Once again, we don’t have a lot of questions left to answer. The smartest group of commenters on the entire Internet provided some wonderful answers. Unfortunately, the only ones that posted here were the ones by the people that read this blog. Oh, well.
These are the one’s that weren’t answered, possibly because they were too hard.
Heh heh heh. I said “hard.”
DamnCat: Basil, you seem to have a good working knowledge of handcuffing techniques. Do you practice at home?
I don’t practice. I don’t play. I’m serious about it. Of course, there’s always a safe word for … wait, I’ve said too much.
walruskkkch: My next question oh Lord is why doesn’t numbering of a list display properly in the comments? Asking for a friend.
You should be able to use HTML code or BBCode to generate a list. Typing numbers doesn’t work, but that’s because we’ve enabled BBCode capabilities. The BBCode thing has some benefits, but this is one of the drawbacks.
Here’s how the HTML would look:
<ol>
<li>List item one</li>
<li>List item two</li>
</ol>
And the BBCode it pretty much the same:
[ol]
[li]List item one[/li]
[li]List item two[/li]
[/ol]
Both end up looking like this:
- List item one
- List item two
Now, you can’t do a straight translation of every HTML tag into BBCode, but some simple ones work. You can find more by searching online, unless I decide to post a more detailed How-To for BBCode. I could probably do that, as Harvey never comes along and reads what I do, so getting away with it should be a breeze.
Harvey: Could you please phrase your response in the form of a question?
You didn’t see the other thing I just wrote, did you?
Oppo: So is that Ecuadoran embassy in London up for grabs now?
Let me Assange assuage your fears about it.
Slapout: I’ve been working on a blog post about questions for famous people. I also ended up with Questions for Socialist. So until I get around to posting that, I’ll just ask them here. How many New Car dealerships are there in Cuba?
Others answered your question. I just wanted to say it’s about damn time you posted something on your blog.
Oppo: Did any of the critics who call Trump an imperial president write anything that I can read about Obama’s numerous appointed ‘czars’? I mean, he used that very word. Did they somehow overlook it?
Whatever do you mean? Barack Obama is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.
Thanks — and bacon! — to everyone who answered questions in the comments last time.
- DamnCat
- CLIFFY
- walruskkkch
If you have a question for us, send it to Ask IMAO Anything. You can leave it in the comments and someone will answer it here. Probably. Or, email Ask.IMAO.Anything@gmail.com and I’ll answer those next time.
Ask IMAO Anything. Because we know everything.
Next to tuna, what is best in life?
Eating it.
To kiss your enemas, see them driving at 25 mph on the freeway before you, and to hear the lactations of their women.
42?
…takes envelope from forehead…
…blows open envelope…
…pulls out card…
What is the minimum number of beers in 99 Beers on the Wall that you can reach while singing to a captive audience before everyone goes insane?
Should IMAO change its name to IMAO: Unfair. Unbalanced. Unmedicated. Unredacted?
Can we edit ‘unredacted’ from that?
Until you get rid of “Awaiting Moderation” redaction stays in.
A friend of mine went drinking last night so he took a bus home. How hard is it to drive a bus when you’re drunk?
Not very hard. I did it once no sweat.
. . . Barreling in a convenience.
GreyGooseHound?
Trialways Bus Lines
Ah, the lure of the Opa road.
Might have been a Skol bus
Repeater Pan
“Barack Obama is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.”
Why wasn’t that linked to Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything?
It was, but only in Manchuria.
Good catch. I’ve now linked it to his name, and kept the other link for those that don’t get the reference.
I feel foolish, as I’ve owned the book since November 16, 2011. I’ll do better next time, Chief.
I hope so. You’ll never get that new sign for your office door with this kind of performance…
Is it moving up from “Men” to “Gentlemen”?
I suspect my daughters’ safety might have once been in your capable and likely shaky hands. Thank you for not getting too much tunnel vision!
My bus looked like that bus in the movie ‘Speed’. Tunnel vision is for Losers. I took the scenic route to enjoy the..well, scenery.
Just wanted to rum around, with The Captain and Tunnel.
I had Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. My arms hurt but I always wanted a more dromish sin.
If MacGyver wanted to kill himself would anybody be able to stop him?
No, because MacGyver is a Super Hero and Super Heros don’t kill themselves although some of them like Aquaman should.
No. However, after he dies, we can use his body as a floatation device to traverse the dangerous river, his hair could be used as a wig for disguises, his should could be used to mix drinks, his shirt could be used as a parachute, and his pants could be used to grab onto escaping helicopters.
“his should” = “his shoes”
Damn AutoCorrupt!
Can I make my water bed bouncier by adding spring water?
Yes you can but enough about your sex life…
There is never enough about my sex life! I am focused on moving above miniscule.
Yes – but if you wake up with a backache try using harder water.
Evian, Evvie out.. (Evian Ever Been Mellow?)
What happens to dyslexic kids who write Christmas wishes to Satan?
They will get a Lake of Fire to go snorkeling in.
I fell in to a burning Lego fire
I went down, down, down
As Yule flames went higher
And it burns, burns, burns
The Lego fire
The Lego fire
He receives cola.
And back-in-the-jocks.
(As decisions of vigor-plums dance in his head.)
And candy canes. Wait a minute…
What do I do to deal with a bicycle that won’t roll because it’s two tired?
Easy. Give it some Red Bull.
Give it a good pumping – but enough about your sex life…
So it’s a Motobecan’t?
Don’t worry — Schwinning isn’t everything.
Are you folks just Basil’s (yeah – you can’t pronounce that either) gatekeepers? I trod several feet to learn from one of The Master’s inconsequential toadies. My questions are real.
By the way, tons of respect for your humor!
And let us not go into my sex life. 27 years faithfully married and suddenly divorced. I may get triggered. 🙂
Let us know if something comes up.
You should be asking Basil if he knows a nice lady for you.
OK – I’ll do it.
Basil, do you know a nice lady suitable for Jim to romance?
[Plus, don’t worry: Basil may choose on a whim questions that have been answered as easily as questions that have not.]
Those whose questions are chosen will receive a free copy of ‘Mickey’.
We will answer your questions three, ere Basil you see.
My questions are real.
But some memes have been changed to protect the insolent.
In a cyberwar, do we send C-GI’s?
No, CGI is overused nowadays. Instead, send a lot of bloom and lens flares.
Never underestimate the value of Government Issues! Smoking has made me a great hacker. I am willing to serve.
I fear I cannot stand my ground with so many stout humorists as you. In a battle of wits I may be only half-armed. I will go away. Thank you for deigning your indulgence.
Here, take one of MacGyver’s arms. You should be able to do anything with it, like use it as a backscratcher, hail a taxi, or for those long distance handshakes.
He was a handy fellow.
Is that really what she said?
I see that my question of what do these 10 people have in common was not answered correctly. Will this be fixed in the next installment of….ASK IMAO ANYTHING!!!!!!
Next time on IMAO Z:
Save that picture. I have a sense it will come in handy more times in the future.
DamnCat when he realizes he’s out of tuna and the stores are all closed.
Wait. You asked a question you already know the answer to? Are we doing riddles then? Or is this Stump Basil? I’m confused.
The question to everyone’s answer
Is usually asked from within
But the patterns of the rain
And the truth they contain
Have written my life on your skin
Yes. They are all people who have never been in my kitchen. (Reference link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=botdmsQilnU)
Who’s in charge here?
The inmates are running the asylum.
In other words: Who run IMAOtown?
I thought you were.
No charge. It’s all free.
AOC, is that you?
Now that Oppo has been promoted do we have to stand at attention when he enters the room?
Only if you can do it puntastically.
I’m sure i am not qualified to discuss standing at attention after getting so many references to my sex life.
Why are rhe only three things I detest bigots and people with poor math skills?
How can two peanuts roll down a street but only one is a salted?
Did the question I sent by email get lost in the mail?
Since then I’ve done some research into possible answers:
A. Freak The Mighty
B. Proud Mary
I never saw the question but I am a huge fan of Freak and Mary although not necessarily in that order.
By the way, I lied about leaving. I had to work.
Kamala Harris lies about working (heh) and has to leave.
At some point, will the Democrats narrow down their field of candidates and say “That’s our Hitler!”
At some point, will the Democrats go on a political diet to lower their cluster-all?
You might as well ask why so many red deer stags suffer from hart attacks…
If you do puns so well, where have you been all this time?
My username on AOL was PunDMental. And then we were overrun by Hadrosaurs.
Is. . . this
How
WilliamShatner
.
posts?
If a gun owner sits at home watching TV, do the police issue bulletins about an inactive shooter?
That is freaking hilarious!
Has the question “Who you gonna call?” been answered enough?
I’ll try the Ask the Ghostbusters Anything site.
Sorry. Phone was ringing off the hook. Please repeat the question.
Ah. Must have been all those nice ladies suitable to romance that Basil found.
Sometimes his answers come not in words.
Why does it seem both the Basil avatar and the Walrus avatar are trying to hypnotise me?
SLEEP
They are! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzyx
That’s not how zzyzx is spelled!
It is the effect you have on peopl…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…
When IMAO inevitably gets deplatformed, should I just go back to weeding, or watching TV?
Auughhhhh! Forgot to link the word “weeding” to Frank’s library of books! There goes my promotion!
I mean no disrespect to the Master but its not really a library if you can fit it into a size 12 shoe box.
I read both and enjoyed them. Just saying…
Now you’ve done it!
Roll up
Roll up for the Master’s Retort
Roll up …
The magical Master’s Retort is coming to take you away . . .
Bring it on! I am sure I will inevitably take a knee but my father, Dan Parkinson published 43 books and written in 23 languages. I am only an ember to his fire but I had a very small cult following when I wrote on the 100 Words Or Les blog with Sekimori. (True – my followers were mainly wood creatures but we accept what is offered). And yes, Oppo, you people are really funny.
You mean funny funny or funny ha ha?
I mean you are, to a person, witty and weird.
I’ve always preferred weird and witty.
Look Home, Weird Angel
♫
Upsetting in a railway station
Indicted for procrastination
mmm-mmm-mmm
I’m Tourette’s-on-steroids man
My Sioux-face and petard in hand
Every knife is nightly scanned
For my fingerprints, and they are banned
Home, Weird, Bound
I admit I was
Home, Weird, Bound . . .
♫
Only one way to find out.
Sounds like you’re some kind of deviated prevert. And I think Harvey found out about your preversion and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts…. All I was told to do was get Harvey on the phone with the President of IMAO.
Basil: And I can assure you, if you don’t put that pun away and stop this stupid nonsense, the Court of Enquiry on this’ll give you such a pranging, you’ll be lucky if you end up wearing the uniform of a bloody toilet attendant.
(That was Basil Fawlty speaking, by the way. You couldn’t hear IMAO’s Basil all the way down the corridor.)
Can you hear him breathing, like a Darth Basil?
Better to be a bloody toilet attendant at IMAO then to sit on a throne in Heaven. Or something like that.
And to clarify, I am size 11. I was strutting. Sorry.
Also, I never deviate! I am completely focused on meandering my way through life. I am descended from a long line of Meanderthals.
Once you Cro-magnon you never go back.
I am so glad you didn’t go with Homo Erectus.
He was already dating someone else.
Not that I have any problems with Erectuses..
I have heard their little blue pill has alarming side effects.
The Red Pill, though…
Is this whole thread proof that you should never get out of the boat??
Yes. Now that could be apocalyptic.
Does Ask IMAO Anything actually answer all queries, or are there some questions too daunting to address?
To whit, on the 15th of May, in response to Anonymiss’s musing that Basil’s new password was “Cilantro”, I posted, and I quote, “Does Basil have the onions for this?” This query, to date, remains unanswered. Is this beyond the pale?
Well it is certainly beyond the not quite pale but definitely not dark.
I haven’t seen you yet at any of the champagne brunches or dinners to ask: with the huge distances involved, don’t you sometimes find it difficult to tell whether it’s the geisha girl coming in one of the many corner-office doors, or the manicurist? (I realize sometimes it’s sometimes necessary to move your feet or the hover-screen to tell.)
Maybe he showed up at the champagne elevensies.