Archive of entries posted on 22nd June 2012

Video Parody: Scott Walker IS the Honey Badger

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[High Praise! to zzyzx]

For those not familiar with it, “The Honey Badger” is a viral video featuring nature documentary footage with lispy, effeminate, flouncy voiceover narration, which, I assume, is some sort of parody of the typical dour, overly-serious, Brit-accented narration one typically finds accompanying such footage.

Highly amusing, if you’re not offended by adult language. Click here if you want to see it.

This following video is a Pro-Scott-Walker parody of the Honey Badger video. Also contains occasional adult language, but in both conception and execution, an excellent parody, featuring heart-warming bits of cruel hippie-mockerage:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #96,386)

Food That Makes Michelle Obama Cry

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[via Winning at Everything]

I can’t guarantee this is real.

I CAN guarantee I want some.

Lordy, you had me at “deep-fried”….

The One Excuse Obama Hasn’t Used Yet

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[High Praise! to RAML]

The interesting thing about this cartoon is that, to the best of my knowledge, President Obama has actually used every single one of the items on the chalkboard as an excuse for his bungling of the economy.

Except one.

See if you can spot it.

Exit question: did the cartoonist miss any?

UPDATE: Hunter of Atomic Monkey Action Squad [High Praise!] correctly noted that there’s actually a second excuse he didn’t use that I overlooked.

UPDATE: Linked by OregonLive.com

UPDATE: Linked by Before It’s News

UPDATE: Linked by Doug Ross

You’ve Been Judged!

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Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Why did Obama cross the road?“.

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

Except Obama when he’s handing out green energy loan guarantees.

*glares at Solyndra*

Yes, Joy Behar Actually Said This

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Obviously happy in her new broadcast home, Joy Behar said, “where are the lefties besides on Current TV?”

Same place they’ve always been, Joy – on news shows with plummeting ratings.

Like the DeWalt M-16? You’ll LOVE the DeWalt Glock 21

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I posted about the DeWalt M-16 “nail gun” earlier.

Now meet the DeWalt Glock 21 “cordless drill”:

As its creator says:

“No, the drill doesn’t work, but if you point where you want a hole, it can make it happen!”

Link of the Day: This Is Why Fast & Furious Is the Republicans’ Fault

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[High Praise! to Keln]

Why Are the Republicans Being So Political?

It begins:

You know, nothing chaps my hide more than chaps and one party or another in Congress grandstanding and making a big deal out of a little thing in an election year. Why are the Republicans making a mountain out of this Fast and Furious thing? I mean, sure, like a few hundred people got killed, but only one of them was an American. The rest were Mexicans, and if Obama and Attorney General Holder don’t care about them, then why should the Republicans, amiright?

This is like when the Democrats and President Polk got all whiny about some Mexicans killing one American on so-called American “soil”, and starting a whole war over it…probably in an election year, or at least within a couple years of one. It’s just all a bunch of ridiculous political posturing.

By the way, the picture accompanying Keln’s post doesn’t seem to be displaying properly. It’s this one:

Which I assume is racist.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Liberals Whining About FOX News – The TV Show!

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Jake Tapper has a review of Aaron Sorkin’s new show, The Newsroom, and it sounds pretty exciting. People just know something is wrong with the news, but Sorkin apparently gets to the heart of that problem: not enough criticism of the right. And the main character sounds great: a self-proclaimed Republican who does nothing but talk about how “extreme” the Republicans are. I’m subscribing to HBO right now. And hopefully this groundbreaking show will help the left in the future, because it points out the one reason their views aren’t more popular: the media just doesn’t carry their water enough.

I had hoped 2010 would have been a learning experience for the left, but they obviously need many more beatings before the message gets through.

So who wants to hold a The Newsroom viewing party?

Straight Line of the Day: How Many Members of the Obama Administration Does It Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?

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I had a lot of fun with that “why did Obama cross the road?” line, and judging by the number of comments, you did, too.

Don’t know if this’ll work well enough to keep it a regular feature, but we’ll give it a try.

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

If it becomes boring & stupid, or nobody wants to play along any more, or if I run out of good setups, I’ll stop it, but let’s see how it goes for now:

How many members of the Obama administration does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Wisdom of the Day: Self-Repair

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From Patton Oswalt:

“Be the Droid YOU’RE Looking For” — #1 bestselling robot self-help book on Tatooine

From Megan Amram:

“No means no”: sexual harassment seminar or intro Spanish course?

From Sean Thomason:

Sometimes I’ll get a massage just so someone has to listen to me talk about Ecco the Dolphin for an hour.

Smartest Comment Ever on the Economy From Ag Secretary Vilsack.

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Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack said the US economy has “obviously turned the corner.”

Yes, Tom, you turn a LOT of corners when you’re in a downward spiral.

Racism Defined

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rac-ism
noun
1. Archaic. a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race
interjection
2. Shouted when someone does or says anything a person doesn’t like

Gun Sales Up, Violence Down? Don’t Believe It

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The FBI reports that violent crime in the US dropped by 4% in 2011, a year where gun sales rose 10%.

I’m sure it’s completely coincidental, like how it always seems to rain whenever water falls from the sky.

Captain Commerce

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So the Commerce Secretary resigned, to which many people have reacted, “We have a Commerce Secretary?” and “What exactly does he do?” Well, he checks all our commerce. You know how when you swipe your debit card and you wait for it to be approved? Well he’s the one on the other end of the line who quickly checks all the numbers and approves it. If we don’t get a new Commerce Secretary soon, expect commerce to descend into lawless anarchy.

Too late! Moody’s has downgraded the credit ratings of fifteen of the world’s largest banks… or, as Obama would put it, “fifteen of the world’s largest banks are doing fine.” How bad is this? Well, Bank of America just called me up and asked if I could loan them twenty bucks.

Obviously, I said no.

We need a new Commerce Secretary right away. I will suggest myself. I shop on Amazon all the time, so I know a lot about commerce. I don’t like the word “secretary” being in my title, though, as it makes me think I’m going to be fetching people coffee. How about we change it to “Captain Commerce”?

“It’s me, Captain Commerce, here to save the economy!”

I get a cape, right?

Random Thoughts: Don’t Hop on Frank

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The last Twilight movie was a brutal beating, but the trailer for the next one gives me hope that it will be the most hilarious one yet.

I have to keep a positive outlook because SarahK forces me to watch each Twilight movie. I’m a bad husband who must be punished.

People think the book “Hop on Pop” is pro-hopping on pop, but it makes very clear its anti-hopping on pop stance.

Buttercup didn’t catch that message either, so I have to be very careful not to ever lie on the ground.

The SCOTUS’s ruling on vulgarity is the first step towards the theme from Team America being our new national anthem.

Without a Commerce Secretary, who will fetch commerce’s coffee?

I hated how Raging Bull ended on that cliffhanger of Jake LaMotta’s new comedy career. Now we’ll finally get some resolution.

It would be funny if the SCOTUS announces all their decisions except the Obamacare one and then act like they forgot about it.

People jump on you for a Hitler comparison, but I can compare people to Stalin all day long, right?

Spent afternoon trying to remember what was the funny thing I thought of while Twitter was down.

The Wii U sounds stupid and has a stupid name.

Not saying I won’t buy one (I’ve owned every Nintendo home console so far), it just looks like it’s going to be a disaster.

I got the NES the Christmas it came out — the version with the robot.

Oh yeah. That was the 80s. We had very big Christmases back then.

We could eliminate a lot of idiocy on the internet if we just reconsidered the idea of 100% adult literacy.

If Obamacare is overturned next week, more sensitive people may want to vacate the internet because the gloating will not be pretty.

Gathered bowls and bowls of cherries from our backyard only to find out there’s a thing called the cherry fruit fly. Technically, the maggots in the cherries are composed of nothing that wasn’t already in the cherries, but less appealing nonetheless.