Because the US military is so awesome, the only army that could actually give us a decent fight is one that’s made up.
Assuming, of course, that our Rules of Engagement aren’t mired in some rainbow-unicorn “winning hearts & minds” bushwah.
However, if we only wanted to win hearts & minds so that we could display them in a trophy case, then my first point still stands.
Sick of Obama submitting unserious budgets that don’t address the looming entitlement crisis, John Boehner said “we’ve spent enough time playing small ball.”
John, Obama’s a golfer. Those are the only balls he’s got.
[High Praise! to Hunter of Atomic Monkey Action Squad]
Hunter takes Obama’s biography-meddling and “one-downs” it like a boss:
I Drop My Name Into the Presidential Biographies
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wow. The hits just keep on coming.
He ate a dog, he slept with composite women (who totally existed!), he loved driving drunk, and he used to bully kids by punching them in the face.
Too bad all John McCain did was serve his country and spend 5 years being tortured in Vietnamese prison camps. He might’ve amounted to something.
I thought about reading DFMF myself to see what other oddball tidbits are in there, but I’m right in the middle of “The Count of Monte Cristo” right now (“You’ll like it. It’s about a prison break.”), so I’m just gonna have to take a few guesses at what other surprises await the discerning reader :
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1) Fell in love with a singer at a night club. Turned out *spoiler alert* she was a dude.
2) Worked for a secret government agency whose goal was to keep people from finding out that aliens live among us. He was Agent K’s original partner, Agent O, although his name was changed to protect his identity in that documentary by Will Smith.
3) While living in Hawaii, invented the grass skirt. Still wears them behind the podium at press conferences.
4) During his introduction of Professor Derrick Bell at a Harvard protest in 1991, mistakenly described him as “the founder of America’s Mexican fast-food industry.”
5) In a crazy bar bet with a young man identified only as “Johnny”, lost a golden fiddle.
6) Only smoked marijuana once, experimentally. Then 7000 more times to confirm his data. Scientific method rules!
7) His roommate in college was a Chinese guy that Obama constantly borrowed money from, but never repaid.
8) Amazed his friends by appearing to die while fighting a Balrog, only to appear months later wearing a white robe and requesting that he should be addressed with a peculiar nickname that seemed to deny his African-American heritage.
9) Never actually told his literary agent that he was born in Kenya. Over a bad connection, he’d told his secretary that he was a “born Keynesian”. From there, chalk it up to poor penmanship.
10) As a poverty-stricken student at Occidental College in L.A., his lack of means forced him to do his own automotive maintenance, including changing his own oil. Which he would dump on the beach and blame BP for.
11) Shot a man in Reno just to watch the shortcomings of the failed American healthcare system let him die.
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Anyway, go ahead & read Dreams From My Father yourself. Bet you a gold fiddle my list isn’t nearly as weird as what’s actually in there.
You can always give a drawing of a gun with words in front of it that say how incredibly useful and versatile guns are:
Perfect for the man who has everything, except a place to put his coffee.
Also available in torso coverage.
Les of Brick Moon [High Praise!] whipped this up for your enjoyment:
Reference Links for future random visitors:
Bit my sister
Woman of Color
Newsweek cover
* Man, it’s Friday and I don’t feel like talking about politics. So what have you all been up to that doesn’t involve politics?
Oh. Really? That’s boring. Back to politics!
* Obama apparently used to be a nutty birther. Yep, in his bio for his literary agent, he claimed to have been born in Kenya.
Now, I find birthers to be annoying, so it’s a shock to find out the president is one. We can’t have a nut like that in the presidency; it will make us look like idiots. It’s time for him to go. No one in a position of power should be making such nutty claims. We have two candidates, and one of them, Romney, has consistently said that Obama was born in Hawaii. Let’s elect the sane one.
* Brand new shocking information about Obama found by someone actually reading Obama’s book: Obama liked to drive drunk. What a lot of neat stuff we’re finally finding out about Obama four years after he was elected. Belly full of dog, mind clouded with gin, out loose on the highways. But he got over those rough early years to be a complete disaster as president.
His next memoir should really be written as a comedy.
* Jeremiah Wright claims he was offered money to keep quiet about Obama and…
Weird. I just got a PayPal donation from Obama for… Wow. That’s quite a bit.
Know what. Never mind about this. Let’s go on to the next item.
* Here’s a blogger for Comedy Central whining about how conservatives are overtaking Twitter. If there’s one thing Twitter has taught me, it’s that there are a lot more funny conservatives than liberals. They just don’t have jobs in comedy.
* I know I’ve been making fun of the move Battleship since — you know — it’s a movie based on the board game Battleship, but the director actually seems kind of cool and pro-military. Here’s a funny interview for Israel where he gets on the reporter for not being in the military (language warning). Also, a character in the movie is a disabled veteran who lost both his legs played by an actual disabled veteran who lost both his legs in Iraq — and gets to be part of a cool action scene. I kind of want to see the movie now.
So, will any Democrat argue that Romney’s bullying 50 years ago is relevant but Obama’s spiritual influence for 20 years isn’t?
Or that how Romney treated his dog once years ago is relevant but that Obama was silent about his crazed pastor isn’t?
Wright and Ayers shows that Obama has a history of hanging around awful people and keeping silent to help himself politically.
That said, doesn’t really seem like we should need to bring up personal stuff with how horrible Obama’s job performance has been.
Usually, you bring up the personal stuff to say the guy is going to do a bad job. That point has already been proven.
I’ll not bring up Jeremiah Wright if the Obama campaign pays me hush money.
The Wright thing was to say Obama would he a bad president. Since he has been a bad president, attack him on that.
I say we keep Obama from being reelected and then argue how stupid it was to elect him in the first place.
1/32 of Obama’s birth was in Kenya.
The fact that Barack Obama used to be a birther should discredit him from office.
The easiest way to be carbon neutral is to find someone with the same size carbon footprint as you and murder him.
If I wrote my own Wikipedia page, it would longer and much more epic.
I have the .380 version of Zimmerman’s gun. Inexpensive. Easy to conceal. Made in Cocoa, Florida. I have had feed problems with it.
Since I’m morally opposed to the metric system, I call a 9mm a “.380 long.”
I tried writing a screenplay but it involved too much fiddling with indenting in MSWord so I’m going to be a novelist instead.
