If you’re an atheist, you never get a moment of “Aha! I was right!” about eternal nothingness. It will always require a measure of faith.
One of the best things about writing my book is that I’ve now gone from being terrified of radio interviews to enjoying them. I have to thank Michael Medved for that for showing me how to do them in a fun way.
I’m still assessing this “being a responsible adult” thing.
Brad Bird seems to be keeping his above 90% record on RottenTomatoes with his first live action film. I was so not caring about a new Mission Impossible film, but then I saw who was directing it. Somehow I doubt it will be as poignant as his other films, though.
It’s nice that the Marine Corps runs the Toys for Tots program so they can finally give something back to this country.
Ooh. My latest column for the NYPost earned a coveted “Read the whole thing.” from the puppy blender. Not his usual “I quoted the only interesting part so don’t bother clicking the link.”
I love it when I click to watch a movie trailer and they make me watch an ad first. Have to see an ad to watch an ad.
Apparently for Expendables 2 they heard your complaints about which over the hill action stars were missing and added them too. Chuck Norris better do a roundhouse kick or I’ll demand my money back.
Interesting economy they have in Legend of Zelda where one of the hardest to obtain and most valuable items is an empty bottle.
I stopped being excited for Christmas when my letter to Santa got the response, “One day, I’ll murder you while you sleep.”
I’d wake up Christmas night to see Santa standing over me. “Not this year, but maybe next,” he’d say. “Or when you least expect; like Easter.”
I stopped believing in Santa when it was revealed he had an affair.
Santa got a lot more popular with the kids when he stopped wearing clown makeup.
Last time I saw Santa, he was reading Richard Dawkins. Don’t know what to make of that.
Santa is kind of paranoid. He has lots of look-alikes go do events for him, sort of like Saddam.
I once saw Santa windup and punch an elf right in the face. Not saying I disapprove; just saying I saw it.
Santa used to root through people’s pantries for cookies and make a big mess, so eventually people figured it was just easier to leave some out for him. And if you’re leaving out cookies, you might as well leave out milk. It’s only polite.
On years when Santa is low on cash, he just sneaks in at night at relabels the gifts from your parents as from him. Parents go along with it because they feel sorry for the guy.
The reason Santa wears a red suit is the same reason the Redcoats did.
If you ever encounter Santa’s reindeer, don’t mention Rudolph. They will maul you. They hate that madeup reindeer getting all the credit.
The long and short of it is that Santa likes kids – and not in a creepy way – and you need to give a wide berth or you’re going to get hurt.
Not surprised the North Korean dictator died. I knew he was Il.
You can use atrocities to cling to your dictatorship for mere moments, but you’re still dead forever.
Just like going to the movies isn’t it? Except you don’t have some woman chattering away and some baby crying in the background. Oh, wait – you have those too.
Blitzen is particularly POd about Rudolph. Bad enough he has to be in the back row, behind three rows of fartin’ reindeer and right in front of the whip.
Can you really get reindeer to pull on a sled like that (I mean, on the ground)? Isn’t the problem with deer of all kinds that they’re too dumb to be trained, unlike horses? Wouldn’t eight reindeer go running off like the footrace for people with no sense of direction?
And finally, when someone like Kim Il checks out, I am reminded of the line from Jack Nicholson’s Joker: “You are a vicious bastard Rotelli, and, uh, I’m glad you’re dead!”
I think most of what you right is funny, Frank, but this one actually made me laugh out loud:
“It’s nice that the Marine Corps runs the Toys for Tots program so they can finally give something back to this country.”
“…and you need to give a wide berth or you’re going to get hurt.”
Particularly if you make him sleep in the top bunk.
When I read the line about Santa’s body doubles, I was going to try to work in an Arrested Development reference about the Saddam look alikes and “no-scar”, but it was turning into too much effort. Plus it would have made no sense to people who weren’t already big Arrested Development fans.
** GROAN **
Behind his back they used to call him Il Douch-ay!
Those blasted Marines. Always giving their lives and limbs instead of focusing on toys for the needy.
If Chesty Puller were alive today, he’d politely ask you for a toy in his own Chesty way, “It’s gonna be a lot harder for you to hand over a nice toy if I have to rip your arms off yo get it.”
So, what do atheists get?
“Oh damn, I was wrong!” moments about eternal life?
“I stopped being excited for Christmas when my letter to Santa got the response, “One day, I’ll murder you while you sleep.'”
I got one of those too. And, it really used to bother me. But, then I found out it wasn’t really from Santa, just my parents, and I felt a lot better.
“Mommy, Santa says ‘they all float.'”
You can be an atheist and believe in an afterlife.
Brad Bird? He glommed onto me like I was his new BFF. (No, he’s not gay.) A nice guy. Pretty damn funny. Thing was he was wearing one of those Yukon-inspired green, fur-lined hooded parkas from the 1970s and it was still September in LA.
CaptMidnight says:
December 19th, 2011 at 8:34 pm
You can be an atheist and believe in an afterlife.
You know what afterbirth is?
“We don’t do dangerous things where lots of people could be hurt…”
We don’t? What about screwing someone you just met, without a condom, without the PILL, without a vasectomy, without tubes tied, without marriage and then killing the baby 6 to 8 months later?
Tangible placental expulsion.