At JFK Airport, hundreds of passengers had to be re-screened because one TSA agent failed to realize his metal detector had been unplugged.
Surprisingly, Obama didn’t give him a green energy grant for saving electricity.
Archive of entries posted on 27th June 2012
How to Open Your Beer Without an Opener – Easy & Painless
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #576,033)
Yes, I admit that, in today’s world of technological marvels, this method is already obsolete, since no one reads magazines anymore.
However, rest assured that scientists are already testing a method to de-imprison your beverage using an iPad.
Dinosaurs With Rocket Launchers – I Think This Is Progress
Constitutional Fan Fiction
In my new PJ Media column, I argue we should stop pretending the Constitution is a complicated thing and get rid of the pointless Supreme Court.
John Kerry: Foreign Policy Genius
John Kerry warned against “prejudging” the Muslim Brotherhood as Mohammed Morsi became Egypt’s first Islamist president.
John… you don’t need to lose a hand to know you shouldn’t pet an alligator.
You’ve Been Judged!
Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Obama walks into a bar…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
Link of the Day: Why a Gravy Boat Is Better Than Obama
Obama Is Asking For Your Wedding Gifts
Excerpt:
* A gravy boat is a useful tool that gives back to you at meal time. An Obama takes from you at meal time, at bed time, at school, at work, at play, and while traveling, or just being at home. It takes, and takes. It takes from the rich, and it takes from the poor, but only tells you it’s taking from the rich.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
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UPDATE: Linked by Liberal Whoppers
Wisdom of the Day: Adele Edwards BBQ
From Danny Zucker:
Son might be learning disabled cause as he downloaded the album 21 I made the awesome joke “Dude, you’re getting Adele!” & he didn’t laugh.
From lauren ashley bishop:
john edwards beaking up with you has got to be the worst way to find out you have cancer
From Death Star PR:
#worstbbqever When your best friend cuts off your limbs and tosses you into lava, then lectures you about being a bad person.
10 Reasons Why Jimmy Carter Was More Kick-Ass Than President Obama
Full disclosure: I had a paper route during the Carter years, and when I got bored, I read the headlines. So I remember Jimmy’s term in office better than most people my age, because those headlines were bleak and terrifying, and left scars.
So when I read that Carter was busting Obama’s chops over using drones to kill terrorists – one of the few things Obama’s done right in office – I wanted to bash Mr. Peanut right in the monocle.
But then I thought about it & decided to let it slide because I realized that – big picture – Carter was actually a better President than Obama:
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1) Jimmy Carter lusted after women in his heart. The women Obama lusted after were composites.
2) Jimmy Carter successfully fought off a rabbit, which is several rungs up the evolutionary ladder from any fly Obama managed to beat up.
3) Jimmy Carter’s ineptitude brought us the greatest President of the 20th century, Ronald Reagan. From Obama’s ineptitude, we MIGHT get the greatest President of the 21st century who was named after a piece of baseball equipment.
4) Jimmy Carter let the Shah of Iran into the US for medical treatment, because the Shah was, so to speak, “our bastard“. Obama wants you to pay for Sandra Fluke’s contraception so that she doesn’t have any bastards.
5) Jimmy Carter grew peanuts on a farm. Obama grew mortgages underwater.
6) Jimmy Carter gave all the land around the Panama Canal to the people of Panama. Obama gave all the land north of the Rio Grande to the people of Mexico.
7) Jimmy Carter gave the Russians the horrifying threat of nuclear armageddon. Obama gave the Russians a misspelled red plastic novelty button.
8) As a boy, Jimmy Carter loved his dog, Bozo. As a boy, Obama loved his dog al dente.
9) Jimmy Carter had a brother, who successfully launched his own brand of beer. Obama had a beer summit. Oh, brother.
10) Jimmy Carter asked the Secret Service to keep his brother away. Obama asked the Secret Service to keep away from brothels.
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And, of course, the Navy honored Jimmy Carter by naming a submarine after him. Obama honored the Navy by stealing credit after the SEALs got bin Laden.
Stay on Target
Time Magazine asks: “Is Romney Too Focused On The Economy?”
I dunno; was Luke too focused on the thermal exhaust port?
Video: The “Anyone But Obama Crowd” Just Got Their Anthem
You’re not gettin’ this catchy little tune out of your head for a while:
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #16,334)
Also, gotta say the guy on the right is sportin’ one Bolton of an awesome ‘stache.
Idea to Get More Attendance at the DNC
More and more Democrats are abandoning the Democrat National Convention — the latest to announce is Senator Claire McCaskill — to the point they’re moving it to a smaller venue. Eventually it will just be Obama and maybe Biden attending, which will look bad for him. Here’s an idea to get more to attend: Have a president dunking booth. Then, based on what politicians think will be more politically beneficial, some can get a photo of them shaking hands with Obama while others can instead get a photo of sending Obama plunging into a pool of cold water.
Obama better be prepared to get very wet.
Straight Line of the Day: How Can You Tell If Obama’s Been In Your House?
Whiner in Chief: Me So Poor Edition
So Obama is sending out emails and tweeting that “I will be the first president in modern history to be outspent in his re-election campaign.” To which my first reaction was “Have you tried whining about it?”
I hear Obama outspent McCain 3 to 1, but I never complained about that. It’s not like if Obama could afford one more commercial was it going to be enough to convince me to vote for that know-nothing. Of course, there was a lot of enthusiasm behind Obama then as there was no reality to dampen it, but we’ve had three and a half years of seeing what Obama is actually like in charge so it’s no wonder people aren’t as enthusiastic to shower him with money. It’s like a guy came into my house and started punching me in the face and then said, “I’ll punch you in the face some more for $100.” And I’d be like, “No, I’m not giving you money for that.” But if then someone else came up and said, “For $100, I’ll take that guy who was punching you in the face and throw him out on the street and kick him a few times.” I’d be like, “Yeah! Sure! Here’s a $100. And here’s a $50 tip on top of that.” And that’s why Romney is raising so much money; it’s not that people like Romney so much as they really don’t like that guy punching them in the face and they want to see that guy suffer.
So, if Obama doesn’t like getting outspent, he could try not sucking so much so people might consider supporting. But that’s too hard and whining is easy.
Why the Government Is Like a Cocaine Addict
At a Capitol Hill presser, John Boehner said, “giving this government more revenue would be like giving a cocaine addict who wants to quit more cocaine.”
Exactly. Well, except for the wanting to quit part.