Straight Line of the Day: Now Included on the List of Reasons ISIS Will Behead You…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Now included on the list of reasons ISIS will behead you…

30 Comments

  1. Now included on the list of reasons ISIS will behead you…

    Well, they’ll behead ya when you’re trying to be so good
    They’ll behead ya just a-like they said they would
    They’ll behead ya when you’re tryin’ to go home
    Then they’ll behead ya when you’re there all alone

    But you will not live to regret it
    Infidels must get beheaded

    Well, they’ll behead ya when you’re walkin’ ‘long the street
    They’ll behead ya when you’re tryin’ to keep your seat
    They’ll behead ya when you’re walkin’ on the floor
    They’ll behead ya when you’re walkin’ to the door

    But you won’t live so long as to regret it
    Infidels must get beheaded.

    They’ll behead ya when you’re at the breakfast table
    They’ll behead ya when you are young and able
    They’ll behead ya when you’re tryin’ to make a buck
    They’ll behead ya and then they’ll say, “Good luck”

    Tell ya what, you will not live to long to regret it
    Infidels must get beheaded

    Well, they’ll behead you and say that it’s the end
    Then they’ll behead you and then they’ll come back again
    They’ll behead you when you’re riding in your car
    They’ll behead you when you’re playing your guitar

    Yes, but you won’t live so long to regret it
    Infidels must get beheaded

    Well, they’ll behead you when you walk all alone
    They’ll behead you when you are walking home
    They’ll behead you and then say you are brave
    They’ll behead you when you are set down in your grave

    But I would not act like you regret it
    Infidels must get beheaded

  2. Now included on the list of reasons ISIS will behead you…

    failure to take Global Warming seriously.

    just got into Reno, wanted to watch someone die.

    trying to make them pronounce LGBTQIA

    the crease in your pants.

    you forgot to bring the 3 bean dip.

  3. Now included on the list of reasons ISIS will behead you…

    You mentioned Fight Club.

    Don’t believe Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

    you are NOT Chuck Norris.

    surely you have a spare?

    they are the New, Improved ISIS. Now with 50% more beheading power!

  4. Now included on the list of reasons ISIS will behead you…

    …not giving up the cookie recipe

    …going 66 in a 65

    …if the name of the present day ends with the letter y.

    …you try to compliment one of them, “Has anyone ever told you you look exactly like Al Pacino? You know, “Scent Of A Woman.” Who-ah! Who-ah!”

  5. Taking sixteen minutes to save them money on car insurance.

    Claiming that Brosnan made a better Bond than Connery.

    Bringing back ranch dip with their chicken nuggets when they specifically told you they wanted the honey mustard.

  6. …you’re gay and they’re afraid of tall buildings.

    …the Dept. of Education bought up all the bullets.

    …BOOOOOSH!!!!!!!!

    …being inspired by Oppo to insult Islam by listing a reason not to be beheaded.

    …Science! NASA has tasked them with re-discovering gravity by observing falling objects.

    …Obama didn’t read the fine print on his latest surrender agreement with Iran.

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