Remember Right Wing Duck’s children’s book? Sure you do. It was from 2005. — The Editors

I’ve accomplished a lot of things in my life. I’ve gotten married, I’ve had kids — well, not me, I mean my wife, and I’ve even managed to hold down a job. But sometimes these accomplishments seem so hollow. Why? Because I haven’t been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. Sure, I’ve never been a murderous thug, but that’s only an unofficial requirement.

Having watched the news, it seems that there’s a death row inmate here in California who not only was nominated — but he also wrote a kids book.

This is inspirational. I’ve always wanted to write a kids book to help inspire all those young eager minds — and to make lots and lots of money.

However, it seems that most publishers want to see some sort of “draft” before they’ll fork over any dough! Don’t they know who I am? Every day I hold Frank J’s Coat!!

So it is with sincere pleasure that I now share my latest entry into the exciting world of Children’s books.

Give Me Your Money, By RWD. Retail Price $6.95

Once upon a time, there was a sweet, and gentle gangbanger. His friends called him Killer K. One day Killer K said, “I’m Hungry.” His friends laughed at him. So he shot them.

Some other friends looked on this and said, “Killer, if you had a job, then you would have money. Then you could have all the food you want.”

Killer K thought about this. People were always telling him to learn a skill, take his life seriously, and become a productive member of society. “Get a job?” he said. “That’s racist.”

So Killer K did the next best thing. He robbed a bank.

The bank robbery went perfect. Except for killing a few people, and getting caught. But the bank had free breath mints, so Killer wasn’t so hungry. The next day, the true story was all over the newspapers. He was sent to jail despite pleadings from overweight ministers saying that Killer K was the true victim.

Killer K said, “Now that I’m in prison, I’ll have all the things I need.”

His lawyers said that he should put himself into one of the many wonderful prison rehab programs. These programs trained prisoners in important job skills.

Sadly, all of the positions that were available were too far beneath a convicted felon.

So Killer K thought, “This is a horrible way to live. This makes me want to kill even MORE people.” Then he changed his mind and said, “I should write a book. A book that will inspire children everywhere.” He sat down with his lawyers and thought about different titles.

The book was a huge success. It sold over three HUNDRED copies. In some cities, there were some people who had actually read it!! With this important accomplishment under his belt — Killer K was ready to ask the world for forgiveness. Sadly, the world was not ready to forgive. Probably because they were racist. So he got some friends together to help him ask for help.

Now the whole word knew what was happening! This made Killer K very happy. What will happen to Killer K? I’m sorry, you’ll have to buy the next book.

$6.95 at your local retailer.

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What do you think? Sure, it’s a bit rough around the edges, and I haven’t quite worked out the ending although I’ll probably have one tonight by midnight.