The left has been going on and on about the Koch brothers recently. It ends up the public hasn’t rejected left-wing ideas because they suck and are awful, it’s just because of the Koch brothers. In fact, everyone would love liberalism if it weren’t for the Koch brothers and their money.

So who are the Koch brothers? They are these really rich brothers who are responsible for all conservatism — at least since a couple weeks ago which is when liberals suddenly all started complaining about them. Anyway, there basically wouldn’t be anything right-wing if it weren’t for their funding. Like in the last election, everyone who voted Republican got $5000. And check your pocket; you’ll find twenty bucks. That’s what the Koch brothers paid you to read this right-wing site. Ask yourself: Would you actually read this site if you weren’t paid to? Of course not. You’re not even really a conservative; it’s just that’s what you have to pretend to be to get Koch brother money.

Like, I wouldn’t even be blogging about politics if it weren’t for Koch brother money. I’d rather blog about comic books. But I get thousands of dollars from the Kochs every time I make fun of Obama.

BTW, Obama’s got crazy ears! **ka ching!**

So, anyway, the Koch brothers are the only reason conservatives are around. So that’s why liberals are constantly going on about them even though no one else cares. If they can just stop that flow of money, conservatism will dry up and people will stop thinking liberals smell funny and are weird — because we won’t get the $80 for thinking that anymore.

I’m going to go look at my guns and pretend I like freedom. I get $500 for that.

Obama hasn’t really been doing much about all the goings ons in the Middle East, which is probably for the best. Don’t really need him screwing that stuff up. Still, it makes him seem a bit impotent and useless. Just look at the transcript from his statement about Libya yesterday:

“As you may know, there is much going on in Libya. And I want you to know that I, President Obama, am also aware that things are happening there as well.

“There is bloodshed in Libya, and I am against bloodshed. Let’s not focus to much on who is responsible for the bloodshed, but just know that if you want to be my friend, bloodshed is not the way to go. So to those suffering from violence know this: I am against this violence you are suffering.

“As for what we’ll do, know we are considering the full range of option. First we considered Option A. Then we considered Option B. Then we considered Option D. Then someone said, ‘Hey! You forgot Option C.’ So we went back and considered Option C, because we want to consider the full range of option, not skipping any of them. If it is an option, know that it is getting considered. If it is not an option, it may still be considered though that’s more like a daydream in that case. Like the option of riding to the rescue on flying magical ponies; that’s not actually an option even though we drew lots of pictures of it. Doing nothing is an option, but we don’t have to consider that since it’s what we’re already doing.

“So while we are considering all the options — which will take a while because there is a lot — we will continue to monitor the situation in Libya. Let me be clear: I am not talking about the placing the Situation from Jersey Shore in Libya and then watching his antics — even though that might be quite entertaining. And it was one of the options we considered. Still, what I am talking about is as stuff happens in Libya, we will watch that stuff happen. And it will inform the options we consider. So as hard as things may get in Libya, I want the people of Libya to know: What’s happening you is being seen by us and affecting the options we consider. And if you see someone who looks like the Situation, it’s probably not really him.

“My teleprompter had gone blank, so I’m just going to stare into the cameras meaningfully for a few moments.”