Trump 2016: “In your heart, you know he’s worth billions of dollars.”

Don’t want a label on product telling me it was made locally. Want a label telling me if it was made where it had best comparative advantage

*listening to Nobel Prize winning Danish physicist going on about electrons’ discrete energy levels*
“More like Niels Not-Very-Interesting.”

Which candidate is finally going to take on the root problem of immigration: the existence of other countries?

You can tell who is an uninformed voter because they’re enthusiastic about one of the candidates.

Bernie Sanders’s backwardness would almost be cute if not for the unacknowledged violence in the system he espouses.

Salon is the Weekly World News of left-wing commentary.

I keep hearing about billionaire Elon Musk, but I realized I have no idea how he made his fortune. I assume cologne.

With choices like Trump and Hillary, maybe we’ll spend more time on strategizing how to persist without any president.

That article Hillary shared, “7 things Hillary Clinton has in common with your ebola”, seems to have backfired.
Seemed accurate, though. “3. Causes you to vomit blood”

I’m finally going to hear these Beatles I’ve heard everyone talk about.

Need version of Its a Wonderful Life where we find out what things would be like if Uncle Billy never existed. Guessing futuristic utopia.

It’s a Wonderful Life isn’t a Christmas movie. Only a small portion of it occurs during Christmas time. Unlike Die Hard.

I’m not trying to start arguments, but Human Centipede isn’t a Christmas movie.

There is more photographic evidence of bigfoot than there is of anyone actually celebrating Kwanzaa.

You can tell who is a true conservative because they’re not running for a political office.