Friday Night Open Thread

I love Weird Al.

[The YouTube]

Do you have something you’d like to share? A link? A joke? Some words of wisdom? A topic to discuss? It’s Friday Night Open Thread.

What’s on your mind?

The Stupid . . . Well, At Least It Burns

From The Darwin Awards’ Tree Category:

Trees Might Be “Aware” of Their Size
University of Helsinki via Phys.org / Jan. 30, 2020

Trees are known for their great, but not unlimited, trunk height and diameter. They have evolved to develop a heavy above-ground biomass, but this integral feature poses a challenge to the trunk’s stability.

“Even though the idea of plants sensing their own weight and thickening their stem accordingly sounds intuitive, our study is the first one to address this question in trees,” says Juan Alonso-Serra from the Faculty of Biological and Environmental Sciences, University of Helsinki.

One approach to understand how this weight-sensing mechanism works is by comparing normal plants with plants lacking this ability. The researchers took advantage of a naturally occurring birch mutant named elimäki. This exceptional tree grows upright for three months, after which its stem suddenly bends at the very base, and the whole tree collapses.

The researchers showed that, unlike normal trees, elimäki trees fail to properly adjust their width to their increasing weight, which makes them less stable.

What do you know? A living, breathing metaphor for government social programs.


Auugh! Please, Please Make It Stop!

Could the Next Willy Wonka Be a Woman? Warner Bros Are “Considering Casting Female Actress as the Titular Chocolatier in Upcoming Prequel”
UK Daily Mail | January 31, 2020

Willy Wonka could reportedly return to screens as a woman in a new prequel film.

Bosses at Warner Bros. are allegedly considering taking on a female actress to play the role of the iconic chocolatier.

First in with the “Willy Woke-a” comment.


1910 Photo of Proto Thunberg Discovered, Meeting Henry Ford

Source: Library of Congress

Submitted for Your Approval — Gumbeaux Edition

On a roll:

Straight Line of the Day: Hillary’s Dodging Tulsi’s Lawsuit. The Best Way To Gain Access To Hillary Would Be …

Per Gumbeaux:

Straight Line of the Day: Hillary’s dodging Tulsi’s lawsuit. The best way to gain access to Hilary would be …


Who can sing a sad song the saddest?

Continuing the musical theme I was thinking about sad songs because sad songs say so much. [So turn them on, turn ’em on…] Are my platforms properly sequined? (Ok enough with Elton John already. The point and question I was getting to was who do you think can sing a sad the saddest? I always found that Emmylou Harris could really bring a tear to my eye when she sings about loss and regret. For example there is this cover of a Bruce Springsteen song that I find particularly evocative in a way that the Boss only hints at.

Red Dirt Girl had a few, here are two.

Bang the Drum Slowly

Red Dirt Girl

 

So, who is better? Let us know who can make you find it is getting dusty in here.

The Worst

Following the news — not too closely, because I don’t want to catch whatever it is they got — I’m seeing arguments over how the Senate is conducting the impeachment trials.

It seems like they’re rigging the thing to acquit Trump. Kinda like the Democrats did to impeach Trump.

So, which is the worst?

That’s easy. Pineapple on pizza. Discuss.

Thursday Night Open Thread

Soul Asylum? They’re still a thing. Well, they’re still around. Wasn’t really a huge fan, or even a minor fan. Didn’t dislike their stuff, just thought it was okay. They’ve been around longer than I realized. This one is from 25 years ago.

[The YouTube]

What’s been on your mind? Got something you’d like to share? A topic to discuss? It’s Thursday Night Open Thread.

Who wants to start?

Straight Line of the Day: “Yes? You in the Back?” — Things You Always Wished To Say to One of Your Teachers Include…

Straight Line of the Day: “Yes? You in the back?” — Things you always wished to say to one of your teachers include…


I Meme Mine!

One of mine, one I found.

How I normally feel when I listen to liberals on TV.

Why cats rule!

Monkey News

The official policy of IMAO is that we don’t like monkeys. It’s Frank J. that doesn’t like monkeys, but since he’s the boss, it’s policy. So, monkeys bad.

Still, we keep up with what monkeys are up to. It’s always good to know what your enemy is planning. That’s why we try to follow what Democrats are doing, even though they aren’t worth a bucket of warm spit.

So, what are monkeys up to? Painting.

Monkey paintings

“Ape art” created by the orangutans and chimpanzees that live at the Center For Great Apes (CGA) is sold in a gift shop and at a silent auction in a fundraising event (AFP Photo/Leila MACOR)

Some of the painting appears to show some talent, which is interesting. Of course, the monkeys do go about it a little differently.

The description of one painting by Jacob explains that the chimp “especially enjoys painting, and he usually likes to taste each bright color before he puts it on his canvas.”

So, paint-licking monkeys retire to Florida. Sounds like Democrats.

Except for having talent.

Wednesday Night Open Thread

Some artists only have one really big hit. Bobby Hebb was born in Nashville and was actually a member of Roy Acuff’s backing band and played on the Grand Ole Opry stage in that capacity. He learned guitar from Chet Atkins. And he wrote his biggest hit, “Sunny.”

He performed the song at Candlestick Park on August 29th, 1966. The band that had just finished playing their own set stayed on and served as his backing band for the song. That band? The Beatles.

Bobby Hebb had an interesting career.

[The YouTube]

What’s been on your mind? Got something you’d like to share? A topic to discuss? It’s Wednesday Night Open Thread.

Who wants to start?

IMAO Time Machine: Fun Facts About the 50 States: North Carolina

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors


Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, we’ll be singing our way through the cotton harvest as we visit North Carolina. So let’s get started…


North Carolina state flag
The state flag of North Carolina is a slight modification of the original “smiley face with bushy monobrow” design.
  • North Carolina became the 12th state on November, 21st, 1789. Then, as now, it was the nation’s leading producer of tobacco products and is the only state in the US whose constitution includes a Surgeon General’s warning.
  • The state song of North Carolina is a wet, hacking cough.
  • Although Carolina is currently considered a woman’s name, North Carolina was actually named for England’s King Charles I, since the Latin word “Carolus” means both “Charles” and “mincing poofter girlie-man.”
  • In 1903, the Wright Brothers had their first successful airplane flight near Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. Although early flights barely left the ground, they were quite popular among amorous couples seeking to join the “10-foot-high club.”
  • In the early 1700’s Beaufort Town, North Carolina was a notorious haven for pirates – cruel, dim-witted men with foul mouths and poor personal hygiene who wouldn’t hesitate to use violence to get their way. Rather like hippies, except with bigger boats.
  • The famous lighthouse at Cape Hatteras, North Carolina had to be moved due to erosion problems, due in large part to endless streams of tourists spitting over the rail of the observation deck.
  • The state bird of North Carolina is the Cardinal, which I assume was chosen for its red neck.
  • The Andy Griffith show was set in the fictional town of Mayberry, North Carolina. It was based on an actual city, but to appease the censors, they changed Otis’ role to town drunk instead of his real job as Aunt Bea’s pimp.
  • North Carolina’s state vegetable is the Sweet Potato, which was chosen by the state’s majority population of Sweet Irish.
  • Harker Island, North Carolina, is home to the annual Core Sound Duck Decoy Festival which boasts more fake but accurate items than a CBS news broadcast.
  • The WWII battleship North Carolina was preserved as a museum in 1963 as a reminder to the Japs that they should stick to tending goldfish.
  • The first English Colony in America was at Roanoke Island, North Carolina. The entire population vanished without a trace in 1590, which is not as mysterious as it sounds, since the colony consisted entirely of deadbeat dads.
  • The state motto of North Carolina is “Esse quam videri,” which is Latin for “arrogant basketball snobs.”
  • At nearly 6700 feet, North Carolina’s Mount Mitchell is the highest peak east of the Mississippi and is rumored to be the hiding place of the notorious terrorist Bubba bin Laden.
  • Krispy Kreme Donuts was started in 1937 in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. The donuts are staggeringly popular throughout the US, despite the fact that their name is an obvious euphemism for “stale filling.”
  • The Venus Flytrap is a carnivorous plant which is native to North Carolina. It will eat dead flies, spoiled hamburger, and most other things commonly found in the kitchen at McDonald’s.
  • The first miniature golf course was built in Fayetteville, North Carolina, and was originally invented to appeal to tourists who hate exercise, but really enjoy frustrated cursing.
  • Babe Ruth hit the first of his record 714 home runs while playing in Fayetteville, North Carolina on March 7, 1914. He also hit his first peanut vendor in the process – his record for that (179) remains unbroken to this day.
  • The Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina is America’s largest home. Designed by architect Mike Brady, it contains 255 rooms and a single, shared, upstairs bathroom with no toilet.
  • The first state-owned art museum is located in Raleigh, North Carolina. All modern art exhibits there are limited by law to 1.6 gallons per flush.
  • North Carolina’s Grandfather Mountain is designated by the UN as an “International Biosphere Reserve,” which is just a polite way of saying “a place for the French to hide in case they get frightened by a loud noise or something.”
  • The Mile-High Swinging Bridge near Linville, North Carolina, is 5305 feet above sea level. It wasn’t originally designed to swing, but that’s Union labor for ya.
  • Pepsi was invented in New Bern, North Carolina in 1898. The secret ingredient in the beverage is a closely-guarded secret, but here’s a hint: the beverage was originally called “Peesi.”
  • The town of Wendell, North Carolina, was named for Oliver Wendell Holmes, or possibly for that pale, sickly kid on the Simpsons.
  • Golfing legend Arnold Palmer started his career playing on the championship golf team of Wake Forest University. He’s credited with inventing the “casually kick the ball closer to the hole maneuver” now popularly known as “Palmering.”
  • Born in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1822 Hiram Rhodes Revels became the first black member of the US Congress – inexplicably, without Jesse Jackson’s help.
  • 17th President Andrew Johnson started out as a tailor’s apprentice in Raleigh, North Carolina. He became the first President in American history to be impeached, but was acquitted in his Senate trial, since his crimes DID include lying about diddling an intern.
  • North Carolina leads the nation in furniture production, and is famous for its leather sofas made from the skins of unlucky NASCAR drivers.
  • North Carolina was the first state in the US to establish a state symphony orchestra, which consisted of a jug, a washboard, and a washtub bass.
  • In 1987, North Carolina declared milk to be the official state beverage when the clerk typing up the bill inadvertently misspelled “moonshine.”
  • Born in Charlotte, North Carolina, televangelist Billy Graham – like Osama bin Laden – used the power of modern media to spread his religious message. Fortunately, his followers usually became naggy church ladies instead of suicide bombers.

That wraps up the North Carolina edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be mortified to discover that the people in Fargo really DO sound like those people in the movie, as we visit North Dakota.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go join the “10-foot-high club.”


[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

Straight Line of the Day: A New Russian Weapon Can Travel 27 Times the Speed of Sound. Unfortunately, All You Can Hear Is…


New Russian Weapon Can Travel 27 Times the Speed of Sound

AP | 11/27/2019

Straight Line of the Day: A new Russian weapon can travel 27 times the speed of sound. Unfortunately, all you can hear is…