WASHINGTON (AP) – President Obama held a press conference today to “clarify” remarks he made at the tail end of his 90 minute meeting with Russian President Dmitri Medvedev Monday, which were picked up by microphones as reporters were let into the room.

‘It’s 1B 2B 3 – so easy a Scotsman could remember it.’

“Now,” began the President after the attendees had quieted down, “when I said I needed ‘space’ to solve the missile defense issue, I was taking a firm and manly stand against the encroachment of Russian satellite technology orbiting the earth. The United States is currently contracting with a high-tech, sustainable, solar-powered defense firm in Idaho to create a space-based laser system for shooting down evil Russkie missiles. Lots of good, green jobs, ya know. And the thing is huge, so it needs lots of space. In space. So, that’s what I meant by needing space.”

“As for the part about having ‘more flexibility’ after the election,” continued Obama, “well, it was supposed to be a secret, but the cat’s out of the bag now. So, I’m proud to announce that my wife, Michelle, is rolling out her ‘Let’s Flex!’ program next year for all government workers. It’s like yogi & pilots… all that bendy stuff. I like to joke that it’ll help me get out of the way if I ever find myself between Michelle and a tamale. Heh. Good times. We kid a lot. But seriously. Just, you know, like dance aerobics. To increase flexibility. Certainly no threat to violate the constitutional limits on my powers or anything.”

“Finally,” concluded Obama, “telling Medvedev what America’s nuclear launch codes are was just sort of a back-up plan for ensuring the complete annihilation of the United States on the off chance that my plan to destroy it economically falls through. Don’t worry. They probably won’t even need to use them unless Obamacare gets overturned.”

After an aide informed the President that his last remark to Medvedev hadn’t been overheard by reporters, Obama paused in dead silence, then said “Oh! That’s my ring,” checked his cell phone, and stated “gotta take this” while hurrying off stage.