Urbanski’s Greatest Hits

Doug has been on fire this week. If you need entertaining listening material, just hit up his archives & start downloading. It’s all free, ya know.

If you’d prefer to nibble rather than feast, here’s a couple audio Scooby Snacks:

1) “…Which is more beautiful? The sound of silence that you get when you go to the country or the mountains or the desert… or the sound of cars, the sound of commerce, the sound of millions and millions of human beings interacting with each other through driving…?”

2) “…A professor of nutrition… says dropping meat and cheese one day a week wouldn’t hurt… people don’t need to eat as much meat as they’re eating… My dear friends, once again you are being asked to fall down on your knees and to pray to the false god of man-made climate change…”

And seriously, the gems that have been falling out of this man’s mouth. If you don’t have this page bookmark for your daily pleasure, you are doing yourself a disservice:

1) “Of course Obama hates the idea of a Balanced Budget Amendment. First off, he hates the Constitution. Secondly, he hates the idea of a law telling him how much he can spend or not spend.”

2) “Obama’s press conferences are some of the best campaign commercials Republicans have. The choice before Americans right now is a future where Barack Obama and his pals get very rich while the rest of us get lectured on the need to sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.”

3) “Sheila Jackson Lee claims conservatives are opposing Obama because he’s black. Is that the same reason I’m opposing Reid and Pelosi? Is that the same reason I’m supportive of Allen West and Herman Cain?”

4) “In Barack Obama’s case, I’m not suggesting for a moment that this man has headaches. But he just may be what’s known in medical parlance as a carrier. Meaning he may cause headaches in other people.”

5) “People have said you’re racist if you criticize Obama. You know what? I’m as angry at the half of him that’s white as I am at the other half. Actually, I’m only angry at his liberal side – which is all of him. It has nothing to do with color.”

6) “I have a theory as to why Boehner and Obama are having these private, secret meetings about the debt ceiling. Think about it – John Boehner is the only guy this President knows who smokes. Who else is he going to bum a cigarette off of?”

7) “Obama and his gang are drunk with spending, and it’s just like alcoholism. And like any alcoholic, they surround themselves only with other alcoholics, so they see no other way to exist.”

8) “Bill Clinton is out there encouraging Obama to raise the debt ceiling without Congressional approval under the guise of the 14th Amendment, which is likely not legal. Maybe Clinton doesn’t want to be the only living President who’s been impeached.”

9) “Has anyone told these RINO Senators in the Gang of Six about the 2010 elections? Perhaps someone should contact them and enlighten them about the results.”

10) “Obama’s plan is simple: expand government and choke off the private sector. That’s his whole approach. And when all is said and done here, Obama will still not have learned a single thing. He and his crazy college-professor czars will go back to their ivory towers and wax poetic about all the good they did for the poor and the downtrodden, when in reality, all they did was destroy the economy.”

This guy is like the Mozart of liberal-bashing.

Nuke the News: We’re All in Fringe Cults Now

* If you were afraid these debt ceiling negotiations might come to an end, Obama is open to a very short term deal so they can keep them going on and on and on past the August 2nd deadline. So we’ll get more of Obama demanding higher taxes and refusing meaningful cuts; in fact, maybe that could just be the rest of his presidency. Then, in January 2013, we’ll get a new guy to negotiate with who will cut spending, and Obama will be exiled to Antarctica, as is our custom… or will be.

Do you think Obama is going to keep trying to get on TV after we kick him out of the presidency? That’s an awful thought; I’m glad I got rid of cable. Well, maybe he’ll just stick full-time to golfing… in Antarctica. Watch out for penguins, though; they’re filled with bloodlust.

* Senator Tom Harkin has referred to the people who don’t want to raise the debt ceiling as a “cult fringe”. You know, that cult fringe who don’t think you should just keep spending money you don’t have, a.k.a., people with jobs, a.k.a., a majority of Americans. Are you starting to think there is a disconnect between regular Americans and useless nitwits who spend of billions of dollars of other people’s money with no accountability? Maybe we should all have an ice cream social together to get to know each other better. Or maybe to find out even more, we should have the politicians all waterboarded and interrogated in Gitmo. Because we care.

* Romney is now polling neck and neck with Obama, the only Republican candidate so far to do so. I know we all hate Romney, but he does have this primary strategy where he wears us out and we eventually learn to tolerate him. And now he has this argument that he can win, and he’ll be like, “Well, who do you hate more? Me or Obama?” And we’ll all grudgingly say, “Obama.” And then Romney will say, “So what are your opinions again so I can say that’s what I always believed?” And then we’ll write down our beliefs for Romney so he doesn’t forget them.

Romney 2012: When you’ve given up on greatness and just want something better.

* Five Democrat representatives are calling on Allen West to apologize for what he said about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, calling it “sexist.” That’s stupid. What West said was the opposite of sexist. He said Wasserman-Schultz was not a lady. That means he accepts her the same as his male colleagues. What a progressive.

* The bones of Adolph Hitler’s deputy, Rudolph Hess, were dug up and burned. That’s what we’re reduced to since we don’t have new Nazis to kill; we have to go rekill old ones and to make sure they don’t become zombies. I guess we could kill Commies instead, but even they’re getting hard to find (though Obama did appoint one to his cabinet). I guess we can just stick to killing terrorists, but they’re just never going to be as threatening as Nazis. When is America going to get a good enemy again?

* According to a scientific study, exposure to the American flag makes people lean Republican. Yet another advantage of Republicans being the party that sorta kinda likes this country. I don’t know if there is a symbol that causes people to vote Democrat, though. Maybe they could do a scientific study on people’s voting habits when you casually leave a hammer and sickle lying around.

* The Shuttle Atlantis has returned, so now that’s it: America is done with space. We’ve pretty much explored all of space anyway. Like we went in orbit around earth and… well, I think that was about it. I’ve heard talk that man once went to the moon back in the late sixties, but that sounds like an urban legend. If we can’t get to the moon now with our iPhones and internet, how could they do that way back with sixties technology while having to fend off hippies? Yeah, I just checked Snopes; that was made up.

* CERN has found that cosmic rays are a big factor in cloud formation. They don’t want anyone to talk about this since clouds are a big factor in the planet’s temperature and that would mean something beyond human control is a major contributor to global climate warming change. I don’t know why some people cling so bitterly to man-made climate change; if they really push themselves, they can get out of their rut and come up with some new looming, unprovable disaster to blame on people’s behavior. My suggestions: The activities of man are causing squirrels to become slightly larger over time. It doesn’t seem like much, but as squirrels become larger they’ll eat more, and eventually squirrel largeness will damage our food supply and cause mass starvation. OUT: Man-made climate change. IN: Man-made squirrel enlargement.

* In a new survey, a plurality said that spending cuts in government will increase jobs. And long term they’re right, but basically this is just people showing common sense and knowing that unchecked spending is very very bad. Plus, it’s a complete devastation of the Democrats’ argument. Let’s celebrate by digging up Keynes’s bones and burning them.

* Lots of good answers on what it sounds like a “Wasserman-Schultz” is, but only one can get HIGH PRAISE and it’s DamnCat with:

The orneriest, laziest, stupidest breed of mule there is.

DamnCat, you brighten all our days with your wit.

* This is just funny:

Random Thoughts

So what was Austin Powers’ opinion on whether Debbie Wasserman-Schultz is a lady?