* Obama gave a speech yesterday about we need to eat band aids and rip off peas. I don’t really know as I don’t usually listen to speeches he gives since it involves a lot of him talking and it’s pretty hard imagining him having anything useful to say. I think by now we’ve all learned that he just talks and talks while saying nothing and the only thing memorable are the cliches he uses. “Let me be clear.” “This is a false choice.” “Slurpee!” The guy was elected because supposedly he done speak good, but that part has ended up just as useless as the rest of him.

So anyway, I guess he was blaming everyone else for the mess and not his own failure to lead… especially while he had huge majorities and could have gotten anything he wanted done. Of course, being responsible with America’s money is nothing he ever wanted. He even said in his speech “I’d rather be talking about stuff that everybody welcomes, like new programs…” So he wants to get through this debt talk… so he can spend more. So the whole point of this problem just went “whoosh” right over his little pinhead. He just sees himself as Santa, showering us all with gifts. Gifts we don’t want… bought with our own money. Money we don’t have. If Santa were really like that, people would spend every Christmas Eve carefully watching the fireplace while cradling a shotgun… instead of just the ones where they got a new shotgun as a Christmas Eve gift.

* The House is considering a bill that will stop the ban on incandescent light bulbs. It’s a good thing we have the people in Washington figuring out what light bulbs we should be allowed to use, because they’re such geniuses at everything else. It’s not like I have anything against CFLs — they’re efficient and save you on your electric bill in the long run — they just slowly whither your soul with their unnatural light. Also, I just don’t want to be told which light bulb to buy by people too stupid and useless to even know how to change one. We don’t need term limits for Congress; we just need to hand them a box of light bulbs and say, “We need you to change this one light bulb in this room.” Come back an hour later, and they’ll all be dead with a bunch of broken glass on the ground.

* Is your major complaint that politicians aren’t dumb and loud enough? Good news! Alan Grayson is going to run for office again! Liberals describe him as having guts, and if a liberal describes you as having guts, that’s pretty much a diagnosis of mental illness you can take to the bank. Know who they also thought had guts? Anthony Weiner. I just hope Alan Grayson doesn’t bite anyone.

* A woman in Michigan is facing 93 days in jail for planting a vegetable garden. Yes, this is the home of the brave and the land of the free, but there are common sense restrictions to this concept of “freedom”. It’s not like you can own a nuclear weapon. Or shout “FIRE!” in a crowded theater. Or grow your own vegetables. These seem like small things, but if people are so nonchalant about using government force in small things, really fear them with the big things.

* A diver photographed a fish using tools. People thought fish were too dumb to use tools because they have this sort of blank look to their faces where you just really assume their dumb (like people in Congress), but I guess some can use tools (fish, not Congress). You have this one fish using a rock to smash open a clam and later it fashioned a crude cudgel to use against Aquaman when he got too bossy.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Say what you want, but on President Obama’s watch bin Laden was killed and the Black Eyed Peas went on hiatus.” –TV’s Andy Levy