Train Wreck Post: Submissions

Let’s see. Frank and SarahK and Buttercup are spending the next several days in an undisclosed location.

Harvey has a real job. And has some vacation going on, too.

I’m working (or at least, drawing a paycheck for showing up).

SpaceMonkey is spending the time he has playing dad.

Laurence Simon only shows up for certain things. Still working on that biography of Tim Russert, I suppose.

There’s Mister Right who … okay, I don’t know what the hell he does.

Okay, who else has posted here in the last year or so? I can’t think of anyone else.

So, what’s an IMAO reader to do?

Okay, quiet down. Let me see what I can do.

Tell you what. Submit some ideas for a post. From the most popular ideas, I’ll write something. Tonight. When I get off work. Seriously.

It’ll either be awesome, or it’ll suck big time.

I’m thinking this will be the Mother Of All Train Wrecks.

69 Comments

  1. I think we need more conservative television shows and ideas. Whining about the media is worse the usless. Taking over some parts of it much better.

    Titles for conservative television shows

    *American hippie puncher
    *Would you like extra fries with that?
    *Chainsaw Gaia
    *Men dont do that
    *Women should do that
    *My wife could beat your leftist ass
    *kick a traitor in the gnads
    *No collar TV
    *No sleeves TV
    *Free boatride to Cuba
    *Bomb a country that wronged you plus another of your choosing
    *Jihad Berkley (ship a million muslims to Berkley)
    *Crusade San Francisco (ship a million muslims to SF)
    *text messaging Canada that we are at war and they lost now send us all their hot chicks
    *You call that a gun?
    *Steak and Bacon
    *Bacon and Steak
    *Is my truck loud enough?
    *Hippie grease your Chassis
    *Search a TSA agent
    *fire a government employee

    I think I have made clear that there is a lot of conservatives who are anxious for some programming targeted (yep) at them.

  2. Train Wreck Post Submission-Alpha
    NPRs own assessment that they are fair & balanced, and that taxpayers should continue to subsidize them. http://www.npr.org/internedition/sum09/blog/?p=1451; note comment @ Jul 28, 2009 @ 7:38 pm by the author laughing at her own article.

    Train Wreck Post Submission-Beta
    Hollywood’s continued efforts supporting the progressive agenda, to wit:
    Global warming and war on terror, ergo movie with blue natives vs evil corporate military;
    Democrat vampires in DC, ergo movie about sparkly vampires=good;
    Obama zombies in hoardes, ergo Walking Dead series;

    Train Wreck Post Submission-Gama
    Kevin Dujan went from devoted Democrat to one of the most ardent conservative blogosphere voices.

    Train Wreck Post Submission Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!
    Proof that caucasians are twice as smart as African-Americans:
    Every election only ~50% whites vote Dem; a steady 90% blacks always vote Dem.
    Ergo Quod Demonstrandum, which roughly translated means “I told you so”.

  3. How much it sucks that there is nothing to write about

    How much that guy in the white house sucks

    Why we should launch messy cans at north korea

    Tree huggin for dummies

    Bear huggin for leftists

    New designs for tsa probes.

  4. We need an exposee of something. I don’t know what, just expose something, rip the lid off a cover-up, that sort of thing. I’m sure there’s all kinds of juicy conspiracies. If you can’t find a real one, make one up. Here’s some suggestions:

    – Michelle Obama’s salad bar obsession is really a cover for her 10 McRibb sandwitch a day habit.
    – Frank, Sarah K and Buttercup are really top notch secret agents and are on a secret mission.
    – Where are they on a secret mission? That’s for you to make up, sheesh, I can’t do everything!
    – Obama is really Ronald McDonald in disguise, explaining how Michelle can afford a 10 McRibb sandwitch a day habit.
    – Fun fact about Holland, the natives there are called “Dutch”, not “Hollanders”, or “Hollandese”. How weird is that?

  5. – Another fun fact about Holland, it’s also called “The Netherlands”, but they still call themselves “Dutch”, not “Nehterlanders” or “Netherlandese.” I would understand if if the country was called “Dutchland”, but it isn’t. The country has 2 names and none have anything to do with “Dutch!” There’s a scandal in there somewhere, I’m sure.

  6. * Facts about cornbread.
    * Cornbread recipes.
    * Tips on making johnny cakes.
    * Low fat cornbread!
    * Fatty cornbread! With lard and bacon!
    * Cornmeal: where it came from, where’s it going, and why we support it.

  7. I like Proud Infidel’s idea for an expose…maybe something along the lines of “Its all Obama’s fault North Korea got stupid today”…or “Its all Bush’s fault Prince William didn’t get married sooner”…cornbread also sounds good

  8. – Cornbread, it’s not just for breakfas anymore!
    – Cornbread, it’s what’s for dinner!
    – Another fun fact about Holland, the Hollandesse have no idea what cornbread is, or how yummy it tastes. Which explains a lot, in my opinion.
    – North Korea fun fact, they’d kill themselves for some cornbread. Then agains, they’ll kill anybody for some cornbread.
    – Dancing With The Cornbread, now there’s a great show idea.
    – Did you know the D.C. after Washington, D.C. stands for Dancing Cornbread?

  9. @shiggz re:conservative tv ideas, I haz a few
    * Are You Smarter Than A Fifth-Grader: Democrat Voter Edition. (registered Democrats must win in order to vote)
    * Progressive Suvivor: Antarctica (no prize, we just dump progressives in Antarctica and watch them whine over webcams)
    * One and A Half Men (Its Fred Thompson(he’s 1.5 men) beating the crap out of every liberal)
    * Judge Arpayo
    * The Greatest Race: To repeal Obamacare
    * Leftists Dangling over Volcanoes

  10. I’ve got no good ideas, and normally that doesn’t stop me, but I do have a suggestion that may be important for your first trip with Buttercup.

    From time to time, yell out, “Kids! Keep it down back there! Don’t make me stop the car!” It helps if you wave your arm around aimlessly at at her. This will help when she gets older.

  11. Totally off topic: Deer season opened here yesterday. My neighbor bagged his deer as usual during the morning hours. He’s about 92 and said he’s now bagged as many big game animals as his age. He is one of my heroes. He served as an armorer in Third Army during WWII and once met Patton. His unit had been making modifications to improve the sights on bazookas, and he was called on to demonstrate the mods to Patton. I have the picture and prize it.

    Meeting movie and rock stars isn’t a big deal. My neighbor is the real deal. My family has lived across the street from him for almost 40 years, but he had never told any of us about this until he and I got on the topic of WWII about 4 years back. He has amazing stories about the relief of Bastogne. There is too much, but let me sum up: the Belgians are good folks.

    Come to think of it, veterans, guns, game, bazookas and Patton are always on topic.

  12. I say you talk about college football and try to predict the ammount of crying coming from SEC fans after Auburn loses to Alabama but beats South Carolina for the SEC championship and then is left out of the BCS title game.

    Alternatively, predict how much invective will be heaped upon the BCS by everyone other than SEC fans when Auburn loses to Alabama but still gets to play in the BCS title game, while Boise State and TCU play each other again in the Rose Bowl.

    (For the record, while I’m hoping for the first situation, I’m predicting Bama beats Auburn, Aubrun still plays Oregon for BCS title, but Boise St plays Big Ten champ in Rose Bowl.)

  13. Ernie Loco, after watching the Badgers dismantle Michigan’s defense, I found a copy of Wisconsin’s stunningly effective plan for beating their challenger in the Rose Bowl.

    Step 1. Run the ball up the middle.
    Step 2. Run the ball up the right side.
    Step 3. Run the ball up the left side.
    Step 4. ???
    Step 5. Profit!

  14. “Infidel, the D.C. after Washington actually stands for “Disses Cornbread”. Barbarians!”

    I didn’t know that! So they hate cornbread in Washington, eh? Things are all of sudden clearer to me now. Demand Cornbread!

  15. “Come to think of it, veterans, guns, game, bazookas and Patton are always on topic.”

    Yep, IMAO and veterans, guns, game, bazzokas, Patton, dinosaurs with rocket launchers, lunar nuclear explosions and robots with lasers go together like cornbread and a nice spread.

  16. Basil, has this thread finally hit trainwreck status yet? It’s time to wake up and smell the cornbread man!

    “Barak Obama, Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber: Are the American people really insane or just the American media?”

    Well none of them has any talent to speak of, other than taking up space and using up our air. Oh, and getting the BDM (Brain Dead Media) to mention them regularly. Do I get a prize for figuring out what they have in common? Make mine freshly made cornbread!

  17. My wife makes great cornbread. Yummy.

    One of my ancestors was Dutch and the first mayor of New Amseterdam, which became New York. Liberals, give me my city back.

    Following the idea of TV for us:

    *Sarah Palin’s Big Game Dinosaur Hunting
    *Dick Cheney’s 24- a reality show set in Congress. How many traitorous liberals can Dick hunt down, torture, and kill.
    *Survivor in Detroit, starring the entire cast from msnbc. A comedy.

  18. *Obama and Biden show up in Kokomo, IN to tout how well his stimulus has worked for Chrysler–at the Chrysler plant.
    *Chrysler employees are told to stay home drawing a half-day of pay.
    STIMULUS!

  19. Here’s another one for you to attempt to tackle, Basil.

    Other countries like Georgia (the one by Russia, not the one where CNN lives) or South Korea are attacked and the US has no response.
    Iran builds nuclear weapons facilities and a US preemptive strike is off the table.
    Obama has even said that the US could “absorb” a nuclear attack and that he wouldn’t necessarily respond.
    So, the question becomes: what exactly would have to happen in order for Barry Soetoro to commit to a military response?

  20. I hear Lady Caca won some awards at the American Music Awards show. Among them:
    – Best Female Artist that sounds like a really, really bad imitation of Eurithmics.
    – Best Artist at making sure that her “music” makes John Tesh sound awesome by comparison.
    – Best Video using cornbread.
    – Best Outfit made of cornbread. No, wait, it was meat!

  21. @Proud Infidel,

    In 1981, Americans had just elected Ronald Reagan president, and some of the top-selling albums of the year were by the Rolling Stones, Rush, Van Halen and Journey.

    In 2010, Americans have elected Barak Hussein Obama president, and some of the top-selling albums of the year are by Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Lil Wayne (is he out of prison yet?) and Eminem?

    Umm…wow.

  22. @proud Infadel: Meat is just cornbread in its 2nd stage.

    @shiggz Your’re brilliant man, here are some more Conservative TV ideas.

    Skeet shooting with Cheney.

    Laughing at the stars.

    Wheel of Reagan

    Hollywood stars work a real job.

    Congressional hot seat: Your vote =Volts

  23. Son of Bob,

    My God, except for the Rolling Stones, all those others sucked too! Music has been bad for a long time then. Damn!

    Hey Marko, pass me that puke bucket when you’re done! On second thought, I better get my own bucket…

  24. Proud and Marko, you are both on drugs. Are you kidding me?! Van Halen and Jorney both rocked. Really listen to Steve Perry’s voice and then listen to Jagger. Jagger sounds like nails on a chalk board.

    Ask the hollandaise, Steve Perry’s voice was fantastic.
    I think you should both sacrifice a chicken to the Clapton guitar god for the blasphemy.

  25. Great Idea, let’s start a movement where everyone who flies wears a Snuggie to check in, opt out of the scanner, & have the TSA agent have to work around the Snuggie! You’d want to wear enough underwear to not flash the bits if you get a goon who pulls up the Snuggie… They can also take cornbread onto the plane, through the security check.

  26. Innominatus, did you see the thread about atheism a week or so ago? The godless heathens took that one over quickly. I believe it reached near to 100 comments, but I did not check. One atheist used many big words to call me stupid. He hurt my feelings. 🙁

  27. Taxpayer money for 911 Mosque
    Nanny Pelosi flying commercial
    How we fatties and smellies are offending the poor schmucks at TSA
    Taliban negotiator pwned NATO
    Castor calls Obama a snake charmer (I’d would have and actually have said snake oil saleman)
    Bush and Mrs Bush say you can’t dislike Bill Clinton, YES I CAN!
    What would the world be like if we’d had Fox news before the Jimma’ Carter debacle (presidency)
    Animal control out to find cats with cigarettes and knives

    All from a traipsing through the Drudge garden. What psychedelic flowers.

  28. Basil,

    Do an Iowahawk-style article written from the point of view of a America’s newest soldiers: dinosaurs carrying rocket launchers. Or maybe it should be an interview between Keith Olbermann and the dinosaur. Olbermann could ask the dinosaur his views on cornbread and then name FrankJ the worst person in the world.

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  30. North Korea was very, very bad today, Mmm’kay. And uh…firing artillery shells at small defenseless islands is baaad, mmm’kay. Very, very bad, mmm’kay, if you’re not careful we’re gonna kick your ass, mmm’kay…Mr. Mackey, actually doing more than Mr. Obama, Washington DC.

  31. I once made cornbread with a recipe that had,
    I dunno, 10 or 12 ingredients.
    Meh.
    Next time, I used a Martha White brand mix that only needed water added-
    didn’t even have to crack an egg.
    Perfect.

    The lesson for us all here is so obvious, that I won’t belabor it.

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