NEW YORK (AP) – Never hesitant to challenge societal norms with its ground-breaking cover pictures, Time Magazine has again courted controversy and risked offending its subscribers with its latest cover that features a man and a woman, who are married to each other, heterosexual, and Christian.

Editor in Chief of Time Magazine, Edward Felsenthal, defended his unusual choice of cover matter.

“Look,” said Felsenthal, “I’m in the magazine business, and there’s two ways to make money: the ethical way, and the way that actually lets you stay in business. In theory, all your covers should make people feel vaguely happy. Like having a cat video that doesn’t move. But we like to shake things up a bit.”

“Sure,” Felsenthal said “mostly we put normal, everyday things on our covers: junkies, a gay presidential candidate cuddling another man, Trump bullying a little immigrant girl who just wants her mommy… stuff that doesn’t even raise an eyebrow. But level eyebrows don’t pay the bills, so every once in a while we have to rattle some cages to make the money fall out.”

Members of a focus group hired by Time provided Felsenthal and the rest of the editors with their honest reactions to the discomforting cover photo. We talked to some of them.

“It made me nauseous,” said Atticus Dexter, a New York barista at Impresso Espresso, the one coffee shop on 92nd Street that isn’t a Starbucks yet. “I consider myself open-minded and totally non-judgmental, but seriously, they’re flaunting a lot of uncool lifestyle choices all at the same time. I mean, you want to be an Easter-worshipper, that’s your deal, but just keep it out my face. OO! That’s my phone… says I’m late for my shift at… Starbucks? Well, I knew Impresso couldn’t hold out forever.”

Aubrey Cloverfield, another group member, was more offended by a different aspect.

“Why put a married couple on the cover?” asked Cloverfield. “Why would you want to encourage patriarchal oppression like that? Why perpetuate an outdated social construct with its origins in kidnapping and eugenics? I mean, if you’re a same sex couple, it’s a thing of beauty because love is love, but THIS… how can you be so backwardly primitive in this day and age? It’s disgusting. Ugh! My parents did the same thing!”

Those considering canceling their Time subscriptions in protest are encouraged to hold off for another week, when the cover will feature Vladimir Putin setting fire to a bald eagle, thus restoring balance to The Force.

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