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Archive of entries posted on February 2016
You’d Hate This Without the Music
[Lord Of The Rings: How Music Elevates Story] (Viewer #274,393)
Part of me wants to say that I never noticed all this, but on some level I was VERY aware of it. Now that I’m aware of it explicitly, I have to say that theme music doesn’t get much better than this.
The only other examples I can think of that did music so right were Batman (1989) and Star Trek TOS
Groundnet
Insider.com CEO Jason Calacanis said that Boston Dynamics’ super-advanced new “Atlas” robot signals “the end of manual labor”.
But in a good way, unlike how Obamacare did it by killing all the full-time jobs.
Satire: Full Metal Trump
(A parody of the “Private Pyle Snaps” scene from Full Metal Jacket (NSFW); written and submitted by Tinman [High Praise!])
FULL-METAL TRUMP
SCENE 47
AMERICA-DECEMBER 2015
The REPUBLICAN ELECTORATE sleeps. CRUZ walks slowly down the rank and file with a flashlight.
CRUZ (internal dialogue): Our last year under OBAMA. I throw my hat into the ring.
CRUZ hears a muffled sound. He isn’t sure where it comes from. He slowly enters the primaries.
SCENE 48
REPUBLICAN PRIMARY-JANUARY 2016
Running his flashlight across Iowa CRUZ sees TRUMP sitting on a toilet, loading a magazine for his M-14 rifle. The rifle has the name POPULISM painted crudely down its stock.
TRUMP looks up at CRUZ and smiles. It is a disturbing smile.
TRUMP (in a creepy voice): Hi, Ted.
CRUZ stares at TRUMP for few seconds. TRUMP has quite clearly snapped.
CRUZ: Is that… your platform?
TRUMP: 762 promises, not one I’ll keep.
TRUMP smile grotesquely.
CRUZ: Donald… if the CONSERVATIVE BASE comes in here and catches us, we’ll both be in a world of HILLARY.
TRUMP: I am… in a world… of HILLARY!
TRUMP gets to his feet, snaps his rifle to port arms and starts executing the Manual of Populism.
TRUMP (shouting): Make America great again … yeah! ISIS is afraid of me… yeah! HILLARY CLINTON was a birther… yeah!
TRUMP picks up the loaded magazine of campaign promises, inserts it into the rifle named POPULISM, and smartly brings the rifle to the order-arms position.
TRUMP (shouting): We want to have a border! We want to have a wall! I will make Mexico pay for it! And ban all the Muslims from coming in!
SCENE 49
AMERICA-FEBRUARY 2016
By now the REPUBLICAN ELECTORATE is awake and taking notice.
The CONSERVATIVE BASE bursts from its slumber, wearing I [Heart] RON skivvies, tee-shirt, and GOP hat.
TRUMP: (off-screen) I am what’s best for America! Let’s make America great again!
CONSERVATIVE BASE (shouts to the REPUBLICAN ELECTORATE): Get back in your bunks!
SCENE 50
REPUBLICAN PRIMARY-MARCH 2016
The CONSERVATIVE BASE bursts into the primary.
CONSERVATIVE BASE: What is with this Mickey Mouse liberalism? What in the name of Ronald W. Reagan are you animals doing in my primary?
CONSERVATIVE BASE (to CRUZ): Why is Candidate TRUMP even in the running after Iowa?! Why is Candidate TRUMP spouting all that nonsense? Why are you not stomping Candidate TRUMP’s guts out?
CRUZ: Sir, it is the candidate’s duty to inform the CONSERVATIVE BASE that Candidate TRUMP has a full magazine of populist ammo and is leading in all the polls, sir!
The CONSERVATIVE BASE and TRUMP look at each other. TRUMP continues to smile from his commanding position at the head of the polls.
The CONSERVATIVE BASE focuses all of its considerable powers of intimidation into its best John-Wayne-on-The-Sands-of-Iwo-Jima voice.
CONSERVATIVE BASE: Now you listen to me, TRUMP, and you listen good. I want that weapon, and I want it now. You will place the rifle of POPULISM on the deck at your feet and you will step back out of the Republican primary race.
With a twisted smile, TRUMP points his weapon at the CONSERVATIVE BASE.
CONSERVATIVE BASE: What is your major malfunction, ferret-face?!! Have you not destroyed enough businesses that now you have to ruin all of America? Didn’t mommy and daddy pay for your hair implants?
BANG!
The CONSERVATIVE BASE is hit in the chest by a round of low-information voters. It falls back dead.
CRUZ and TRUMP stand looking at the dead body.
Then TRUMP looks at CRUZ and slowly raises his rifle, threatening to sue CRUZ over his citizenship.
CRUZ (trembling): Easy, Donald. I’ll settle for VP.
TRUMP breathes heavily, and keeps the rifle aimed at CRUZ through the remainder of the primaries. CRUZ is scared spitless.
CRUZ (still trembling): Or Secretary of State. How about Ambassador to Canada?
TRUMP stares down CRUZ through the Republican Convention, but afterwards TRUMP begins to slide ever faster in the polls during the months before the general election.
TRUMP stumbles back and sits down heavily as his campaign goes down the toilet. He stares into space as he self-destructs by putting POPULISM into his own big mouth.
CRUZ (shouting): No! If the REPUBLICAN ELECTORATE had only picked me!
TRUMP loses the general election explosively, leaving the REPUBLICAN ELECTORATE to clean up the mess and to endure eight years of President HILLARY CLINTON that easily could have been avoided.
SCENE FADES TO BLACK.
Link of the Day: FINALLY! TV Scriptwriters Figured Out How to Mock Hillary
(Submitted by Anonymiss of Nuking Politics via Louder with Crowder [High Praise!])
HILARIOUS: ‘Last Man Standing’ Skewers Hillary Clinton
On a personal note, I like Tim Allen, and I *wanted* to like “Last Man Standing”, but… I don’t know… there’s just something “off” about either the writing or the acting. Can’t quite put my finger on it, but I do know Home Improvement didn’t have that problem. I think it’s that all the characters are kind of coarse, rude, abrasive, and not particularly likeable.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)
Mayor Broomberg
Beijing has now overtaken New York City as the new “Billionaire Capital of the World”.
Huh. How long until they ban large sodas?
Obama Warned Us – Solar Energy
The solar industry hit record growth last year, surpassing natural gas installations for the first time: http://ofa.bo/j9nU
“Unnatural energy: fitting perfectly with unnatural subsidies that make it viable.”
Straight Line of the Day: How Can We Get the Money to Build a Border Wall?
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
How can we get the money to build a border wall?
For The Rest of Us, It’s More Like Revulsion
Chinese Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Hua Chunying told reporters “we are following with interest the US presidential election.”
Probably asking themselves if the guy who declared bankruptcy will pay off their Treasury Bonds.
The Illustrated Frank J: Decision 2016
You’re Going to Need a Bigger Broom. And a Bigger Rug
Loretta Lynch on whether she’ll prosecute Hillary: “This will be conducted as every other case and we will review all the facts and all the evidence and come to an independent conclusion as to how to best handle it.”
Translation: “More whitewash than Tom Sawyer tricking his friends into doing a fence”.
Link of the Day: Misnamed – Can’t Fly or Stop Bullets
[High Praise! to Snopes]
Party People on the Floor: The Rise of the Superdelegates
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)
Presidential Participant Ribbon
Asked about her honesty during an interview on CBS, Hillary Clinton said “I’m going to do the best I can to level with the American people”.
Uh huh. Like a fish doing its best in the Tour de France.
