Keeping with the song parodies.

“It Only Takes A Minute”
[Apologies to Tavares]

Ah, ha
Yeah, yeah
Ah, ha, yeah

Now for 24 hours of the day
We have to put our fun away
Not walk the streets, we live in fear
Until we get the word we’re in the clear

Now with this Wuhan flu attack
For 30 days we’re in the “Hack”
Through the night we want to dance
But baby we can’t take the chance

It only takes a minute, girl
to get infected, get infected
It only takes a minute, girl
to get infected, to get infected

Ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh

Now we got unemployment lines
We spend our life readin’ Covid signs
Hoping to prevent an intubation
They keep us all day in isolation

Now winter’s turning into spring
And our economy’s a broken thing.
[The economy’s a broken thing]
So baby, 6 feet apart we gotta stand
‘Cause we never know what’s on our hands, yeah

It only takes a minute, girl
to get infected, get infected
It only takes a minute, girl
to get infected, we’ll get infected

Bom, bom, bom, bom, get infected
Bom, bom, bom, bom, get infected
Bom, bom, bom, bom, get infected
Bom, bom, bom, bom, get infected
Bom, bom, bom, bom, get infected
Bom, bom, bom, bom, get infected

It only takes a minute, girl
to get infected, get infected
It only takes a minute, girl
to get infected, to get infected

(To the tune of the Beatles’ “Glass Onion”)

Surpassed Onion

♩♩♪

I told you about extraordinary flu, man
(You know that “novel” means that it’s news, man)
Now here’s another place you can’t go
‘Cause everyone knows —

Talking to someone can kill them!
Let’s all see how the Third World lives:
Let’s live as though we’re in The Onion.

They told you about the virus on TV, man:
You know you’re standing too close to me, man
Well here’s another clue for you scribes —
A virus subsides.

Looking through a facemask, oh yeah
Lately Madonna’s trying to make a scene, yeah
(As many layers as an onion)
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah . . .
Looks as though we’ve surpassed The Onion.

♩♩♪

I told you about the folks on the Hill
I tell you, if there’s a way there’s a will,
Well here’s another place we might be:
The Babylon Bee

Fixing a hole in the ozone
Suddenly doesn’t seem to have much point
As poignant as today’s Onion.

♩♩♪