Finally! Indisputable Proof That Elizabeth Warren Was an Indian

More proof at The Looking Spoon.

UPDATE: Linked by It’s About Liberty

Superlative Song Parody: Ever Major’s Terrible

Having written a few parody songs in my day (none of them very good), I’m acutely aware of how difficult it is to maintain the rhythm & rhyme of the original while still changing enough to make the point you’re trying to get across.

If you’re in college or have gone to college, I think you’ll really appreciate what XKCD pulled off with this:

Every Major’s Terrible

Now, if you’re not up on your Gilbert & Sullivan, that’s ok, because David Dalrymple took on the insane challenge of actually singing XKCD’s version, so all you have to do is watch, listen, and enjoy:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #71,393)

Link of the Day: Obama’s Avengers Underoos

[High Praise! to Innominatus]

Think of this as “In My World” light. It’s got the style. I’ll leave it up to you decide if it’s got the execution:

Barry disturbing events

Hold up your score cards in the comments, please.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

10 Ways Obama Will Distract You From Talking About the Economy

[High Praise! to Critter for the suggestion]

I don’t have psychic powers, but I do have enough brain juice to notice the odd way various unimportant topics keep popping up in the media’s chit-chat about the President – none of which are even remotely related to his dismal record on the economy.

It’s like there’s this… list… somewhere of oo!-look-at-the-shiny-penny distrac-topics that various spokes-tools drag into the news cycle’s echo chamber to keep people from thinking, “Hey! I don’t have a job and my insurance premiums just went up because of Obamacare!”

You know… stuff like “how Romney transported his dog 30 years ago”, “how the government helps ‘Julia'”, and – perhaps cheesiest of all – after 3 years of phumphering, Obama finally admits to having an opinion on gay marriage, and it’s the same one EVERY liberal Democrat has.

What’ll pop out of the spin machine next? Let the wild speculation begin!:
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“Does Obama look like he’s put on a few pounds? Also, has anyone seen Bo?”

1) During a speech at a Stark Trek convention, Obama “boldly goes there” by insisting that Janeway was way better than both Kirk AND Picard.

2) Nancy Pelosi suggests that, because of the President’s “gutsy call” to get bin Laden, the American military’s highest award for bravery should be renamed the “Obama Medal of Honor.”

3) Heavy rains cause massive flooding in Mississippi! Could this be a sign of GLOBAL WARMING?

4) A growing trend of people seeing the Obama symbol in everyday objects, like soccer balls, beer foam, and small moons – obviously because of their strong, unconscious yearning for the hope Obama brings, since Romney’s trademark important-looking hair hasn’t been seen anywhere except his barber’s floor. Speaking of which, did you know Romney pays more than $10 for a haircut? He’s SO out of touch with the average American!

5) Nathan Fillion publicly admits to owning the only surviving DVDs of “Firefly: Season Two”.

6) Drought in Oklahoma! Could this be a sign of GLOBAL WARMING?

7) Unquashable rumor that financially-troubled ratings-Morlock MSNBC will be bought by Newsweek for $1.

8) On the 35th anniversary of his death, Obama makes a gutsy call by openly stating his preference for “young Elvis“.

9) For the first time in history, the entire United States goes a day without setting a high- or low-temperature record – GLOBALWARMINGGLOBALWARMINGGLOBALWARMING!

10) When Jay Carney walks out to the podium for the morning press briefing, ABC’s eagle-eyed Jake Tapper notices that Jay forgot to remove the joint from behind his ear, and harshes everyone’s mellow by asking about it.
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Or Obama could just go old-school Wag the Dog and declare war on Albania

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UPDATE: Linked by YouViewed

UPDATE: Linked by RightNation

23 Fun Facts About Mother’s Day

Forget flowers, candy, perfume, cards and brunch. All you REALLY need to make mom happy is to show her how much you know about the specialest, motherest day of the year by sharing these:
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Fun Facts About Mother’s Day

For just this one day a year, be a sweetie and don’t say anything about her jeans, ok?

1) The Mother’s Day holiday was first conceived by an American woman named Anna Jarvis in 1907, but didn’t become an official holiday until 1914, when President Woodrow Wilson’s mom finally managed to guilt him into it.

2) Mother’s Day is celebrated in 43 countries around the world. The other 153 celebrate the more traditional “Is Dinner Ready Yet Day”

3) Mother’s Day is officially designated the 2nd Sunday in May, rather than on a fixed calendar day, because if you want something fixed, you should call your dad.

4) Mothers secrete large amounts of a hormone called “oxytocin” during childbirth, which is responsible for the feeling of love a mother has for her offspring. It also spikes on those rare occasions when your clothes make it into the hamper instead of landing on a nearby patch of floor.

5) Although different languages have different words for “mother”, all of them start with the letter “M”. Except on Jerry Springer, where they usually start with “B”.

6) Mother’s Day ranks as the third most popular holiday in the world, after Christmas and Easter. It would rank higher were it not for the fact that there’s no such thing as leftover Mother’s Day candy.

7) In many Christian countries, Mother’s Day is associated with the Feast of Virgin Mary, except in America where it’s associated with the Binge of Ben & Jerry’s.

8) In Arab countries, the highlight of Mother’s Day is the “Burka Breakdance Contest.” If you’ve ever done a headspin in sand, you know how hard it is to win this thing.

9) Although mother chimpanzees, like human mothers, enjoy long-lasting relationships with their babies, they don’t celebrate Mother’s Day because their offspring are too busy plotting the Monkey Apocalypse to pick up a phone and call.

10) Maria del Carmen Bousada Lara from Spain gave birth to twin boys when she was 66 years old on December 29th, 2006, making her the world’s oldest birth-mother. On Mother’s Day 2007, she was presented with a solid chocolate rocking chair.

11) The most popular gift-flower on Mother’s Day is the red carnation. If you don’t have red carnations, most mothers will be just as happy with a nice red cabernet.

12) The Nazi government in Germany used to present an award called the Mother’s Cross on Mother’s Day to encourage women to have more children. Allied governments handed out maids & babysitters. Guess which one worked better?

13) In Paraguay, Mother’s Day is celebrated on May 15th, the Independence Day of the country, when many mothers enjoy a special treat of waking up to fireworks in bed.

14) Long ago, people in England honored their mothers with a wild, drunken day of celebration called “Mothering Sunday,” which was followed immediately by “Shhh! Mommy’s Got a Hangover Monday”.

15) The average number of children born to women over a lifetime in the US is 2.03. Coincidentally, the average number of disappointing Mother’s Day gifts a woman receives over a lifetime is… somewhat higher by several orders of magnitude.

16) There are 17,124 florists in the US. On Mother’s Day, all of them will have nothing but black-spotted, wilty, petal-dropping flowers left. Why didn’t you plan ahead, you thoughtless, ungrateful child!

17) On average, 43,000 births each year in the US occur someplace other than a hospital, which can only be blamed on the negative influence of ratings-hungry television dramas.

18) Ancient Egyptians believed that “Bast” was the mother of all cats on Earth, and that cats were sacred animals, possibly explaining why the traditional Egyptian Mother’s Day gift is a dead mouse.

19) Many of the sweaters worn by Mr. Rogers on the popular television show, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, were actually knitted by his real mother. Every year on Mother’s Day, he would give her a pair of scissors and beg her to cut the apron strings.

20) Having 4 official languages, various regions of Switzerland celebrate either Muttertag, La Festa Della Mamma, Fête des Mères, or Gimme Some Damn Chocolate Day.

21) Mother’s Day is the largest card-sending day of the year. It’s also the day postal sorting machines are most likely to become jammed with macaroni and glitter.

22) In Ethiopia, Mother’s Day is celebrated by having mothers anoint themselves with butter. Just my opinion, but if they added flour, sugar, eggs, chocolate chips, and 10 minutes at 350 degrees, it’d be a much better holiday for everyone.

23) According to the most recent census, there are 85.4 million mothers in the United States. Despite all of them fondly recalling the birth of their children, all of them have, at one time or another, asked their non-door-closing offspring if they were born in a barn.
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Ya know, all 85.4 million mothers have also said, “some day you’ll thank me for this.”

And all 85.4 million of them were right.

Thanks, mom.

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UPDATE: Linked by I’m a Man, I’m 41

UPDATE: Linked by Soylent Green (NSFW)

Obama Ate a Dog Quote T-Shirt

In the comments to a recent post, Moon Nuker Hunter had a t-shirt request:

“Of all the dog-eaters we could have elected President, why did we have to pick the one with the least understanding of basic American principles?”

As. You. Wish.

Now available at the IMAO Store.