The left has been going on and on about the Koch brothers recently. It ends up the public hasn’t rejected left-wing ideas because they suck and are awful, it’s just because of the Koch brothers. In fact, everyone would love liberalism if it weren’t for the Koch brothers and their money.
So who are the Koch brothers? They are these really rich brothers who are responsible for all conservatism — at least since a couple weeks ago which is when liberals suddenly all started complaining about them. Anyway, there basically wouldn’t be anything right-wing if it weren’t for their funding. Like in the last election, everyone who voted Republican got $5000. And check your pocket; you’ll find twenty bucks. That’s what the Koch brothers paid you to read this right-wing site. Ask yourself: Would you actually read this site if you weren’t paid to? Of course not. You’re not even really a conservative; it’s just that’s what you have to pretend to be to get Koch brother money.
Like, I wouldn’t even be blogging about politics if it weren’t for Koch brother money. I’d rather blog about comic books. But I get thousands of dollars from the Kochs every time I make fun of Obama.
BTW, Obama’s got crazy ears! **ka ching!**
So, anyway, the Koch brothers are the only reason conservatives are around. So that’s why liberals are constantly going on about them even though no one else cares. If they can just stop that flow of money, conservatism will dry up and people will stop thinking liberals smell funny and are weird — because we won’t get the $80 for thinking that anymore.
I’m going to go look at my guns and pretend I like freedom. I get $500 for that.
I believe the Koch brothers were in that movie with Eddie Murphy: Trading Places.
So let me see if I have this correct:
Soros pumping billions into Liberal/Progressive causes = good.
Koch Brothers pumping millions into Conservative causes = bad.
Got it.
it’d be nice to read a non-satirical article on the Koch bros so I can decide who they really are.
From what I can tell, the Kochs fill the void for the left as being the billionare bogeymen, kind of how Soros is for us (though last time I checked, neither Koch brother has toppled various currencies or banned from several countries because of it). It’s just a rehash of the “vast right-wing conspiracy” drivel since blaming BOOOOOOSH doesn’t really work anymore.
I think those are the guys who made Fargo.
How is their name pronounced? Is it a hard or soft C at the end? I’ve never heard of these guys until the prank call to the Gov of Wisconsin the other day.
I get fifty bucks whenever I sniff a bottle of Hoppe’s solvent! And I get another fifty if I sniff the solvent while watching a Charlton Heston scene!
“How much service have you seen, forty-one?”
“A month plus a day.”
“You keep an exact account. And before?”
“Three years….in other ships.
What happened to Richard Mellon Scaife? I thought he was the evil billionaire bankrolling the Right Wing.
How can I get on the payroll for Scaife and the Kochs at the same time? Can I get two paychecks to pretend I love freedom?
You only get $20 to read IMAO? Hmm… anyway…
I thought the Koch brothers were self-described Libertarians?
Keep reading long enough, I’m sure we’ll find out they’re the Jewish 2nd Cousin twice removed of Hitler and the bastard sons of Booosh
Wtf? I’ve been doin it rong. I never heard of these Koch brothers before 3 minutes ago, and I’ve been being conservative for free all these years. How do I start collecting my conservative cash?
Well, after they declared that the happiest time of their lives was when they spent time assisting in throwing Jews out of their homes during WWII, what do you expect? …oh wait, that wasn’t the Koch Brothers, that was George Soros, the bankroller of the left, never mind…nothing to see here…move along.
So, is there a rate card or something for doing all these conservative type things? I’m kinda busy doing normal, just-your-average-joe stuff, and only want to pretend to be conservative for no less than fifty bucks. (I guess I’ll just buy some carbon credits with the money though, so it’s all good.) Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and lament our patriarchal society or something.
Of course some billionaires are financing the right wing. It couldn’t be that the left wing has horribly bad ideas or anything…
You guys are getting 50$ im only getting $40? Well if this keeps up im switching over to the Soros peso.
shiggz,
From each according to the Party’s needs, to each according to his shilling abilities.
@Son ‘o Bob #11: Which I find humorous whenever Soros compares someone to Nazis. I mean, is he reminiscing about better days, or is he perhaps jealous?
The Koch brothers: at least we never rounded up Jews for the Nazis.
“In fact, everyone would love liberalism if it weren’t for the Koch brothers and their money.”
I wish the @#$%&*! libs would make up their mind. First they blame Rush Limbaugh, then it’s Fox News, then it’s Sarah Palin, now it’s the Koch Brothers. WTF? Of course, since most of us never heard of the Koch brothers until libs started bellyaching about them, it’s hard to believe them. Then again, every time they open their mouths it’s hard to believe them.
Bless their hearts.
Yet again they think we do this because its what they have been doing for years. Like Tim Gill of the Gill Foundation.
Of all the Soros etc.. (hey its there money) the funding of left wing protestors and activist groups that makes me angry is the ones funded by American taxpayers. NPR PBS EPA etc.. etc.. etc..
First they blame Rush Limbaugh, then it’s Fox News, then it’s Sarah Palin, now it’s the Koch Brothers.
It was definitely Sarah Palin for me. Or maybe it was Condi Rice. Or Laura Ingraham. One of those hot chicks, of whom there is a definitely dearth among The People Who Know What’s Best For Me.
“definite dearth”, not “definitely dearth”. I think that I got caught between saying “is definitely a dearth” and “is a definite dearth”.
I checked my pockets. All I found was lint and fortune cookie lotto numbers. And all this time I was pretty sure I was one of those bible reading, gun clinging right-wingers. Where did I go wrong?
So how come I haven’t gotten a dime from all my brilliant conservative commentary on this site? Perhaps the Kroch brothers have my address wrong?
I demand BACON in payment for commenting!
Liberals seem to pick and choose the rich people they hate much like the dictators they hate, why is that?
Boy am I missing out.
I’m still conservative because Karl Rove told me to me that way.
Could someone give them my email? I’m fully open to bribery.
And if I can serve both Lord Rove and the Kochs, well, that’s like selling my soul and keeping it too!
One question, which brother was mayor of NY?
Chief Bastid of BOBEB,
I believe what you meant to say is: BACON!™ There’s a difference.
Frank, I forgot to ask when I start to get my payola for reading this site. Never mind. I know you never read your comments. Harvey, When do I start to see my payola for reading this site?
Fiar, I humbly bequeath my Chief Bastidness to you. Alas, I have no BACON!™
No, I’m a good man. I’m just a very bad Chief Bastid.
I’m. So. Jealous.
I’ve blogged about doing hit pieces for the Koch brothers AND Don Blankenship AND ExxonMobile–Twice–and what do I get? Russians trawling for pr@n.
They’ve got oil, sure, but do they leave me even a single Ruble on the nightstand? Nyet. They just steal the hot babe pics and leave. This blogwhoring isn’t like the old days…not that I would know about that.
Teh Chief Bastid title can onlee b bitched, sorry, I mean pitched uhround by da founder of BOBEB – me. But I’m ba5iscally drink right now (member the bacon whisky tailked about…? hee?) so Fire RL is now Cheif Bastid1 Passyth the fire water, squaw!
The Koch Brothers? Aren’t they Charlie Sheen’s suppliers?
Then you be the Chief Bastid Head Cheeze: Marko de Chief Bastid of de Cheese. I feel so liberated now.
The Brothers are actually from my neck of the woods. Conservative and wealthy they use their money on causes that appeal to them. Just as the Constitution allows them to do. Go figure. I’ve met a few folks that know them and they maintain these are actually fine people.
That in itself is enough to cause the looney-tooney, hefty-lefties heads to explode so, good job Koch Brothers. Mission accomplished.
So, if I’m getting kickbacks from Halliburton, is there a conflict of interest to collect moola and BACON!™ from the Koch brothers, am I allowed to double dip like that?
ussjimmycarter says:
February 24th, 2011 at 4:57 pm
“So how come I haven’t gotten a dime from all my brilliant conservative commentary on this site? Perhaps the Kroch brothers have my address wrong?”
Yeah! I’ve been pimping for the Universal Galactic International Transnational Zionist Conspiracy for years and not a dime. They either have my address wrong or maybe they were just so busy with all kinds of great plots they forgot. I know, I’ll send them a reminder with my right address just to be sure. Yeah, that’s it.
In the future everyone will be Hitler for fifteen minutes.
Come on, you can’t expect us to want to be free for free, you know.
If the Koch brothers don’t pitch in their buck o’ five, who will?
Freaking Heck!!! I’ve been Conservative since Reagan started to Fluoridate the water and Jets started leaving Chemtrails all over the Midwest where I was born. I could have been making money all this time. Bollocks!
Hey! I read all this, looked in my wallet-where is my $20?
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