Archive of entries posted on 6th April 2012

Link of the Day: Zombies and Obama’s Road Trip

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[High Praise! to Calvin A of Voices Inside My Head]

Do you want to survive a zombie apocalypse?

Sure! We all do!

But it takes more than a large supply of ammo and a “Walking Dead” DVD collection. You have to arm yourself with facts:

When Zombies Attack!: Mathematical Modelling of an Outbreak of Zombie Infection (pdf)

By the way, if you don’t like reading pdf’s because Adobe is more annoying than a zombie infection, I recommend Foxit, which is free and comes as both a stand-alone reader and a Firefox add-on.

BONUS VIDEO: The 2012 National Debt Road Trip

[High Praise! to Deb]

I watched the 2009 version and had two reactions:

1) He makes dry, boring debt figures extremely interesting with his road trip analogy and clever visuals.

2) He scared the pants off me.

Still pantsless 3 years later, I watched the 2012 video and again had two reactions:

1) He still makes dry, boring debt figures extremely interesting with his road trip analogy and clever visuals.

2) Where Obama’s taking us, I won’t need pants.

You’ll understand that second one after you watch the video:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #8,380)

By the way, the 2009 version ended up with over a million views, so you’re getting in on the ground floor with this one. Tell your friends before they tell you.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Obama Signs Bill Placing Bounty on Polar Bears

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WASHINGTON (AP) – With unemployment still at a dismal 8.2% and the polar bear population climbing, President Obama yesterday signed a bill placing a $100 bounty on the head of every polar bear.

Miami Beach, 2022?

“I’ve always said that the true engine of job creation in this country is the private sector, not the government,” Obama said during a signing ceremony in the White House Rose Garden. “Our job is to help our companies grow and hire. This bill will pay private companies to engage in the wholesale slaughter of polar bears, which have become a plague upon this nation, devouring our crops and chasing American families from their homes.”

Despite fears from global warming advocates fearing their imminent extinction, polar bear populations have nearly doubled in the last year. If this trend were to continue – as it must, since all trends related to global warming are permanently linear when rising – experts predict that within 10 years, the coastal areas of the United States would be under 20 feet of polar bears.

Rising polar bear violence claims another victim

“Every day I’m fighting to make sure America is the best place on Earth to do business,” said President Obama. “And it’s kinda hard to do that when you’re up to your ass in polar bears.”

“Much like the government’s home energy credit has resulted in solar panels and windmills on the roof of every home in the United States, the polar bear credit will surely save our nation from this fur-clad menace that threatens our very existence. At the same time, it will provide a much needed boost to our country’s flagging ursine eradication industry by providing good, high-paying jobs to those most in need of having their animal blood-lust sated.”

“Also,” concluded the President, “I heard they taste like Wagyu.”

Republicans were dismissive of the bill’s prospects for success.

RNC Chair Reince Priebus observed, “First, they taste like chicken. Second, when is Obama going to stop getting distracted by nonsense and get serious about America’s REAL problems by signing the bill already passed by the Republican House declaring war on caterpillars?”

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UPDATE: Linked by SZone

Nuke the News: The Democrats’ War on Honesty

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* I’ve seen numerous posts full of specious reasoning from the left on why the right can’t be funny, and I said, “Hey, I can do that!” So here is my PJ Media column on why the left are incapable of being funny.

Liberals will point to how many more professional comedians they have, but that’s exactly it. Conservatives can be funny in their spare time, but for liberals to even attempt to be funny, they have to work the entire day at it.

Enjoy!

* RNC chair Reince Priebus dismissed the “war on women” by making a simple point about how the Democrats could make up anything — like a war on caterpillars — and the media would run with that. The media then purposely misinterpreted this simple point so they and the Democrats could screech about it — basically proving Priebus’s point.

We can only spend so much time complaining about media bias, as the media seems to especially attract useless twits and they’re always going to be biased against the right. But just look at the reverse and see how constantly off guard the left end up about things like the popularity of Obamacare (see the Taranto Principle). We don’t want a chorus in the media; we have to keep fighting to stay frosty.

And since the people supposedly on the side of women have supported things that have led to 160 million missing women in this world, caterpillars better be grateful the GOP hasn’t declared war on them, because then the Dems, just to be contrary, would use the full force of government to help caterpillars and the end result would most likely be us never seeing a butterfly ever again.

* You ever wonder if the reason the DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schulz is so over the top horrible that the strategy is people will be too busy making fun of her to make fun of Obama? She’s a honeypot… which is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said about her.

* If you were worried about unemployment, don’t be. Obama signed a jobs bill. It should all be over soon.

* Wisdom of the Day from Political Math:

Rounded to the nearest whole number, the Buffett rule will reduce the deficit 0%

* Despite fears of global warming, the polar bear population is growing. This sucks, because I was hoping to murder polar bears and that people wouldn’t notice among all the global warming deaths. You ever hold a polar bear’s head underwater to drown him? It takes a while.

Random Thoughts

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Why do scientists have to keep sissifying all the dinosaurs by putting feathers on them?

Dinosaurs were cool when I was kid and now they’re Vegas showgirls.

Uh oh. Mitt Romney knows all the lines to O Brother Where Art Thou and one of them has the n-word in it.

Who knew that a crack mayor could be such an embarrassment?

I apparently missed something about caterpillars.

BREAKING: The War on Women has been won by men. All women must report to nearest kitchen to make us sammiches.

The GOP doesn’t hate caterpillars. They hate butterflies.

Phase 1: GOP declares war on caterpillars.
Phase 2: Democrats use government to help caterpillars.
Phase 3: Caterpillars become extinct.

So the media is purposefully misunderstanding Priebus’s point so they can ridicule it which proves his point.

I want to be happy with what I have, but then it feels like the beginning of a movie where my family gets kidnapped and I have to fight to get back the perfect life I had.

I blamed global warming, but I bet they’ll be able to tell from the marks that I garroted that polar bear.

Game of Thrones book stop talking about trees I don’t care

Quote of the Day

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High praise! for this comment by Flytiger:

It’s better to let Obama spend the war chest for ads on IMAO than on commercials on the Dr. Phil show, OWN, Lifetime, QVC, etc. I say, “Let BHO waste all the money here, where it will do the most good.”

UPDATE: Frank reminded me of a clause in the Google ads agreement: “Publishers are not allowed to use language to lead users to click Google ads.”

So remember, those ads are intended for honestly curious and open-minded individuals who desire additional information from sponsors, such as Obama’s reelection campaign. It would be highly unethical to give them attention for any other reason, and anyone who does so is a bad person.

UPDATE: Speaking of IMAO becoming an Obama 2012 ad-magnet, Hunter [High Praise!] sent me this screenshot of IMAO featuring – unintentionally – the best ad-placement ever:
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UPDATE: Just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, Hunter [Higher Praise!] showed me that yes, indeed, it does.