[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]
Out of curiosity, pipe up if you weren’t familiar with the movie poster that image is based on.
Archive of entries posted on 15th July 2013
Obamacare: Axe Version
[High Praise! to Very Demotivational]
It looks like an axe and you can swing it like an axe. So what if it can’t actually accomplish the only purpose for which axes were invented?
The Closest Thing to Immortality
[High Praise! to Ratlands]
The damage that we should fear isn’t the actual programs, it’s that the bureaucratic infrastructure created for the programs will never go away. It’s simply a libertarian pipe-dream to imagine passing legislation eliminating the the IRS or the EPA (or HHS, or the Dept. of Education); it may be a satisfying fantasy, but it’s a fantasy none the less.
In reality, bureaucracies never go away. They simply expand and look for more stuff to do. More of your business to mind. More power to control your life, even if the rationale for their involvement is laughable, at best. That’s why the IRS is about to become intimately involved in your health care.
Link of the Day: Satire – Wendy Davis for First Woman President!
[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]
Wendy Davis for First Woman President!
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Wolverine Kael Belt Election Blond Fish Dojo Manslaughter Media Robocop Newsroom
Panicked Hollywood executive: "Wait — did we already make a forgettable Wolverine movie?!"
— Michael J Nelson (@michaeljnelson) July 12, 2013
We are all Pauline Kael today: "But I don't know anyone who didn't watch #Sharknado!"
— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) July 12, 2013
A fun game when an older guy in front of you at airport security takes off his belt is to cower and whisper, "Please, Dad, not here…"
— Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) July 12, 2013
If you make little girls hold sexually explicit signs while throwing tampons don't ask why you haven't won a statewide election in 20 years.
— Rep. Steve Stockman (@SteveWorks4You) July 12, 2013
How do you confuse a blond? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
— anti joke apple (@antijokeapple) July 12, 2013
giv a man a fish adn he'll say "wat is this i ordered a mcflurry" teach a man to fish adn he'll say "how ar u the manager of this mcdonalds"
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) July 12, 2013
One time I got stuck behind a guy at a light that turned green cause he was staring at a karate dojo, daydreaming. I think about him a lot.
— Sean Gabay (@ixSEANxi) July 13, 2013
Developing: Zimmerman jury wants to know if they can rule manslaughter is actually a tax.
— DrewM (@DrewMTips) July 14, 2013
No matter how much contempt you have for the media in all this, you don't have enough
— Allahpundit (@allahpundit) July 14, 2013
This is ridiculous. How many more tragedies do we need before our government & judicial systems wake up & realize that we need Robocop?
— Rob Fee (@robfee) July 15, 2013
I would totally watch a version of "The Newsroom" in which Will McAvoy had to cover, with a straight face, the events of "True Blood".
— Tim Carvell (@timcarvell) July 15, 2013
The Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon Burger
[High Praise! to FoodBeast]
Being sold by Slater’s 50/50 (a west coast burger chain) until the end of July:
The literal bacon on bacon on bacon burger features a 100% ground bacon patty layered with bacon cheddar cheese, thick strips of bacon, bacon island dressing and a runny sunny side up egg to glue it all together. This year, the specialty item will be served on a bacon pretzel bun made using rendered bacon fat instead of butter and featuring bits of bacon rolled into the dough. You know, in case there wasn’t enough bacon goodness already.
You’ve Been Judged!
NOTE TO ANONYMISS: Good news! I found the online pdf version of the owner’s manual for your Vulcan EV60-SS6FP24G240 60” electric range, and it turns out the the warranty DOES specifically cover “damage due to firearm discharge” (I assume this clause’s existence has something to do with Joe Biden, but I can’t prove it).
I made a phone call, and your replacement oven will be delivered directly to your dungeon cell later this afternoon.
Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “President Obama Said His Favorite Food Is Broccoli. Also on His List of Favorites…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
Obama Warned Us – Potential
It’s only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you will realize your true potential.
BARACK OBAMA, speech, Jun. 16, 2006
“And it’s hard to imagine something larger than the federal government.”
Straight Line of the Day: Kathleen Sebelius Said That Sharknado Injuries Would Be Covered Under Obamacare. Also Covered…
[High Praise! to James for the suggestion]
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Kathleen Sebelius said that Sharknado injuries would be covered under Obamacare. Also covered…
The Election of Obama Demonstrated that Racism Is Still a Huge Problem in this Country
Do you know that if you’re white (or whitish), there is apparently a pretty large segment who thinks it’s plausible you’d just grab a gun and say, “I’m going to go shoot me a black kid!” They don’t think of you as fellow human being with normal motivations they can relate to; they think of you as this inhuman, sociopathic monster. It’s insane.
For some reason, people are still stuck looking for the racist villains of 1960s and thus completely missing all the brand spanking new racist idiocy we have going on today. And since that racist idiocy is being ignored, it’s able to grow. The racism we’re dealing with today isn’t the racism of when the KKK walked around unopposed; it’s the racism of a country where a large majority elected an incompetent black man thinking that would solve everything. It’s a brand new stupidity that we haven’t quite categorized or understand yet.
Anyway, the motivations of Zimmerman were quite easy to understand if you cared to. He lived in a neighborhood with a lot of break ins and the police were ineffective to stop it. So he tried to help out, and when he saw a teenager he didn’t recognize, he confronted the kid and talked to the police. Now, you can question whether Zimmerman’s actions were sensible, but his motivations are very easy to comprehend if you’re interested in treating him like a fellow human being.
But no. A lot of people want to see him as this inhuman monster who just decided to murder a minority. They are bigots, and bigotry keeps them from seeing others as a human being. And these same bigots questioned everything about Zimmerman’s story while being really unconcerned about what led Trayvon to bashing a man’s head into the pavement. Because, again, they’re bigots; they’re not operating with rational minds.
But it’s not like I’m worried about getting discriminated at by these bigots; that’s not the big problem. Bigots hurt themselves more than anyone else. They’re locked into a cycle of hate and scared of the good people around them. They’re dysfunctional. And we are going to continue to have racist problems in this country until we take on not just the bigotry of decades ago but the new and rising bigotry we have today.
The election of Obama didn’t help race relations because the electing of him was racist. Someone like him would not have been elected in a colorblind society. One of these days we’re going to have to confront that.
Guilty!
George Zimmerman is guilty!!1!! At least, that’s the word from the oh, so well-informed band of lefties that are still allowed to roam free.
And, to some degree, they’re right.
Zimmerman’s crimes? Having a “Z” on the wrong end of his last name.
You see, if his last name had been Lopez, Rodríguez, Gonzalez, or some other name in keeping with his mother’s Peruvian background, he wouldn’t have confused people into thinking he was white. And, for that, George Zimmerman must be held accountable.
Another of Zimmerman’s crimes? Being half-white. His father is white, you see. Having one white parent and one non-white parent gets you branded as white. Unless it’s your mother that’s white and your father is from Kenya. Zimmerman should have chosen his parents more carefully, and should be held accountable.
Another thing Zimmerman did wrong is not have a made-up first name. Like Trayvon. You see, having a name that extends back beyond 1966* means that he and his parents are racist. Or something. And, the fact that his parents named him after George W. Bush shows just how racist they are. And, for that, George M. (an upside-down “W”!!1!) Zimmerman must be held accountable.
But, George Zimmerman isn’t the only one to blame for things. The prosecution, for instance, tried to paint Zimmerman as a racist, but completely failed to mention that he’s a registered Democrat. Now, I don’t know about you, but most of the Democrats I know are racist.
Now, I know what some of your are thinking: Zimmerman’s politics shouldn’t be considered in determining his guilt. But, this trial was about much more than justice. It was about falling in line with a narrative, and the prosecution, bless their hearts, as hard as they tried, just did a poor job of accomplishing that. And, on account of it, an innocent man goes free.
There’s no justice in the world, I tell you.
Random Thoughts: Sharknado and Zimmerman
“If you like your climate, you can keep it.” -future broken promise from Obama’s plans to handle climate change
BREAKING: Janet Napolitano has resigned in disgrace after an unprepared west coast was hit with a sharknado.
MSNBC understands we’re laughing at them and not with them, right?
I think I could write a computer algorithm that will warn people if their comment appears crazy. Mainly it will look for words in all caps.
My pitch for SyFy: Snakes on a Plane in a Sharknado
White hispanics is crazy.
I guess the question is what was the awareness for Sharknado for people who aren’t on Twitter.
If Sharknado didn’t get huge ratings, I sort of feel like we failed as a society.
What’s next? Pacific Rim is going to be a huge flop this weekend?
This is why we can’t have nice things. Nice things filled with sharks.
As penance, instead of just talking about Shark Week, we’ll actually have to watch it this year.
The best-laid schemes o’ sharknado an’ men gang aft agley, an’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain, for promis’d joy.
Did they speak another language in Scotland or were they just drunk all the time like the Irish?
So how did Sharknado end? Was it killed or did it wind up in prison?
Let’s vow that, no matter what the verdict is to the Zimmerman trial, we’re all going to riot.
I’ve never been hunting. I’m too sensitive. I don’t think I could take the dog laughing at me if I missed a shot.
In today’s video game, the new up up down down left right left right B A start is paying $1.99.
Finally watching Sharknado. So far, it’s been everything I hoped it would be and we haven’t even gotten to the ‘nado part.
Wow. That Sharknado was as nearly destructive to California as the state’s own government.
If you think the reason a majority are against 20+ week abortions is because they hate vaginas, you’re not taking this issue very seriously.
How could the jurors in the Zimmerman trial not have a verdict yet? Everyone outside the courtroom already has a verdict.
That was actually funny. The potty training episode of Sesame Street is “brought to you by the letter P and the number 2.”
I still don’t quite get how, in neighborhood with lots of break ins, questioning a teen you don’t recognize is the worst thing ever.
There is no reason to give time to Al Sharpton other than you want to foment racial animosity. None.
We need justice for Trayvon because he’s not inconsequential like the hundreds of other black youths who’ve been shot.
The Zimmerman trial caused a lot of debate in America, but the important thing is, at the end of the day, no one learned anything.
They should bring up Zimmerman on federal charges of not being the cartoonishly evil, racist caricature the nation demanded.
For Hispanics worried about discrimination, know that for purposes of demagoguery, you can be treated exactly the same as a white person.
Make sure you’re not profiling before you shoot the guy bashing your head into the pavement.
Future generations are going to have fun analyzing how a large majority electing a black president was a step backwards in race relations.
If you think you’re a victim of racial profiling, repeatedly bashing someone’s head into the pavement can actually make the situation worse.
Cartoon of the Day – Finger
Let’s Not Rush Into Things
With a veto override in the state legislature, Illinois finally came into compliance with the Second Amendment and joined the other 49 states in passing a concealed carry law.
Let’s follow their example and wait at least 200 years to implement the “perfectly constitutional” Obamacare.