Ok, so people all fainting at a rally, and Obama says to call the “paralegals.”
In that vein:
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* Locked out of your house? Call a key grip.
* Need someone to help you at Best Buy? Call a best boy.
* Child running around the room uncontrollably? Call a babysitter.
* Need a good dark beer? Call a porter.
* Need some hay put up in the loft? Call a bailiff.
* Need to rent a fancy new car? Call a caddie.
* Need a raised wooden area to set your patio furniture on? Call a decorator.
* Need a package delivered? Call Philip J. Fry.
* Uncomfortable intestinal gas buildup? Call a tutor.
* Automotive trouble? Call a carpenter.
* Phonograph not working? Call a stylist.
* Need protection from assassins? Call a gardener.
* Planning a bar mitzvah? Call a jeweler.
* Trouble with the Hubble? Call an astrologer.
* Yard invaded by giant reptiles? Call a navigator.
* Back hurt? Call a painter.
* Need to win a drinking game? Call a quartermaster.
* Looking for a broadcast DJ? Call a radiologist.
* Need a horseback ride to the blown up remains of the Statue of Liberty? Call a tailor.
* Autopen not signing the bottom of your documents? Call an underwriter.
* Need a hip-hop artist to perform at your next party? Call an usher.
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Above all, this November 11th, remember to thank a veterinarian.
Get rear-ended in traffic? Call a proctologist.
Issues with those phantom unemployment numbers? Call ghostbusters.
Need an epidural? Call an epidemiologist.
Need a CAT scan? Call a cat.
(heh…like we’d come when we’re called)
Getting assaulted by new taxes? Call a cop.
Is your family budget a little stretched? Call a chiropractor.
Having trouble making ends meet? Call a seamstress.
Are you over your head in debt? Call a lifeguard.
Are you underwater on your mortgage? Call a flooding insurance salesman.
Harvey, I’m very impressed you managed to come up with so many words with alternative meanings. Very nice work. …unless you just scanned through copies of Obama’s old speeches and found all the moronic comments he uttered. Then it’s just a lot of work.
Here kitty kitty.
[looks with disdain]
Cat have a hairball? Call your hair dresser.
Need you litter box cleaned? Call a boxer.
Ernie – Found a web page with a list of pretty much every job title known to man. Skimmed through the first page of every letter of the alphabet.
I had NO idea there were so many different jobs available. I’ve led a very sheltered life.
Are you a lonely yet arrogant immigrant from Kenya, who nobody likes, with no social life? Call a socialist.
Need someone dead? Call a marine corpseman.
Automotive trouble? Call a carpenter.
I’d just like to point out that my dad is a carpenter by trade, but we never have to take our cars to the mechanic ‘cuz he can do pretty much whatever’s necessary. Of course, that’s partially because our neighbor is a great mechanic and quite generous with his tools.