Alpha-Proxima Day is Saturday. Don’t forget to turn on every light you have for 24 hours.
If you can’t participate, you can salve your conscience by buying Carbon Debits.
And remember the Alpha Proxima Day motto:
“If it can’t be seen from space, you’re doing it wrong.”
Did you know you can forcefully go into another country, start blowing stuff up, and it’s not a war? Instead, Obama is like “it’s an overseas contingency operation” or “it’s a kinetic military action” or “it’s a time-limited, scope-limited military operation” or “it’s an I Can’t Believe It’s Not a War” or “it’s the military operation that must not be named”.
Are there any people actually that dumb? “I’m anti-war, but this isn’t a war. Yes, it’s the military going into another country to overthrow its government, but it’s called something completely different than a war so it’s not one.” And how influential are these stupid people that Obama needs to pander to them? Can’t he just distract them with something shiny instead of sounding like a complete tool?
Still, if he wants to convince people it’s not a war, he needs to try harder. Here’s some things he could say instead:
“It’s not a war, we just trained some random people to use guns and let him loose in a foreign country. That they wore matching outfits with the American flag on it is not my problem.”
“It’s not a war, it’s just excess bomb disposal.”
“It’s not a war, we just genetically resurrected dinosaurs and shared them with Libya. Not our fault the dinosaurs hate Qdaffy and want to eat him.” NOTE: This one would require genetically resurrecting dinosaurs which I hope the military is already working on.
“It’s not a war, because according to the Big Book of War this operation would needs at least 50% more tanks to meet official warness guidelines.”
“It’s not a war, it’s just… you know… stuff happening… with the military. Why do we always have to put labels on everything, man.”
“It’s not a war, because if it were, where are all the protesters calling me Hitler?”
“It’s not a war, because earlier today Qdaffy told me he’s totally cool with us hitting his country with a bunch of cruise missiles. He thinks those are awesome.”
“It’s not a war, because we’re only kidding.”
“It’s not a war, because I didn’t order it. Must have been some other black guy calling for it, and you just thought it was me because you think we all look the same. You’re all so racist; I hate you so much.”
“It’s not a war, because I don’t actually plan on winning or anything. I just wanted to bomb someone and feel like a big man.”
“It’s not a war, because it’s good for something — getting rid of Qdaffy. We all know from Edwin Starr that true wars are good for absolutely nothing.”
“It’s not a war, because I was born in Kenyan and thus I can’t be president and start wars.”
We’re going to fight this war on the XBox 360 Kinect? Does Qdaffy have that? What’s his Live account?
“You know these Koch brothers you never heard of a week ago? They’re super evil and have to be stopped. And Libya is not a war.”
Did Q*bert set a precedent that eventually led to Ke$ha?
I don’t care what you call it as long as bad people get blowed up. That’s what I pay taxes for.
“We’re not going to get mired in an unwinnable war. What we’re going to get mired in we’ll call something completely different than that.”
“It’s not a war. It’s a contingency… kinetic… scope-limited… Okay; I’m a ginormous tool.”
My parents gave us one minute to use a certain amount of mouthwash. It was a time-limited, Scope-limited operation.
Almost wish I followed college basketball just so I could understand why people hate Duke so much.
Turns out that the president might not be to blame for his latest inability to open a door. Did you see his latest inability to open a door?
Yes, that first one was actually a door, not a window.
As you can see, he’s finally learned how to use a door knob, because he managed to open the second door.
Which means the first of the two doors was locked.
Which means the second of the two doors wasn’t locked.
Somebody didn’t do his job right. Because that somebody left one of the doors unlocked. And now, Obama is back in the White House.
A perfectly good opportunity arose to keep him out, and someone dropped the ball. The country could have been saved by someone simply locking another door. Now, we’re back to going to hell in a handbasket.
