Archive of entries posted on 29th March 2012

Link of the Day

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[High Praise! to Son of Bob]

Son of Bob sent me a link to the Daily Caller, where it turns out that Trayvon had a second Twitter account, and his self-portrait had an obscene hand gesture.

Son of Bob suggested something… interesting… I could do with that picture, and I liked the idea. However, obscene hand gestures don’t really qualify as PG-13, so I’m not posting it here.

So, I posted it at my personal blog. If you’re not offended by obscene hand gestures, go take a peek.

If you ARE offended by obscene hand gestures, here’s a link to CutePuppies.net

OO! Look! Baby Chomps! “Flip-flops make me angry. VERY angry.”

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Obama Clarifies Hot Mic Remarks

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WASHINGTON (AP) – President Obama held a press conference today to “clarify” remarks he made at the tail end of his 90 minute meeting with Russian President Dmitri Medvedev Monday, which were picked up by microphones as reporters were let into the room.

‘It’s 1B 2B 3 – so easy a Scotsman could remember it.’

“Now,” began the President after the attendees had quieted down, “when I said I needed ‘space’ to solve the missile defense issue, I was taking a firm and manly stand against the encroachment of Russian satellite technology orbiting the earth. The United States is currently contracting with a high-tech, sustainable, solar-powered defense firm in Idaho to create a space-based laser system for shooting down evil Russkie missiles. Lots of good, green jobs, ya know. And the thing is huge, so it needs lots of space. In space. So, that’s what I meant by needing space.”

“As for the part about having ‘more flexibility’ after the election,” continued Obama, “well, it was supposed to be a secret, but the cat’s out of the bag now. So, I’m proud to announce that my wife, Michelle, is rolling out her ‘Let’s Flex!’ program next year for all government workers. It’s like yogi & pilots… all that bendy stuff. I like to joke that it’ll help me get out of the way if I ever find myself between Michelle and a tamale. Heh. Good times. We kid a lot. But seriously. Just, you know, like dance aerobics. To increase flexibility. Certainly no threat to violate the constitutional limits on my powers or anything.”

“Finally,” concluded Obama, “telling Medvedev what America’s nuclear launch codes are was just sort of a back-up plan for ensuring the complete annihilation of the United States on the off chance that my plan to destroy it economically falls through. Don’t worry. They probably won’t even need to use them unless Obamacare gets overturned.”

After an aide informed the President that his last remark to Medvedev hadn’t been overheard by reporters, Obama paused in dead silence, then said “Oh! That’s my ring,” checked his cell phone, and stated “gotta take this” while hurrying off stage.

Human Achievement Week: Robot That Can Jump 30 Feet High

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Sand Flea is an 11-lb robot with one trick up its sleeve: Normally it drives like an RC car, but when it needs to it can jump 30 feet into the air. An onboard stabilization system keeps it oriented during flight to improve the view from the video uplink and to control landings. Current development of Sand Flea is funded by the The US Army’s Rapid Equipping Force. For more information visit www.BostonDynamics.com.


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #688,568)

Who’s got the high ground NOW, Obi-Wan?

Nuke the News: Severable

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* So they the Supreme Court discussed the severability of the individual mandate yesterday. It’s a discussion that’s moot if the mandate is upheld, but if the mandate is struck down and it’s decided that the mandate isn’t severable (it is the key to the bill’s funding), then all of Obamacare will be tossed out.

I saw this headline: “What will the Republicans do if Supreme Court kills Obamacare?” The answer: Laugh until we’re physically sick.

There will be gloating unlike this nation as ever seen if Obamacare is completely tossed out. It probably will be an awful spectacle and not be at all helpful to stopping Obama from being reelected, but we also might not be able to help it. The left will be shouting, “Stop licking our faces!” To which we’ll say, “But your tears taste so sweet!”

Well, we’ll find out in June, I guess.

* If you were waiting to hear from Pravda before making your decision in the presidential election, they do not like Mitt Romney. Certainly not as much as they like Obama. So there’s that.

But if you were waiting until George H.W. Bush made an endorsement, well he endorsed Romney. So that should totally influence… um… Well, I don’t think it will make a difference with Pravda.

Senator Marco Rubio has also endorsed Romney, though. Since Romney is pretty much certain to win, it’s not really much help at this point. I guess people just feel the need to start rallying behind him. Are you ready for that? IMAO is working on a new logo where we replace the moon with Romney’s smiling face. Go Romney!

* On the campaign trail, Joe Biden mistakenly referred to college president Dr. Paper as “Dr. Pepper.” Dan Quayle just can’t compete with this guy.

In Biden’s defense, he often makes mistakes when he’s thirsty. Or speaking.

* Underneath our noses, there apparently has been an Amish gang war going on where they cut off each other’s beards or something. Why hasn’t there been a basic cable drama — like on AMC — about the seedy underbelly of the Amish? Could be interesting. And I just pitched it. So if a studio decides to do it, they have to give me money.

And if you’re every fighting an Amish man, go for his beard. That’s the source of his power.

* Wisdom of the Day from Josh Greenman:

Using only the power of argument, Paul Clement just made me hit myself.

Random Thoughts

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I don’t get why some people think a car elevator is a big deal. Are they claiming their cars can use the stairs?

That fight at the end of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol at Romney’s house was pretty cool.

How about a compromise: You can stay on your parents’ insurance until age 26, but then you’re not classified as an adult and can’t vote.

A lot of people these days don’t start to get their heads together until age 30; maybe we should change the legal definition of an adult.

“Right-wingers aren’t funny! All they do is point and laugh at me and I don’t get it and it makes me feel bad!”

The right don’t need jokes; we just laugh at poor people.

I think there are fewer right comedians for same reason there are fewer right actors. It’s not that a conservative can’t act; it’s just not a career choice a conservative usually gravitates to.

So who’s the funniest faction of the left? I always get the most laughs out of the feminists. Experts at deadpan humor.

I need to explain to Buttercup that pointing out objects you know the name of does not count as conversation.

If all of Obamacare is struck down, the subsequent gloating party won’t be helpful to defeating Obama, but some things are more important.

State of the economy: I use to get iPad twitter spam. Now I’m getting Walmart twitter spam.

The controversy in this country isn’t access to birth control. It’s access to other people’s wallets.