us that are “blessed” with the junk-o-magnus! I’d hate to ruin her relationship and screw up her chances for POTUS so I guess I better go with Miss America who will then demand a seat next to mine for further junk exploration… My wife might object to all of this and do some face punchin!
Jimmy couldn’t post right away but wanted me to let you know that he’s always had a thing for Eddie Haskell and would be a most enjoyable experience for him. He would demand a closed door private screening, however…
My husband. End of story. I’m a pretty easy-going gal, but nobody is massaging my boobies but him.
Hey, ussjc, too bad Iowa’s coaching staff doesn’t have the junk-o-magnus like you.
Being a member of the US Army means I’m automatically selected for additional screening. I guess that’s because Napoleon-o believes me to be a threat to national security, along with tea-party members and gun owners (so I’m a triple threat!). It’s sort of ironic that I get all the extra scrutiny from TSA at the same time people are shaking my hand and applauding me as I walk through an airport in uniform. I guess everyone wants to touch a rockstar’s junk. As far as who I’d rather have handling my package –
* The Fantanas(uh-huh)
* Megyn Kelly
* Anyone in a Burka
* Not UPS
I also agree that the TSA should be deployed to the borders.
@coldguy
A triple threat to their statist Utopia means you are probably on the right side.
All I can say to anyone in the military is I have done as much as I know how to stop them. This faction of the left that keeps finding more votes in the trunks of cars, steals elections by having felons voting (Norm Coleman), blocks any effort to even ID check at voting booths, and this while using all types of subversion and tricky to prevent overseas active duty military ballots being counted. I dont see how their behavior doesn’t count as treason or at least as enemies of the people. Or at least just gigantic D-Bags that should be shipped to Cuba.
Frank you forgot to include “serial hermaphrodites” in your list.
How ’bout we put everybody on the honor list, kinda the same way they do with the usual questions, “Did anyone give you anything to take aboard? Did you leave your baggage unattended? Who beat the Orioles in the ’69 world series?…”
Anyway, everyone would go through the line and say that they checked themselves before getting in line.
Yeah, TSA is really going about this the wrong way. They have (surly) guys feeling up other guys and (ugly, surly, cranky) women feeling up other women. Of course people are going to object.
Now if they had hot chicks asking guys to take off their clothes or to feel their junk, I think there’d be a lot less complaining. It would be easy to spot the terrorists because they’d be the only guys not asking to be strip searched.
Marko, Iowa has had a strategic plan all year to somehow get near Boise State so that they could meet on the Grid Iron during a bowl game. It was going to be epic pain! The announcers would have been reduced to tears and “Oh The Humanity” as Boise St. after Boise St. player were rolled out of the stadium on stretchers and ambulances! I personally wanted to see Adrian Clayburn grab a Boise St. player by the helmet and pop it like a pimple!
Unfortunately, Iowa must contend with Big Boy teams each year and Boise State plays Phoenix On-Line University and Northern Iowa Community College so we will have to wait for next year. But that’s ok…it just makes my Hawks madder and meaner!
If I want someone to grope me, I’ll pay them to…err, I mean, umm, find them in a bar and get them drunk enough to…umm, wait, let me start over. If I want someone to grope me, I’ll date them for a proper amount of time before marrying them.
One of those cute Japanese female robots. Robots fix everything.
@Basil: Sorry, I meant Basil and not Frank.
Adam Savage’s run-in with the TSA
No, Savage can’t grope me. Kari Byron certainly could. Failing that, I’d settle for Allyson Hannigan, wearing a plaid skirt and knee-high leather boots…
Sorry, what was the question?
I was going to say a blind bisexual supermodel (or two) but my wife may read this, so I’ll say my wife! 🙂
Sarah Palin. Or Bristol Palin. Or both. Mmmm…
Uh, excuse me fellas, I’ve got to go take care of something… should only be a few minutes.
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