Archive of entries posted on 17th March 2011

Important Tip on Portraying Islam as Peaceful

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So the Muslim TV executive who beheaded his wife got 25 years to life for 2nd degree murder. I would think a beheading would automatically bump a murder up to 1st degree, but I’m not a lawyer (I possess a soul).

Anyway, Muzzammil Hassan founded Bridges TV which he hoped would help portray Muslims in a more positive light. Now, America has lots of peaceable, friendly Muslims, and I can see why they’d want some better publicity. That’s why if you’re trying to present a more moderate view of Islam, you really need to suppress that urge to behead your wife. It just plays into the stereotype too much; islamaphobic people are going to seize on incidents like that. So as much as you might think your wife needs to be beheaded as part of an honor killing, you have to just say no. But if you really really need to murder your wife, at least just poison her or something — just do it in some way that doesn’t play to negative Muslim stereotypes. I know that’s not as symbolically satisfying as beheading, but being moderate involves at least incorporating some western ways… like leaving people’s heads on their bodies.

People Want More Government Because They Hate Black People

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According to scientific polling, white people who want less government are less racist than white people who want more government. Basically, the Democrat Party gets most of the black vote and the white racist vote. Might seem like a contradiction, but it’s not that surprising. We all know the extremely patronizing attitude of the white liberals who are the main leadership in the Democrat Party, and that leads itself pretty easily to racism. A big part of wanting less government is thinking all people are equal and can get along without government help, but if you think certain groups of people are inferior, it does follow you’d want more government to watch over people.

Anyway, this is Science!, so we can’t argue with it unless you’re some backwards, science-hating caveman. It just means we need to confront anyone asking for more government on their racist attitudes. If someone proposes a new government program, ask him:

“Why do you hate black people?”
“Why won’t you admit to hating black people?”
“Admit it: You’re thinking of how much you hate black people right now.”
“Where are you going? Is it to some vantage point from which you can better hate black people?”
“Hey! Everyone! Watch out for this guy walking away from me! If you’re black, he’ll hate you!”

If we confront enough Democrats, maybe we can finally get them to give up their racist crutch of more government. And that’s why they’re so slow to cut anything; balancing the budget would be like admitting black people are equal.

Traditional Re-Post: Fun Facts About Ireland (2009)

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When you go out to drink your green beer today, you’ll probably wander into a pub and bump into some smug Irishman who’ll bust your chops for being ignorant of the history & traditions of the land which St. Patrick’s Day was intended to celebrate.

Well, brother, I’ve got your back. Paddy O’Tatertot will dumbstruck by your vast storehouse of knowledge when you regale him with these:

FUN FACTS ABOUT IRELAND

* Bram Stoker was working as a civil servant in Dublin when he wrote “Dracula” in 1897. The main character was based on an old pub lout named Drac O’La who was notorious for sneaking around the room sipping peoples’ beers when they weren’t looking.

* Ballygally Castle in County Antrim, is allegedly one of the most haunted places in the country. Lady Isobel Shaw, whose husband built the castle in 1625, reportedly did not pay off her student loans, and the castle still receives mysterious harrassing phone calls to this day.

* The national sport of Ireland is “hurling”, a similar to field hockey, with much shoving, brawling, and hitting with sticks. It’s been described as “what would happen if last call lasted for an hour”.

* In 2003, a village known as “Dun Bleisce” changed its name back to the indecent-sounding “Fort of the Harlot,” as it was known in the distant past. Some of the residents claim that a more accurate translation is “Fort of the Hilton”.

* It was once popular in Ireland to pin sprigs of shamrocks on your coat on Saint Patrick’s Day in remembrance of his using shamrock leaves to illustrate the idea of the holy trinity. At the end of the day, one would “drown the shamrock” by putting a few shamrocks into a glass and covering them with whiskey. Thus the saying “In Ireland, EVERY day is St. Patrick’s Day!”.

* The national symbol of Ireland is the Celtic harp, not the shamrock. The harp is less popular, though, because it’s hard to find a glass big enough to drown one in.

* Unlike the Scottish bagpipes, the Irish uilleann pipes do not have a pipe going directly to the mouth. However, there IS usually a straw going directly to a pint of Guinness, so sometimes it can be hard to tell.

* An odd Irish birthday tradition is to lift the birthday child upside down and give his head a few gentle bumps on the floor for good luck. The number of bumps should allegedly correspond to the child’s age plus one. For adults, the bumps are replaced with whiskey shots and fistfights.

* The original Guinness Brewery in Dublin has a 9,000 year lease on its property. Legend has it that when the lease expires, God will descend from heaven to punish the wicked of Ireland with eternal sobriety.

* One of the most popular radio shows in rural Ireland is still the weekly broadcast of local obituaries, since people with thundering hangovers keep hoping to hear their names.

* An old legend says that, while Christ will judge all nations on judgment day, St. Patrick will be the judge of the Irish. Denis Leary gets Boston.

* Catherine Kelly, who died in 1785, was allegedly the smallest Irish woman ever. With a total height of just 34 inches and a weight of 8 pounds, she was known as “The Irish Fairy”. At least until Michael Flatley came along.

* According to one rather obscure Irish legend, a ringing in your ears means a deceased friend stuck in Purgatory is ringing a bell to ask for you to pray for him/her. Or that you got drunk and passed out in the church belltower again, Father.

* “Gulliver’s Travels” writer Jonathan Swift is buried in St. Patrick’s Cathedral in Dublin, where his remains are held fast by dozens of tiny ropes.

* Montgomery Street in Dublin was once the largest red light district in all of Europe, with over 1600 prostitutes plying their trade. To help you imagine this, picture the lineup outside an American Idol audition, except with talent.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go “drown the harp”.

[Tip o’ the green plastic derby to Ireland-Fun-Facts.com]

Random Thoughts

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Obama remains cool and collected in a crisis, much like a lamppost.

RIP Nate Dogg, composer of one of my favorite country songs: “My Tractor Is All I Need”. I don’t know who Nate Dogg is.

Nate Dogg sounds like Randy Jackson critiquing someone named Nate. “Nate Dogg, little pitchy.”

I am not satisfied in my level of smugness.

I think many people underestimate how important science is to physics.

Someone want to argue for setting orphans on fire so I can bravely take a stand against you?

Really seems like anyone could do my job if given the same education, years of experience, and intelligence.

The Ghostbusters logo was based on the original Planned Parenthood logo (though that had a baby on it instead of a ghost).

I don’t care if someone calls himself a liberal or a conservative as long as what he says confirms my own prejudices.

There’s a competition idea: Get prominent liberals and conservative and see who can more convincingly argue the other side.

Kind of seems like the doing nothing strategy with Libya is getting the expected result.

iPad by far the best computer to use while rocking a baby to sleep.

At what age do children learn to like things ironically?

Why don’t we meet back here in a month and read a nicely typed report on whether the nuclear plant damage was a huge catastrophe or not?

Making death safer

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Georgia is in trouble with the DEA. The feds have seized Georgia’s supply of thiopental, which is one of the drugs used in the state’s lethal injection procedure.

It all began when customs held up a supply of thiopental in Memphis last summer. Seems some states, including Georgia, went and got some more from another source. Only that source, which the state identified as Link Pharmaceuticals, a British company (which was bought by Archimedes Pharma Limited around 5 years ago), isn’t FDA approved.

Last month, lawyer John Bentivoglio wrote a letter to Eric Holder complaining about how the state got the drug. Bentivoglio wrote Holder on behalf of death row inmate Andrew Grant DeYoung, who killed his parents and teenage sister back in 1993.

Now, the DEA has seized the state’s supply of drugs.

Something similar happened in Arizona last year, and the Supreme Court gave the state the go-ahead to use its supply of drugs. Two days later, Arizona executed the inmate in question.

Anyway, some people are all upset that one of the drugs that Georgia uses to kill people might not be safe.

This is one of those things that, a few years ago, would have been a story in the Onion or some other satiric source.

In Obama America (AKA Bizarro World), it’s business as usual.