[High Praise! to Michelle Obama’s Mirror]
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #3,916)
Just thought #5 from this post could use a reference link.
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UPDATE: Linked by Top Conservative Blogs.
Archive of entries posted on 29th May 2012
And the Award for Most Inappropriate Use of a Superhero Goes to…
The guy who thought this was a good idea:
Yeah, it’s an Iron Man scooter.
Part of my soul just died.
[High Praise! to Technabob]
Link of the Day: If Top Gun Were About Mathematicians Instead of Fighter Pilots
I don’t remember the last time I saw something this nerdy. If your sense of humor runs that direction, you’ll love this cartoon from Abstruse Goose [NOTE: contains a swear that was in the movie “Top Gun”]:
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
10 Unbelievable Surprises in Michelle Obama’s New Book
Wow.
USA Today just ran the world’s puffiest puff piece on Michelle Obama, the excuse being the book “she wrote” a book about the White House garden.
I, for one, can’t wait to get my hands on this epic tome, as it’s sure to be the greatest thing penned by a Democrat since “Pow Wow Chow.”
Wonder what’s in there?
I speculate thusly:
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1) Turns out all the recipes in it were plagiarized from Julia.
2) Barack’s nickname for Michelle’s little field is the “Greyhound Garnish Garden.”
3) Michelle’s garden contains Swiss chard, sea kale, Early Jersey Wakefield cabbage, four kinds of garlic, and a patch of blueberries. It’s also 1/32 Indian Corn. Plus a little choom in the corner.
4) Every child who worked in the Michelle’s garden was rewarded with a free trip to Vail. Just kidding. That’s only Michelle’s kids.
5) At harvest time, the sound of the kids singing “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” can be heard for miles. Those not singing loud enough feel the sting of Michelle’s boob-belt.
6) To keep pesky critters away from the veggies, an audio system plays an endless loop of Joe Biden’s speeches. BOOM! They’re out cold & snoring in 15 seconds.
7) Michelle Obama’s 22 paid staff members work hard to make the garden a success. Do you know how tough it is finding places that sell $6000 gardening gloves and gold-plated shovels?
8) The harvested vegetables are carried into the White House kitchen using baskets hand-woven by re-trained former Solyndra employees. Stimulus creates or saves again!
9) To keep the Secret Service agents from nodding off while listening to old Biden speeches, alertness is encouraged by dressing the scarecrows as Colombian hookers.
10) MSNBC’s Chris Hayes is quoted as saying that he would be completely comfortable calling any large sandwich made with a long, crusty roll split lengthwise and containing White-House-grown vegetables a “hero.”
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There’s also probably something in there about an extra tax on the 1% of the vegetables the grew the largest, since at a certain point, you’ve absorbed enough of the soil’s nutrients.
lolbama! Part 90
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: With Frank’s birthday being next Monday, and one day not being sufficient to hold all the merry-making such an occasion deserves, IMAO will be holding a week-long celebration of Frank J’s birthday. So on Tuesday, the regularly-scheduled lolterizt! round-up will be postponed to bring a special edition of lolfrank!
Pictures of Frank suitable for captioning can be found here and here.
Unlike lolterizt! and lolbama! submissions, please aim for funny rather than cruel, since Frank is a gentle, sensitive soul. Also, he’s threatened to let SarahK shave off half my beard if I post anything too mean.
As usual, send your submissions to: lolterizt@gmail.com
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
From Arik:
[reference link]
From Arik:
[reference link]
From Arik:
From Arik:
From James:
[reference link]
From Kris:
[reference link]
From Kris:
[reference link]
From Kris:
From Kris:
From Kris (via Ken Catalino):
From Kris (via Ken Catalino):
[reference link]
From Travelwise42:
My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:
From Arik:
From Mxymaster:
[reference link]
This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with
More Frank J. pics available via the links at the top of the post.
I’m going with Arik for adding the Opti-Grab handle to Elizabeth Warren’s glasses.
What say you?
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
Nuke the News: Left Uncomfortable with Troops and Vice Versa
* I don’t feel like blogging today. All the humor in me is gone. My iPad fell out of my car and now has a crack right through the center. Its perfect screen is ruined and I can’t cope.
Well, I’ll try going on anyway. Is there a support group for people who cracked the screens on their new iPads?
* There’s a reason we have liberals around, because they’re always worried about things we would never even think of. Like on Memorial Day, we’re all just mindlessly talking about how thankful we are that troops gave their lives for us and our freedom, but luckily we have people like Chris Hayes on MSNBC to say, “Hey, slow down there a second. Let’s not be so quick about this.” You see, calling troops who gave their lives for us “heroes” makes him uncomfortable. To us, it seems natural, but he’s much more nuanced. And he’s got a point; these aren’t unquestionable heroes like people who fight for tougher recycling laws. These instead are people who are running shooting others we designate as “bad”, so maybe we should think more deeply about this sort of thing.
Okay, I’m thinking. Thinking.
Done thinking, and what I’ve concluded is the reason Chris Hayes is so uncomfortable is that better people makes him realize how tiny his own manhood is.
Anyway, Chris Hayes has apologized, chastising all us rubes having barbecues and not thinking deep thoughts like him. Actually, that doesn’t really sound like an apology. I get this feeling this whole country makes Chris Hayes “uncomfortable.”
* Maybe one of the reasons troops make Chris Hayes so uncomfortable is that they hate him. Gallup has Romney with a 24 point lead among veterans. How can those people be heroes and vote against Democrats? Actually, you’d think Hayes would then consider the troops who gave their lives to be heroes, since the ones who are dead are much more likely to be voting Democrat.
* Anyway, things haven’t been looking so good for the left with them taking over and having a complete disaster with the economy on their hands. Maybe they can really run with this “we shouldn’t praise troops so much” stance and totally beat the Republicans on that.
* Been hearing about Obama’s “Choom Gang” in high school quite a bit lately. So is that an actual thing or is that a composite of multiple drug using groups he was a member of? And why haven’t we heard about this until now? When Obama first appeared on the scene, I was doubtful of Obama’s ability because he had never shown any leadership before. But now we found out he was the leader of the Choom Gang and strictly enforced pot smoking protocol. Whatever happened to that Obama?
* And here’s a weird thing: While talking about contraception, Obama twice mentioned “my sons.” Is there something else mentioned in Dreams From My Father that no one’s gotten around to reading yet?
Random Thoughts: Wasting Time
Cocaine abuse causes ear-enlargement.
I’m worried about air-headed extremists taking over the GOP.
“We need to drastically reduce spending.”
“I’m increasing spending at a lower rate!”
“That’s… not actually helpful.”
What’s the political philosophy where I don’t like nobody touching my stuff? Francis-ism?
When you start assuming things, you make an ass out of you and Ming the Merciless.
I don’t meet a lot of other political writers in Boise. I think it’s technically outside the Beltway.
When you look up “dictionary” in a dictionary, it will PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE FOR WASTING ITS TIME!
Gah! Dropped my iPad and the screen cracked!
Can’t see the crack when it’s on, but it’s perfect screen is no longer perfect. #FirstWorldProblems
No matter how bad your day has been, you can say, “At least I’m not Frank J. who cracked his iPad screen.”
Can’t we finally put an end to this bitter partisanship and have a civil war?
Was at a Mexican restaurant and a game was on the TV. Buttercup saw it and shouted, “Touchdown!” Wrong football.
So what do you say for Memorial Day? “Happy Memorial Day!” doesn’t seem right.
The economy hasn’t been a good argument for the left, but maybe they’ll get more traction out of, “Troops who died aren’t heroes.”
That was fun. Can’t believe Michael Graham stumped me on what I had been writing on; couldn’t remember last two columns for the life of me.
And that was a milestone for me: first time I was invited back to a radio show! That either means I’m getting better or radio is getting more desperate.