The Internet on Mars

We can’t even get back to the moon right now, so maybe I’m worrying about this prematurely, but how will the internet work on a Mars colony? Considering current place in orbits, Mars can be anywhere from four to twenty light minutes away from Earth. That means if you’re on Mars and sent a request to see the webpage IMAO, it would take that many minutes for the server it’s on to get the request and that many minutes again to send the data back to you. That means it would take from eight to forty minutes to pull up IMAO — three times slower than normal!

Now, things like twitter and e-mail will work fine — there will just be a big delay and we’ll probably want to mark things so you know if you’re communicating with Mars and can expect a delayed response. And obviously, things like Skype and playing Call of Duty between Mars and Earth just aren’t going to happen. But we’re going to need the web and some quick way around the back and forth communication to bring up a webpage. I guess we’ll need to keep a cache of the web locally on Mars that’s constantly being updated from what’s on Earth, and then people on Mars will make their requests to those servers. The problem will be when info gets altered about something on both Mars and Earth, so we’ll need some good automated merge algorithms.

So, I don’t know when we’re going to start living on Mars, but we really should try to hammer out a solution to the internet problem before we get there. Last thing we want is to all get on Mars and be like, “Wait a second… we don’t have internet!” I’m just sketching out a few ideas on the problems we’ll have, but I can work on the solutions more fully as soon as someone in the government sends me millions of dollars (and don’t act like you don’t have millions to throw around pointlessly).

What We’ll Need to Win the Future

Since the State of the Union, President Obama has been talking a lot about “winning the future.” Of course, winning the future takes more than empty statements, and IMAO has been advocating measures needed to win the future for some time. Now, winning the future won’t be easy, but it’s pretty obvious what some of the things we’ll need to have a fighting chance. Here’s some of what we’ll need:

THINGS NEEDED TO WIN THE FUTURE

* Dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them.

* A flux capacitor.

* Plasma rifles.

* A thunderdome.

* Terminator reprogramming kit.

* A jaunty black vest.

* A cheap food source made from soy and lentils.

* Zombie preparedness kit.

* Tests to tell if people are human.

* Space lasers.

* Things that are half something/half something else but all cop.

* Red shirts.

* New swears like “frack” and “frell”.

* Giant robots.

* Tests to tell if the world around us is real.

* Scooty Puff Sr.

* Nukes capable of reaching the moon.

Did I miss anything?

Random Thoughts

Didn’t we spend a trillion on stimulus? How do you spend a trillion and not even make a couple jobs?

That sounds like a challenge. “Spend a trillion dollars but don’t create any jobs.” I couldn’t do it. Only Obama figured out that puzzle.

So what’s it with liberals and their supporting sex slavery and wanting to lynch black people?

New Obama plan to reduce unemployment: Murder anyone seeking a job!

Is this win the future rhetoric conceding we lost the present?

Ever notice how inefficient Roman numerals are at expressing large numbers? Everyone should really start using the newer numbering system.

So, technically, who won the future: the Eloi or the Morlocks?

“Obama is not a natural born citizen! From his mother’s womb he was untimely ripped!”

Never got why liberals are so upset that Palin resigned as governor. If Obama resigned, I’d love him forever.

Got my pay this week in an actual physical check. I guess this is what working in the 20th century must have been like.

Just realized I have no idea how a file system works at a low level and haven’t even thought about it. Makes me feel like a silly silly person.

We’re having record winters and its also supposed to be hottest year ever. That means if we fight global warming IT WILL GET EVEN COLDER!

I bet when we get to the future there will be a big sign saying, “Sorry, but you did not win. Please try again.”

Obama: “We must work on our Sputnik moment until the future cries, ‘You sunk my battleship!’ Then we’ve won.”

Winning the future is not easy. It involves a lot of time travel and reprogramming terminators.

“It’s your kids, Marty; something has got to be done about your kids. They’re not winning the future.”

When Jim had to strand Michael in The Office, why didn’t he just ask the cameraman to tell him what happened?

Missed the first half of the Super Bowl, but I tuned in just in time for the Black Eyed Peas!

So the Black Eyed Peas are basically the Dane Cook of music.

So when exactly did “pop” become this electronica/rap hybrid?

Why is everyone focused on a football player being an accused rapist? Didn’t we have a president who was one? Wasn’t a big deal.

So HuffPo is 315 million times more valuable than Newsweek? Still doesn’t say much.