IMAO Time Machine: IMAO Podcast #19 11-14-05

  1. Introduction
  2. Berkeley Law
  3. Vote No on 75
  4. Harvey: Fun Facts About Maine Part 1
  5. Sling Blade: Attorney at Law
  6. Harvey: Fun Facts About Maine Part 2
  7. CSI: Nome
  8. WeHireAliens.com
  9. WeHireIllegals.com
  10. A Very Brady Survivor
  11. Law & Order: Special People’s Unit
  12. Clinton Natural Gas
  13. Hail to the Hottie [Holy crap! It’s Obama!]
  14. Conclusion

One Giant Leap Year for Womankind

Hey! Leave some for the rest of us!

.

Old news:

Astronomy Student Discovers Four New Planets
University of British Columbia / May 31, 2016

Michelle Kunimoto’s bachelor degree in physics and astronomy sent her on a journey out of this world—and led to the discovery of four new worlds beyond our solar system.

The planets, designated “planet candidates” until independently confirmed, are exciting discoveries. Two are the size of Earth, one is Mercury-sized, and one is slightly larger than Neptune. But it’s this last one, the largest of the four, that is of special interest.

Officially catalogued as KOI (Kepler Object of Interest) 408.05 and located 3,200 light years away from Earth, the planet occupies the habitable zone of its star where the temperature would allow liquid water and maybe life.

Kunimoto and Matthews have submitted their findings to the Astronomical Journal. In September, she’ll be returning to UBC to begin a master’s degree in physics and astronomy, hunting for more planets and investigating whether they could support life.

In the meantime, the new graduate and Star Trek fan got the chance to meet a real-life star and space explorer. On Saturday, she met William Shatner backstage at the UBC100 What’s Next? event and told him about these possible new destinations for a future Starship Enterprise.

New news:

Astronomy Student Discovers 17 New Planets, Including Earth-Sized World
University of British Columbia / February 28, 2020

University of British Columbia astronomy student Michelle Kunimoto has discovered 17 new planets, including a potentially habitable, Earth-sized world, by combing through data gathered by NASA’s Kepler mission.

Over its original four-year mission, the Kepler satellite looked for planets, especially those that lie in the “Habitable Zones” of their stars, where liquid water could exist on a rocky planet’s surface.

The new findings, published in The Astronomical Journal, include one such particularly rare planet. Officially named KIC-7340288 b, the planet discovered by Kunimoto is just 1 ½ times the size of Earth—small enough to be considered rocky, instead of gaseous like the giant planets of the Solar System—and in the habitable zone of its star.

..

Kunimoto is no stranger to discovering planets: she previously discovered four during her undergraduate degree at UBC. Now working on her Ph.D. at UBC, she used what is known as the “transit method” to look for the planets among the roughly 200,000 stars observed by the Kepler mission.

Boldly going where no man has gone before

Infamous Last Words

All of the following is an exact replay of the arguments I’ve used regarding Walrus, to Basil.

“Biden Is Gonna Kick Ass Here Because This Is a Normal Place”
New York Magazine | February 28, 2020 | Olivia Nuzzi

But I didn’t have any aliens to back me up. And this isn’t a normal place.
Apparently, though, one alien from the planet Harpoot weighed in on Biden’s struggle for relevancy:

“Joe Biden is gonna kick ass here because this is a normal place,” Dick Harpootlian said. A member of the South Carolina State Senate and former chairman of the state Democratic Party, Harpootlian, who has known Biden since the late 1980s, was an early supporter of his third presidential campaign.

To give this curiously-nicknamed alien the benefit of the doubt, let’s assume that reporter Olivia is nice-looking, and that’s his excuse for bloviating:

“He’s a normal guy,” he said, by way of explanation.

… if you have to stress something that much, . . .

“Iowa is like — you watch Game of Thrones?” he asked. I said I didn’t. “Well, that’s too bad,” he said. He took a sip of his latte.

. . . Well, this interview is off to a good start . . .

“Iowa’s like the area north of the wall where the White Walkers and the weird people are, okay?

… dismissively negating the earlier question about whether she would get the reference . . .

I knocked doors out there.”

What’s wrong with doors? Oh, he means he knocked on doors. In the TV show? In the fantasy world? In Iowa? Oh. Iowa.

He gestured to his aide.

A new character is introduced! Where has HE been lurking?

“He knocked doors out there!” he said. “They’re not normal people, okay?”

You’ve totally endeared yourself now to the people on whose doors you so painstakingly knocked.

Harpootlian

— who is neither a character from Ghostbusters, Star Wars, nor Men In Black

tells two stories about Biden to anybody who will listen.

… a dwindling population. . . I hope that Olivia has gotten her drink tab paid.

He prefaces both stories by saying that he never tells the stories, and that if Biden knew he was going around telling the stories, he’d kill him.

Wait. . . . What?

The first story is about a golf outing when Biden was the vice-president. He was driving the golf cart, and Biden told him to move over. “I never get to drive anything,” Harpootlian recalled Biden saying, “I can’t drive a car. When I play golf with Barack, he drives. I’m driving the cart. Move over.” Harpootlian laughed. “So, I move over, and he drives the cart. Not very well, I might add.”

You’re BOOSTING this guy for president?

Later, at lunch, Harpootlian said he apologized to Biden for his bad golf game. “He said, ‘Oh, no, no, no, no, Dick. Don’t worry about it. You know, I learned a lot today.’ I said, ‘Mr. Vice-President, what could you possibly have learned from me today?’ He said, ‘Oh, five new ways to use the word f**k.’”

Wha . . . . . ? And then what follows is what is called “the second story,” proving that Harpoolians can’t count.

With friends like these . . .

About Your Faith in the American Electorate …

Survey: 38% of Americans Won’t Buy Corona Beer “Under Any Circumstances” Because of Coronavirus Outbreak
KTLA | February 29, 2020

Two surveys released this week show that the Corona’s brand is suffering from negative buzz.

5W Public Relations said that 38% of Americans wouldn’t buy Corona “under any circumstances” because of the outbreak, and another 14% said they wouldn’t order a Corona in public. The survey encompasses polling from 737 beer drinkers in the United States.

What was that percentage of Americans that Mitt Romney said you just have to write off as unreachable?


The Window of Opportunity: Closed, Distant, and Center Stage

A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Weirds

Judging by the photo, I’m not the only one wearying of ol’ Joke Biden. He’s going to take a Beto’ing.

Biden’s Hands-Off ‘Naked Woman’ Scenario at Campaign Event Raises Eyebrows
Bizpac Review | February 28, 2020

Speaking at a campaign event in South Carolina on Tuesday, Biden was talking about the Violence Against Women Act, which he drafted as a U.S. senator, when he offered an ill-advised scenario of a woman walking naked to say that “no man has a right to touch her.” 



“No man has a right to lay a hand on a woman for any reason other than self-defense,” Biden said.

“If someone in this room got up, took off all their clothes, and walked out the door, no man has a right to touch her.”

… he studiously avoided the topic of grasping her and sniffing her from behind when fully clothed, though.

Is that lady in the upper right about to shoot up heroin to escape this nightmare?

Can you imagine any thought balloon for anyone in this audience being supportive of this guy?


Straight Line of the Day: One Way To Include Social Justice in the Math Curriculum Is…

Straight Line of the Day: One Way To Include Social Justice in the Math Curriculum Is…

A Williams College professor said he would advocate for social justice to be included in math textbooks.

–Political Bias and Anti-Americanism on College Campuses
Townhall.com | February 19, 2020 | Walter E. Williams

Babesleaga: An Introduction

It has been mentioned before but this is your official welcome and guide to the Babesleaga of IMAO.

We will present 4 weekly matches between two Characters/Celebrities which you, the gentle viewer, must choose one you prefer. Use any criteria, we won’t care. Well, maybe a little but, it won’t matter a 100 years from now.

We will play a round robin so every one gets a fair chance against everyone else. Whomever has the most head to head wins will be the champion of the group. Ties will go to the winner of the individual’s contest. If that was a tie then it will be overall votes in all the contests. If that is still a tie then shoot me.

Here are our contestants for Group A (Science Fiction Characters)

  1. Seven of Nine — Jeri Ryan — Star Trek Voyager
  2. Wilma Deering — Erin Grey — Buck Rodgers
  3. Zev Bellringer — Xenia Seeberg — LEXX
  4. Andromeda — Lexa Doig — Andromeda
  5. T’Pol — Jolene Blalock — Star Trek Enterprise
  6. Aeryn Sun — Claudia Black — Farscape
  7. Inara Serra — Monica Morena Baccarin — Firefly
  8. Number 6 — Tricia Helfer – Battlestar Galactica

There will be more weeks so don’t despair if a favorite isn’t competing this week. In fact if you wish to offer suggested candidates for later groups feel free to do so. We are only limited by finding enough usable pictures.

So dems da rulez. I would add that it would be nice if you all would refrain from adding any other pictures in the comments. They might be ones I want to use in later contests. And no fair trying to influence the election like you were a russki or something.

A thoughtful viewer spotted my error. He will be dealt with appropriately. Grumble, grumble.

Who is the best Bond?

James Bond.

or maybe Jimmy Bond?

Some expanded choices for this poll. As always, choose wisely.

The poll will remain open until March 7, 2020 at 9:00 am.

Sean Connery

George Lazenby

Roger Moore

Timothy Dalton

Pierce Brosnan

Daniel Craig

David Niven

Woody Allen

Who is the best Bond?

  • Sean Connery (65%, 103 Votes)
  • Daniel Craig (13%, 21 Votes)
  • Roger Moore (7%, 11 Votes)
  • Pierce Brosnan (6%, 10 Votes)
  • George Lazenby (3%, 5 Votes)
  • Woody Allen (3%, 5 Votes)
  • David Niven (3%, 4 Votes)
  • Timothy Dalton (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 159

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What’s With All The Crazy Animal News?

Have you noticed there’s a lot of news lately about animals? Monkeys with herpes. Monkeys with Coronavirus. And now an animal that doesn’t need oxygen.

That last one is really weird. I mean, an animal that doesn’t need oxygen? It’s a parasite and it’s related to jellyfish.

I would normally make a joke about Democrats here, but the truth is that while Democrats are parasites and are as spineless as jellyfish, they do suck all the air out of the room, so there is that difference.

It’s just that all this crazy animal news is causing some concern. Is that one of the signs of the Apocalypse? I don’t recall monkeys being mentioned, nor non-oxygen breathing critters anywhere in Revelation. Still, it seems like it could be one, just because it’s so unusual.

Maybe I’m just noticing more odd animal news. Beats reading about Democrats, though, so there is an upside.

Friday Night Open Thread

I love Weird Al.

[The YouTube]

Do you have something you’d like to share? A link? A joke? Some words of wisdom? A topic to discuss? It’s Friday Night Open Thread.

What’s on your mind?

Who, What, Wuhan, War, Howl, and Whine

We now join the presidential press conference on — I mean in — progress.

Remarks by President Trump in Press Conference
New Delhi, India / 2/26/20

THE PRESIDENT: . . . one little simple question, and you’ll blow it out, and that will be the end of the trip.  They won’t even talk about the trip.  So I’ll be very, very conservative of my answers, if you don’t mind.

[On Coronavirus] And I think that whole situation will start working out.  A lot of talent, a lot of brainpower is being put behind it.  Two and a half billion dollars we’re putting in.

I see that Chuck Schumer criticized that.  He thought it should be more.  And if I gave more, he’d say it should be less.  It’s automatic, you know, with these characters.  They’re not — they’re just not good for our country.  If I gave more, he’d say, “It should be less.”  But that’s what they do.  In the meantime, that’s all they can do.  They’re not getting anything done.  We have so many things we could get done.

Bernie is probably winning, and it looks like he’s winning.  And he’s got a head of steam, and they maybe don’t want him, for obvious reasons.  So they don’t want him, so they put out a thing that Russia is backing him.  This is what they do.  I’ve gone through it for a long time.  I get it.  I get the game better than anybody.  And that’s the way it is.

[On the drawdown of troops from Afghanistan] And it’s very interesting, that one is.  Everybody is happy about it.  Even people that are normally against me, like 99.9 percent of the time, because we’ve been there for 19 years and everybody would like to see it happen.

I was actually surprised.  I thought the Schumers of the world would say whatever the opposite is, you know, because that’s all they can do.  Cryin’ Chuck.

But people are really — they’re really happy to see that we’re trying very hard.  You know, we’re bringing it down to 86- — 8,600.  And from there, we’ll make a decision as to what the final outcome would be.

But there’s been tremendous praise for the fact that we’re doing something.  You know, other administrations have tried to do something.  In particular, the previous administration, for a long time, they were never able to get anything done.  And we’re — we’re really serving not as a military force as we are a police force.  And we’re not a police force.  They have to police their own country.  We’re not a police force.  It’s like law enforcement.  And that’s the way it is.

So we’d like to, after 19 — I can tell you, after 19 years, we’d like to bring our young people back home.  Bring them — that’s where they want to be.  And we’ll always have intelligence; we’ll have other things there.  But we’d like to bring them — for the most part, we’d like to bring them back home.  We want to watch the area.  The area is a hotbed of problems.

And when we bring them home, we’ll let them know that if something happens, we will hit them so hard.  And we could win that easily if I wanted to kill millions of people.  I don’t want to kill millions of people — innocent people.  We could win that very easily.  We don’t have to act as a police force.  We could act as a military force to win, not a military force to just take care of things in that very, very difficult part of the world.  It’s a very difficult part.  It’s a very dangerous part of the world.

So let’s see what happens.  So far so good.  So far. 

We killed al-Baghdadi a few months ago.  And Soleimani was — is gone.  He’s no longer putting roadside bombs all over the place.  Somebody else may be, but he was the father — the king of the roadside bomb.

But that’s what his thing was.  He thought that was a beautiful weapon: roadside bombs.  It’s a coward’s bomb.  And all of these young people that have been so badly hurt.  And we did a big favor.

In addition to that, as you know, Hamza bin Laden is now gone.  And he was looking to do damage.  And he’s gone.  And al Qaeda — last week, you saw what happened there.

So, nobody has done more than what I’ve done.  And — but at the same time, Russia should do it.  Iran should do it.  Iraq should do it.  Syria should do it.

You know, we’re in a different part of the world.  We’re doing it.  Everybody says, “You’re the only ones that can do it.”  Well, at some point, these other countries — I mean, Iran should do it.  Iran hates ISIS.  And they should do it.

You know, the United States is 8,000 miles away.  And they’re all saying, “Could you do it?”  Yeah, we could do it.  We’ve been doing it for a long time.  But I’ve been doing it much better than anyone else has done it.  I mean what we’ve done in the last couple of years has been incredible.

We have 100 percent of the caliphate.  Remember, we had 99 percent.  I’d say, “Good, we’re leaving.”  And I was hit with — people couldn’t believe it.  They said, “Do 100.”  So we did 100.  I did 100 with some great generals that knew exactly what they were doing.  They were unbelievable.

We took 100 percent of the caliphate.  And we have thousands of prisoners right now locked up — and these are ISIS fighters — and killed thousands, not that I want to do that.  I don’t want to do that, but that’s what we had to do.

And when I came in, ISIS was all over the place.  It was totally out of control.

Q    Hi, sir, Emily Goodwin with the DailyMail.com.  I was wondering, do you think justice was served in the Harvey Weinstein case?

THE PRESIDENT:  So, I was never a fan of Harvey Weinstein, as you know.  In fact, he said he was going to work hard to defeat me in the election.  How did that work out, by the way?  I’m trying to figure that out.

He was a person I didn’t like — never liked.  I don’t know too much about the case because, as you know, I’ve been over here.  Between traveling and being at meetings almost every hour of the day, every minute of the day, I haven’t been able to really see too much of it.

But I was just not a fan of his.  I knew him a little bit, not very well.  I knew him because he was in New York.  Not — not a person that I like.

I will say, the people that liked him were the Democrats.  Michelle Obama loved him.  Loved him.  Hillary Clinton loved him.  And he gave tremendous money to the Democrats.

But in the meantime, we’re working with China very much on the virus.  We feel that’s something.

And I have to tell — I spoke to President Xi the other day.  He is so committed to solving that problem.  He is — he is working very hard.  He is very capable.  The country is very capable.  And it snuck up on him, but I think he’s going to do well.

Now you see it’s going to South Korea, it’s going to Italy, and it’s going to other places.  But I spoke to all of them.  They’re all working very, very hard on it.

The United States, because of an early decision I made — I made a decision.  I believe it was the first time it’s ever been done: We closed the country to certain areas, as you know.  And I was criticized for that decision.  Now they’re saying it was a good decision.  I think it was a good decision because we have very few people.  And you can add to it a few people that we took in because they’re Americans.  I mean, what are we going to do?  And they were almost in between countries, where people weren’t going to take them, and they’re Americans.  But they’re fully quarantined. 

… just like China.  Everybody said, “You’ll never make a deal with China.”  I made a deal with China.  It’s a great deal.  They’re going to buy 250 billion dollars’ worth of product.  And that’s only a piece of the deal.  It’s a large piece.  It’s probably 40 to 50 percent, but it’s a — it’s an incredible deal.

In addition to that, we’re taking in billions and billions of dollars’ worth of tariffs that we can now use for phase two, because they want to get rid of the 25 percent.  So we have the 25 percent; they want to get rid of it.

Well, with India — India is, I think, the highest — again, I said it before — but the highest tariff.  When you deal with India, Harley Davidson has to pay tremendous tariffs when they send motorcycles in here.  When India sends motorcycles into the U.S., there is virtually no tariff.  For the most part, there is absolutely no tariff.  So I just said that’s unfair.  And we’re working it out.  We’re working it out.

THE PRESIDENT:  It’s just not a fair situation when one company is paying 100 percent, in the case of numerous companies, not just Harley.  But where they’re paying a tremendous — and actually, tariffs were raised not too long ago.

THE PRESIDENT:  What’s happening in Venezuela is so, so sad.  People are starving.  Here’s a case where a country was wealthy 15 years ago and very wealthy 20 years ago.  Very, very wealthy.  The wealthiest in all of Latin, South America.  The wealthiest and — by far.  Not even a contest.

And when you look today, they don’t have water, they don’t have basic food, they have no medicine.  It’s incredible what’s happened in Venezuela.

Q    Aleem Maqbool from BBC.  There were some back home that were hoping you would raise concerns about some of these policies that Prime Minister Modi has introduced that discriminates against Muslims, and also about a rise in hate crimes here in India.  But as someone who —

THE PRESIDENT:  Well, we did discuss that.  And we discussed that and specifically Muslims.  And we also discussed Christians.  And we —

Q    But someone who —

THE PRESIDENT:  I had a — I had a very powerful answer from the Prime Minister.  We talked about religious liberty for a long period of time, in front of a lot of people.  And I had a very, very powerful answer.

And, as far as Muslims are concerned, as he told me, I guess they have 200 Mus- — 200 million Muslims in India.  And a fairly short while ago, they had 14 million.  And he said that they’re working very closely with the Muslim community.

Q    But — so you, yourself, have been criticized for policies that have discriminated against Muslims, like the travel ban.  There’s also been a rise in hate crimes over the last couple of years in the U.S.  So are —

THE PRESIDENT:  Yeah.  Yeah.

Q    — you in a position to talk to him about those subjects?

THE PRESIDENT:  Yeah.  I won the travel ban, as you probably know.  A lot of people said I lost it.  No, I won the travel ban, and we use the travel ban where we think there’s — not based on religion, but where we think there’s going to be trouble, where we’re looking at certain countries.  As you know, we added a few countries onto it.

But we won the travel ban, and we won it in the Supreme Court.  So the travel ban is not a thing against Muslims, it’s a thing against areas where we don’t want people coming into our country that are going to cause problems, cause harm, cause death, hurt our people.  And I feel very strongly about that.

A Candidate’s Last-Ditch Plea

Per Fox News:

Buttigieg Warns Dems Against a “Rush” To Nominate Sanders; Rips “Inflexible, Ideological Revolution”

Isn’t that what the rest of the country has also been ripping? That tearing sound you hear is the country . . .

Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg reacted to Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders’ victory in the Nevada caucuses Saturday by pleading

“Pleading.” Heh heh. Such a winning strategy.

with Democrats against rushing to nominate the democratic socialist, suggesting doing so could prevent them from defeating President Trump.

Duh.

“Senator Sanders believes in an inflexible, ideological revolution that leaves out most Democrats, not to mention most Americans,” the former South Bend, Ind., mayor said.

“Admitted” might be more accurate.

“Before we rush to nominate Senator Sanders as our one shot to take on this president… let’s take a sober look at the consequences —

. . . apparently a swipe at Hillary Clinton . . .

Buttigieg is seeking to establish himself as Sanders’ chief rival, as establishment Democrats fret over the possibility that Sanders may not be able to be stopped on his path to the Democratic nomination.

🙂

“Senator Sanders’ revolution has the tenor

Well, five’ll get you that tenor

of combat, division, and polarization, a vision where whoever wins the day, nothing will change the toxic tone of our politics.”

Who the heck talks like that?

“We can prioritize either ideological purity or inclusive victory.”

In other words, “what we believe” is not quite as good as “what we can pretend to believe to achieve victory.”

“I believe the only way to truly deliver any of the progressive changes

… and here we’ll go back to being scripted, boring, and confusing to any remaining listeners …

we care about is to be a nominee who actually gives a damn about the effect you are having, from the top of the ticket, on those crucial, front-line House and Senate Democrats running to win, who we need to win, to make sure our agenda is more than just words on a page,” he said.

Hey, Democrats know something about ripping those, too.

But Buttigieg’s remarks drew backlash from at least one Democrat: New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio.

“And hey @PeteButtigieg,” de Blasio wrote on Twitter, “try not to be so smug when you just got your ass kicked.”

Darn it! I could have summed up this whole article in just those 13 words.

Others accused Buttigieg of trying to mimic the oratory style of former President Baracak [sic] Obama.

!

Nice spelling.

Chasers

Cats are well and good, but if you want fur and balanced… and to be awwstruck…




Man’s best friend

Straight Line of the Day: In Your Theme Park, What Would Be Available?

In OppoWorld, there would be no rides, parking, concessions, or admissions. Reservations would be OK, however.

Straight Line of the Day: In your theme park, what would be available?