[via The Looking Spoon]
Archive of entries posted on 25th June 2012
You’ve Been Judged!
Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “How many members of the Obama Administration does it take to screw in a light bulb?“.
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
The REAL Reason People Don’t Like Obamacare
The New York Times blamed Obamacare’s unpopularity on “more than $200 million in advertising spending by an array of conservative groups.”
Absolutely. That, and Obamacare being an unconstitutional abomination rammed through Congress in the dead of night by socialists completely oblivious to the thunderous cries of massive popular opposition.
But probably just the ads.
More Food That Frightens Michelle Obama
[via Red State Witch]
Yeah, it’s a bacon cheeseburger that uses two grilled cheese sandwiches (with bacon) as the bun.
Get a 32oz coke with it, and you can make Michael Bloomberg curl up into gibbering fits, too.
Did This Ancient Prophecy Foretell the Obama Administration?
Looking through the referrer logs, someone randomly landed on one of Frank’s posts from 2003, which – as I interpret it, was a Nostradamus-like prediction of the Obama presidency:
______________
You might be a Communist if…
…when you were five you asked Santa for a pony, a teddy bear, and a dictatorship of the proletariat.
…a troop of Boy Scouts earned their merit badge for defending democracy by kicking your ass.
…you ever wonder aloud, “I bet we could pay more in taxes.”
…you prefer small, fuel-efficent cars.
…you wish to end the embargo on Cuba for any other reason than that you like Cuban cigars.
…you’re lazy and want to get paid for it.
…you prefer red grapes to green.
…every conversation you’re in moves to the subject of the dissolution of private property.
…your name is Richard Gephardt.
…you sympathized with the villains in 80’s action films.
…as a child you admired the structure of the Smurf society.
…you’re for the metric system.
…you think that religion is the opiate of the people, and, besides, you prefer marijuana.
…you don’t mind being poor and miserable as long as everyone else is equally so.
…you read Animal Farm and admired the sheep’s loyalty.
…the mention of the name “Reagan” causes you pangs of fear.
…you thinks warts are a distinguishing feature.
…you’ve been offended by much of this.
…every time you walk into a room, people shout, “Hey! There’s that dirty Commie!”
…you’re stupid and evil.
…every time you speak, you piss me off. (also a symptom of environmentalism, feminism, socialism, gun control advocacy, being a Democrat, and general stupidity)
______________
Yeah… tell me that’s NOT about Obama.
Not sure about the Richard Gephart thing, but if it didn’t have at least one confusing, ambiguous item, it wouldn’t be a very good prophecy.
My guess is that it rearranges to “hath pig card error,” which is a reference to when Obama angered a bunch of feminists by making that “lipstick on a pig” remark, which some people interpreted as a slam on Sarah Palin. Thus his error was playing the pig card.
Link of the Day: This Artist Could Single-Handedly Destroy Obama
Anti-Obama Artist Strikes Again
Jon McNaughton is rapidly becoming my favorite artist, and he’s got a new painting out, titled “The Empowered Man.”
Here’s a selected detail from the work, which gladdened parts of me that have remained stubbornly ungladdenable since last Inauguration Day:
Personally, I think he’s got Bush & Kennedy standing on the wrong sides, but I’m willing to let that slide because of that vampire-with-a-crucifix-shoved-in-his-puss look on Obama’s face.
Also at the link above is a picture of McNaughton’s called “Wake Up America” that is an absolute must-see.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Billion Bird
From David Burge:
Just think of what Obama could do with another billion in campaign donations. Like, create 3 jobs.
From Alex Baze:
The early bird gets the hour of awkward conversation with the host bird.
How to Write the Obama Version of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
There’s a strangely popular trend in the literary world – the bizarre urge to mix historical fiction with supernatural creatures. For example:
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters
Little Vampire Women
Someday someone will get the urge to do one set during the Obama administration. If you’re that someone, allow me to suggest some titles:
______________
 |
* Eric Holder: Fast and Furious and the Chupacabra
* The Ghost Border of Janet Napolitano
* Barack Obama: Unconditional Negotiations with The Beast
* Kathleen Sebelius: Healthcare Under Dr. Moreau
* Michelle Obama: To Serve Man
* The Picture of Barack Obama
* The Call of Cthulinton
* The Obamanomicon
* Elizabeth Warren: 1/32 Werewolf
* Bride of Panettastein
______________
Can’t use “Biden, Gaffes, and Godzilla” though. That one’s mine.
Booker!
Metropolis has Superman, Gotham has Batman, and Newark has Corey Booker. That guy is just swooping in and saving people left and right. He should really wear a cape. But will he be able to save the Democrat Party from itself? Not even if he had a Green Lantern ring.
Straight Line of the Day: Obama Likes Golf SO Much…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
President Obama likes golf SO much…
UPDATE: From Les of Brick Moon:
“President Obama likes golf SO much, he’s developing his own line of golf balls.”
[click to enlarge]
Yeah, that’s that circle-D Democrat logo after Entitlist.
Obama’s Latino Outreach
Obama went to a luncheon with Latino’s, but before he showed up he had the Secret Service confiscate all their knives and forks. So Obama’s message to Latino’s is, “I love you all and want to make sure there are even more of you who are citizens and can vote for Democrats, JUST KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!”
The Fast & Furious Investigation in 21 Seconds (With Sharks)
The Obamacare Decision: What Kind of Early Christmas Do Conservatives Get?
The Supreme Court Obamacare decision should come out this week. If it’s to strike down Obamacare, that will be horrible for Obama as Obamacare was one of the main reasons the Democrats has such huge losses in 2010 and what caused Obama to lose his popularity, and now that will be all for naught. If Obamacare is upheld, that will also be horrible for Obama as it’s hugely unpopular and will be a rallying cry to get a Republican in office and make sure we appoint Supreme Court Justices who actually will be able to read a six page document. Lesson learned: Don’t pass crappy bills everyone hates. I mean lesson learned by everyone other than Obama and the Democrats remaining in Congress.
So the big question is how much to gloat if Obamacare is struck down. Now, gloating won’t look good and may harm Republicans a bit, but it also can’t be helped. They shoved this law down our throats and spent all their political capital on it, and then to have the law thrown out as unconstitutional — as we all warned them it would be — how can we not laugh in their faces for like the next month? We are but mere mortals.
If Obamacare is upheld, what about the Democrats gloating? We can only hope. Once again, it’s a hugely unpopular law, and any gloating about it sticking around will just become a rallying cry for the Republicans and independents who hate it and see it as a violation of our freedom and an impediment to our recovery. And knowing liberals, they can’t ever help themselves so we’ll probably get a few good soundbites to use in ads about them and their awful health care law.
So it’s an early Christmas for conservatives no matter what happens. I just hope SCOTUS tells us soon. Come on, you jerks, this is the only decision we care about. Of course, they’ll announce it last to force us to pay attention to all their other decisions. Bunch of jerks.
_______________
UPDATE: Linked by American Political Blogs
Random Thoughts: An Obama Wedding
Which movie title sounds more fake: “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” or “Raging Bull 2”?
Start working for what you want and stop whining about what you think you deserve.
I’m for private citizens having guns, but the Fast & Furious scandal is making me rethink whether government should have access to them.
“Instead of toys, donate in your kids name to the Obama campaign as a Christmas gift. Also, no Christmas candy for those fatties.”
Obama just won’t rest until he ruins absolutely everything. You kind of have to admire that dedication.
“Help the Obama administration outlast your marriage.”
“Instead of life sustaining medicine for your elderly parents, consider instead a donation to the Obama campaign.”
“We know you like your kids, but think of all the money you could raise for the Obama campaign by selling them on the black market.”
“Camping is fun. How about instead of paying your electric bill, you donate to the Obama campaign.”
I had to go back and check to make sure that wedding registry is an actual official thing by the Obama campaign. Apparently.
Guy Fieri is a real person?
“Do you love your children? Donate the individual contribution limit and I’ll return them.” #ObamaFundraisingIdeas
I hope in the sequel Lincoln joins up with Reagan to fight commie vampires.
The difference between a good and bad economy in the U.S. is how much effort it takes to succeed, not whether’s it’s a possibility.
Mayor Booker should start wearing a cape.
“All the news that’s fit to print plus ads and human interest filler.”
Trace the alphabet back far enough, eventually you find a guy drawing random squiggles saying, “This makes this sound.” Wish I were that guy.
According to my definition of “natural born citizen,” no one is truly eligible for the presidency so it must be disbanded.
If you register your wedding with the Obama campaign, I give your marriage until November.
I don’t like partisanship. Especially from Democrats.
Theon Greyjoy was thrown out of the Game of Thrones when he tested positive for reign-enhancing drugs.
Buttercup’s favorite cartoons so far are Dora the Explorer, Caillou, and Archer.
I don’t really get the educational content of Archer.
Reusable green cup, a.k.a. a glass.
I don’t know why people think taking care of kids is so hard.
Constitutional law scholar = anyone able to read a six page document