I am not a good person.

Honestly, my favorite thing about listening to Urbanski is hearing him call Obama rude names. Not inaccurate names, mind you, but ones that are not typically bandied about in polite company or in straight news shows.

The kind of below-the-belt ad hominem attacks that you usually only seen on opinion shows. And usually only about Republicans.

I guess part of it is just 8 years of pent-up schadenfreude rooted in reading what the worst of the dirtbag liberal bloggers would say about Bush. Payback’s a bitch, so I’m kinda digging this the way Inigo Montoya dug watching the blood flow from the punctured organs of a particular 6-fingered man.

I suppose, in a way, I should actually look at it as a happy, post-racial, multicultural, content-of-his character, I Have a Dream, kumbaya thing, since Urbanski continually tears into Obama with no more and no less enthusiasm that he eviscerates white idiot liberals. Just with more frequency, since Barack is the fountainhead from which the worst and most liberal idiocy spews.

All of which is my way of saying, he’s some audio clips of Doug Urbanski being a meanie (see also the Doug’s Audio Clips category:

1) “…The tea party has been created by Barack Obama as a reaction to his far-leftist, statist, marxist, communist approach to his worldview of America, and indeed, his worldview…”

2) “…The endgame here is to play hard, play wise, take the long view, take the smart view, and recapture every place in government you can, so that these demons, these statist, socialist, marxist – whatever word you want to use – so that you can correct and unravel and untie these knots they have made…”

[NOTE: I don’t think I’ve ever heard liberals called “demons” before. Sent a thrill up my leg, it did.]

3) “…To all of you out there on the left criticizing the President, all of you out there who consider yourselves the President’s base – who we are now seeing are crumbling – don’t you understand that no one should criticize this President?… Don’t you understand Obama’s perfect?…”

4) “…[Obama] is like those people on the interweb dating sites, because he represents himself one way… as 35, and 6’3′, and a triathlete, then you meet him and he’s 55, he’s 5’3″, and he’s emaciated…”

And here it is in writing. Feel free to put these on your blog. Or t-shirts. Or bumper stickers. Hell, even the occasional bathroom wall. Really, folks – lines like these are just too good not to share with like-minded people. Or to throw at liberals and watch them get all head-spinny (see also the Doug’s Gems category):

1) “Since when is Presidential leadership defined by making America poorer? They will not address deep spending cuts, they will not address runaway spending. Obama is bankrupting the future. This is his strategy for winning the future.”

2) “There’s only one message you need on the right: Obama is a hopeless spending addict. Harry Reid is his pusher. The media are his enablers. That’s the narrative.”

3) “Obama still aims to destroy the economy. He’s not moving to the center as some people opine – although he’s used a lot of words to suggest he is. But you can never listen to this guy’s words – he’s a completely pathological liar at this point. You’ve got to look at what he does and what he HAS done.”

4) “There will be a solution to this invented debt ceiling crisis when Barack Obama and his advisers feel that the Republicans have sufficiently become co-owners of his awful economy, even though they don’t control any complete branch of government.”

5) “These liberals want to change America, but you don’t want to fix what’s not broken. We’re still the best country in the world, we just need government to get out of the way. Liberals want self-responsibility and accountability to fall by the wayside. They want it to be replaced by wanting things given to you, claiming victimhood wherever you can.”

6) Obama was a 1/3 term Senator. He has never written his own legislation. He’s never owned a business. He’s never run anything of consequence. He and his smart-power team of academics haven’t a clue of what to do or how to do it. It’s pathetic.”

7) “These advisers that are telling Obama to veto whatever bill Boehner sends up, are they the same clueless advisers that let this economic holocaust happen in the first place? The same advisers that never get the numbers right and are forever talking about how unemployment rose ‘unexpectedly’? THOSE advisers?”

8) “When President Obama says ‘don’t call my bluff,’ that’s a poker reference. But what we’ve learned is that the President wasn’t playing poker at all, he’s been playing Three Card Monte.”

9) “Remember when Obama told us, about a month or two into his term, that he was pretty good at being President? Well, now he’s learning – what’s that old saying about pride and falling?”

10) “We’ve been told that Obama is a transformational figure. Yes, he’s transformational. He’s transformed the recovery into a swamp, into a sewer, into a cesspool.”

But I think the real reason I like listening to Doug is that he says stuff I wish that I had thought of first.

Yes, I am ripe with the stink of envy.

Anyway, a reminder that you can hear the whole show (and/or download it – right click the download link & “save as”) for free by hitting the show’s archive’s page.

Appropo of nothing, Doug usually refers to me on the show as “The Web Emperor, Ming the Merciless”. How awesome is that?