It still looks like no one is willing to make the cuts we need in the federal budget for fear of reprisal, so I’ll keep trying to come up with a new solution by thinking outside the box. Here’s my latest idea: We invent a supervillian to cut the budget for us.

“Oh no! The Crazed Balancer has taken over the Capitol and is slashing the budget! We need to stop him!”

And we’ll shine the bat signal in the air, but only Aquaman shows up, so we’ll be like, “Oh, guess there’s no stopping him. We’ll just have to live with his cuts — including those to entitlements. Curse you, Crazed Balancer! You won’t get away with these harsh cuts! We’ll hunt him down across the globe and… Oh wait; that’s not in the budget.”

And then the budget is cut and everyone will just be mad at the supervillian. Just hopefully from his size no one figures out he’s Chris Christie.

Wisconsin police have sent the police to hunt down the escaped Democrats. I think they may have even hired bounty hunters to track them down (“No disintegrations — that would prevent quorum.”).

We should all help in our own way by keep a looking out for escaped Democrats. They could be hiding anywhere around you, but here are some signs to look for:

1. Whininess
2. Completely unearned sense of entitlement
3. Desire to spend other people’s money
4. Inability to make numbers add up

If you think you see an escaped Democrat, don’t make any sudden movements. If frightened, Democrats will immediately spend billions of dollars we don’t have. Instead, smile to the Democrat very politely as you slowly pull out some bear mace and spray him in the face. Then bind his hands and feet with duct tape so he won’t get away. Then spray him with some more bear mace. Then check his wallet for your money. And then go ahead and empty that can of bear mace on him.

BTW, you’ll need to purchase some bear mace.

Afterwards, you can then call Wisconsin and tell them to come get their Democrat. And after they get quorum, hopefully Wisconsin will be smart enough to send their Democrats out of state again and make sure they never come back this time.